(no subject)
omg its 5 42 and i just cant get to sleep.. im scared of my dreams now.. & im also crying too much..
i hate how much it hurts.. it was just a dream.. but it .. was soo similar..
okay.
heres the retelling that i wont tell again because i cant because its breaking my heart to jus think about this dream
i was like sitting on a porch swing thing with that mike guy who was going to shave his legs if he was ellected president & im really not sure if we kissed in my dream but then the beach area that we were at turned into a gym
so then, apparently Corey and I are in the same gym class and i think he went to get some tennis rackets for us to play or i was going to play with someone else but then he comes back into the room & is like "Syrena I need to talk to you.."
and so we sit outside in a basement hallway that looks exactly like Fern did.. it mite as well have been the Fern basement.. where Jacob and I had our one out of maybe 2 times of "Alone Time".. maybe that was the significance.. who knows.. but.. so we're sitting
& i think in my dream i anticipated it.. he said that Randy had called him and told him I cheated on him and i just looked at him and was like "noo.. noo" because i knew he was trying to break up with me & then I got all hysterical and was like 'dont you know how much u mean to me?" .. i didnt say i love you.. iunno.. i wasnt making sense.. Corey wasnt acting like Corey either.. he was colder, like Luke or Jacob.. which hurts & scares me the most.. because when I was with both of them they were so sweet to me but afterward they were sooo rude .. which REALY broke my heart.. so thats how i was feeling in my dream.. and im crying and im shouting "FINE! LEAVE THEN" because i was soo upset that he wouldnt believe me or hear my side of the story but he was like "but i know its tru" when i was sure it wasnt.. but still.. if it was then.. heyy Luke all over again.. and that fucking hurt too.. so he goes back into the gym classs and TC grabs me to leave because im balling and all that... but then im like "NO" because i DONT want it to end.. because it was like right now.. i remember thinking in my head in my dream that we're SO close to 5months.. it CANT end.. he has a YR scheduled in his phone.. it just cant be over like that.. so quick like it means nothing.. so i go into the guy's changeroom and im like "Corey can u come out for a second please" and he does and i bring him outside and im like im protesting... saying this cant be it.. theere had to be more.. & his eyes were a little teary.. omg.. he had this look onn his face.. that looked hurt & he had tears in his eyes too.. so it looked like it was hard for him but i didnt want it to end.. & then he jus was sooo blunt like Gilles and said something about how he felt like he didnt eat enough with me or something? it sounds so dumb after all that
but.. that dream was the worst..
i dont want to lose him.. i love him.. & i COULD never cheat on him.. its NOT possible... because it hurts me sooo much.. iunno if it hurts me more than him but .. it hurts me if it hurts him and it hurts me not to be with him..
fuck now im feeling like we jus brokeup.. & he didnt understand the story fully.. like Luke.. that was horrible because he wouldnt even listen to what I had to say.. he jus said "never speak to me again.."
i feel like i want to take this chain off.. but i cant..
i just want to be with him right now..
fuck.
its not just words
its just tears & rain
i want to feel you, i need to hear you
you are the light that leading me
to the place where i find peace again
you are the strength that keeps me walking
you are the hope that keeps me trusting
you are the light to my soul
you are my purpose
you're everything to me
i hate how much it hurts.. it was just a dream.. but it .. was soo similar..
okay.
heres the retelling that i wont tell again because i cant because its breaking my heart to jus think about this dream
i was like sitting on a porch swing thing with that mike guy who was going to shave his legs if he was ellected president & im really not sure if we kissed in my dream but then the beach area that we were at turned into a gym
so then, apparently Corey and I are in the same gym class and i think he went to get some tennis rackets for us to play or i was going to play with someone else but then he comes back into the room & is like "Syrena I need to talk to you.."
and so we sit outside in a basement hallway that looks exactly like Fern did.. it mite as well have been the Fern basement.. where Jacob and I had our one out of maybe 2 times of "Alone Time".. maybe that was the significance.. who knows.. but.. so we're sitting
& i think in my dream i anticipated it.. he said that Randy had called him and told him I cheated on him and i just looked at him and was like "noo.. noo" because i knew he was trying to break up with me & then I got all hysterical and was like 'dont you know how much u mean to me?" .. i didnt say i love you.. iunno.. i wasnt making sense.. Corey wasnt acting like Corey either.. he was colder, like Luke or Jacob.. which hurts & scares me the most.. because when I was with both of them they were so sweet to me but afterward they were sooo rude .. which REALY broke my heart.. so thats how i was feeling in my dream.. and im crying and im shouting "FINE! LEAVE THEN" because i was soo upset that he wouldnt believe me or hear my side of the story but he was like "but i know its tru" when i was sure it wasnt.. but still.. if it was then.. heyy Luke all over again.. and that fucking hurt too.. so he goes back into the gym classs and TC grabs me to leave because im balling and all that... but then im like "NO" because i DONT want it to end.. because it was like right now.. i remember thinking in my head in my dream that we're SO close to 5months.. it CANT end.. he has a YR scheduled in his phone.. it just cant be over like that.. so quick like it means nothing.. so i go into the guy's changeroom and im like "Corey can u come out for a second please" and he does and i bring him outside and im like im protesting... saying this cant be it.. theere had to be more.. & his eyes were a little teary.. omg.. he had this look onn his face.. that looked hurt & he had tears in his eyes too.. so it looked like it was hard for him but i didnt want it to end.. & then he jus was sooo blunt like Gilles and said something about how he felt like he didnt eat enough with me or something? it sounds so dumb after all that
but.. that dream was the worst..
i dont want to lose him.. i love him.. & i COULD never cheat on him.. its NOT possible... because it hurts me sooo much.. iunno if it hurts me more than him but .. it hurts me if it hurts him and it hurts me not to be with him..
fuck now im feeling like we jus brokeup.. & he didnt understand the story fully.. like Luke.. that was horrible because he wouldnt even listen to what I had to say.. he jus said "never speak to me again.."
i feel like i want to take this chain off.. but i cant..
i just want to be with him right now..
fuck.
its not just words
its just tears & rain
i want to feel you, i need to hear you
you are the light that leading me
to the place where i find peace again
you are the strength that keeps me walking
you are the hope that keeps me trusting
you are the light to my soul
you are my purpose
you're everything to me