Deep thawts
It's been a while, so it's time for more deep thawts with Zsof.
I was talking with Johannes on Sunday about what being a Laurel means and why it is and yet isn't so darn important. As we were talking, I was finally able to put my finger on where I am coming from, and I'd like to share it with ya'll.
Do I want to be a Laurel or Pelican? Yes...and no. I strive to be peerlike and would like to be a peer one day--it's a goal and doesn't stop me from doing something nor does it motivate me to do something, but it's on the wall as "a form of recognition I would like to receive one day". I don't do what I do because of it, and if I received a peerage, I'd keep doing what I'm doing now.
We started talking about radio silence again (when someone who is about to get their peerage all of a sudden goes through a period where no-one will talk to them it seems.) This silence can make or break a person, and it's really hard. To me, this is why having a Laurel or Pelican around helps--they can help the person work through this "radio silence" and keep going.
I've said it a few places, and I'll say it again: My life in the SCA is filled with radio silence. There are very few people who talk with me about what I do, and I constantly feel like I'm forging new territory. I am so blessed to have Johannes in my life now because he gets it and will talk with me about those theater things that get me excited and he understands it.
Anyway......
As I was talking with Johannes, I stated that recognition is what I crave. When you wear a beautiful dress that you researched and made, lots of people come up and tell you how nice it is, and ask for you documentation, etc. When you make lace, or embroider, or weave, it's there for people to see and comment on and give you props about. When you do theater in the SCA that doesn't happen. We do a show and it's over.
I want to be recognized for the hard work I do. It doesn't have to be an award--that isn't the point. I want my Kingdom to recognize the hard work I do. I do what I do as a member of this kingdom and I strive to be a good member of the populace and to show the Midrealm in it's best light.
I received my Evergreen for my work *and* the work of Sophia the Orange. Yep, we got merged into the same person. And honestly, that took away some of my joy at receiving that award because there was a part of me that thought I didn't get it for my stuff alone, I got it for my stuff AND Sophie's stuff. Was my stuff not enough?
I swear I'm not whining, I'm just being honest about the thoughts I had/have about that award. I am honored to have it, but having Music Subterranea and Commedia stuff on my award sorta makes me feel less special. (and yeah, it's why I've fought doing Commedia stuff for so long--that's Sophie's thang and we've already been confused for each other once, let's not make that happen again, k?)
And you are all my friends, so you're going to tell me you love me and what I do is great and special and I thank you for that ahead of time. But I would love for someone I don't know to tell me how special the Known World Players are and how I have inspired them to do more theatre or stretch their wings and try something new.
Maybe it's too much to ask, and I need to put my drama llama queen away for the day. Cause it's not all about me, and I know that. But dammit, don't I do good?? Can't someone tell me that?
I was talking with Johannes on Sunday about what being a Laurel means and why it is and yet isn't so darn important. As we were talking, I was finally able to put my finger on where I am coming from, and I'd like to share it with ya'll.
Do I want to be a Laurel or Pelican? Yes...and no. I strive to be peerlike and would like to be a peer one day--it's a goal and doesn't stop me from doing something nor does it motivate me to do something, but it's on the wall as "a form of recognition I would like to receive one day". I don't do what I do because of it, and if I received a peerage, I'd keep doing what I'm doing now.
We started talking about radio silence again (when someone who is about to get their peerage all of a sudden goes through a period where no-one will talk to them it seems.) This silence can make or break a person, and it's really hard. To me, this is why having a Laurel or Pelican around helps--they can help the person work through this "radio silence" and keep going.
I've said it a few places, and I'll say it again: My life in the SCA is filled with radio silence. There are very few people who talk with me about what I do, and I constantly feel like I'm forging new territory. I am so blessed to have Johannes in my life now because he gets it and will talk with me about those theater things that get me excited and he understands it.
Anyway......
As I was talking with Johannes, I stated that recognition is what I crave. When you wear a beautiful dress that you researched and made, lots of people come up and tell you how nice it is, and ask for you documentation, etc. When you make lace, or embroider, or weave, it's there for people to see and comment on and give you props about. When you do theater in the SCA that doesn't happen. We do a show and it's over.
I want to be recognized for the hard work I do. It doesn't have to be an award--that isn't the point. I want my Kingdom to recognize the hard work I do. I do what I do as a member of this kingdom and I strive to be a good member of the populace and to show the Midrealm in it's best light.
I received my Evergreen for my work *and* the work of Sophia the Orange. Yep, we got merged into the same person. And honestly, that took away some of my joy at receiving that award because there was a part of me that thought I didn't get it for my stuff alone, I got it for my stuff AND Sophie's stuff. Was my stuff not enough?
I swear I'm not whining, I'm just being honest about the thoughts I had/have about that award. I am honored to have it, but having Music Subterranea and Commedia stuff on my award sorta makes me feel less special. (and yeah, it's why I've fought doing Commedia stuff for so long--that's Sophie's thang and we've already been confused for each other once, let's not make that happen again, k?)
And you are all my friends, so you're going to tell me you love me and what I do is great and special and I thank you for that ahead of time. But I would love for someone I don't know to tell me how special the Known World Players are and how I have inspired them to do more theatre or stretch their wings and try something new.
Maybe it's too much to ask, and I need to put my drama llama queen away for the day. Cause it's not all about me, and I know that. But dammit, don't I do good?? Can't someone tell me that?