stand by me

Nov 28, 2007 22:30

just when i think i've forgotten and moved on, my phone dies and i resort to using my cell from grade 10 and look through pictures and text messages that i have and.. im not sad anymore. i've gotten over it i guess..
i feel so alianated from so many people that i used to be so close with  that i've just gotten used to it. it took me about a year i guess, but i've gotten used to it.
i'm not depressed anymore.. i dont cry so much, which is nice.. i guess it was something i grew out of.. or maybe i just feel more secure with what i'm doing now that i've become more concentrated on school and stopped smoking weed.. for the most part.
but i still have regrets.. and i'll carry them with me for a long time.. maybe forever because i dont think i'll ever find something as special as i did in grade 10. we all just seemed so perfect and weird or just perfectly weird together and as much pain as i went through in that year, i know now as much as i knew then that the only reason i survived that year was my four best friends. i over indugle in things like i did in them and i believed i didnt need anything else  except a lover, who i found and in the end substituted for those friends at first but could never replace them.
i dont know where im going with this.. i never really do.. i just.. want to get as much of this out of me as i can because ... well i dont know why
i guess i just like to reminisce  ..although it hurts because those times seem so far away.. as if they were from a movie or happened to someone else.
hmm i guess i just need to continue to move on and grow, and try to find a new niche to fit into. actually thats been my plan for some time but it just seems so unsatisfying or unnatural.. except with chloe, i'm glad our friendship has evovled in a way but also retained the closeness that its had since grade 6.

"i never had friends in my life, like the ones i had when i was 12" <3   oh those times were so sweeeet!
Previous post Next post
Up