Reciprocated musings
I’m a week and a half from a holiday and I’m screaming for it. I have no drive, no oomph. I’m not a self starter anymore, I don’t work well either as part of a team or as an individual. I fall out of bed and fall through an easy days work, head first into an early finish. I really can’t complain about my job, it’s easy. The management don’t slap me on the back as much as I’d like and my hard work goes unnoticed but that’s normal isn’t it? I just need to recharge my batteries. A rack of 20AAs or maybe a pair of cyclic lead acids, just plug me in moonbeam.
Not much of a holiday this year, just a week in Newquay. 300 miles from my work mobile. We’re staying in a little cottage apparently, other than the paying for it I’ve not had much to do with the decision making process. And truthfully I don’t care. Anywhere is good. Somewhere is better but anywhere will do. Like my sister, the one in NZ who just wanted to be as far from here as possible. Snap. I’ll be in NZ by late Feb next year BTW. That’s my big holiday, can’t wait.
Maybe I’ve been clutching at straws as I’ve unravelled but I’ve bought a silly amount of CDs over the last few days. Like a comfort blanket I retreat into music at times of need and envelope myself. This round has seen a return to my homeland. I’ve been stretching my legs over the last few years but just now I need my staple diet of guitars and screams, thump bass and drums, heads to the wall while I ram this CD up my arse coz it rocks. And it’s a breath of fresh air to hear this stuff, the stuff I forgot was my favourite stuff. Stuff. Refused, Crash, Kids Near Water, Gay for Johnny Depp, Jets To Brazil, Horace Pinker, Handgun Bravado, Schleprock.
What have I done this year? I tend to panic every once in a while and feel like life is passing me by, like I’m sitting on my arse watching the sun cross the sky and I stay static, widow peaking and skin thinning. But it’s not true, I lie to myself. The flats been decorated, bills have been paid, I’m happy most of the time, I don’t owe too much, I’ve bought things to improve my surroundings and maybe some other stuff. Point is, don’t listen to your Self Paul. He’s a lying bastard. And my pants are too tight. I know that’s not good for me.
Lisa and I were looking to see how far round the world our Nectar points would get us. I thought we’d do quite well seeing as my fuel bill is sky high and I always use Sainsbury’s (free money as I claim mileage). My 11600 points would get me, among other things, a four slice toaster, a crappy tent or 1/10 of a flight to NZ. How can a toaster = 1/10 of a flight to NZ. 20 toasters shouldn’t be able to get me around the world. Well maybe if I made a raft with them and lived on crumpets.
There’s also a familiar nag at the back of my noggin, it badgers every other year or so and quietly whispers career change career change career change. Do I get bored too easily or is this natural? Will it stop when I find the right career? Have I already found the right career and given it up? This badgering is very similar to the one I used to get when I’d been with a girlfriend for six months. I’m a work slag. I’m never happy with my position, do I want more? Or am I just seeing greener grass where really it’s stinging nettles and cat piss? Maybe I could start a company to manufacture my Toaster Rafts.
But in truth, What's New? I've felt all this before, it'll change then it'll change back.
Not much of a holiday this year, just a week in Newquay. 300 miles from my work mobile. We’re staying in a little cottage apparently, other than the paying for it I’ve not had much to do with the decision making process. And truthfully I don’t care. Anywhere is good. Somewhere is better but anywhere will do. Like my sister, the one in NZ who just wanted to be as far from here as possible. Snap. I’ll be in NZ by late Feb next year BTW. That’s my big holiday, can’t wait.
Maybe I’ve been clutching at straws as I’ve unravelled but I’ve bought a silly amount of CDs over the last few days. Like a comfort blanket I retreat into music at times of need and envelope myself. This round has seen a return to my homeland. I’ve been stretching my legs over the last few years but just now I need my staple diet of guitars and screams, thump bass and drums, heads to the wall while I ram this CD up my arse coz it rocks. And it’s a breath of fresh air to hear this stuff, the stuff I forgot was my favourite stuff. Stuff. Refused, Crash, Kids Near Water, Gay for Johnny Depp, Jets To Brazil, Horace Pinker, Handgun Bravado, Schleprock.
What have I done this year? I tend to panic every once in a while and feel like life is passing me by, like I’m sitting on my arse watching the sun cross the sky and I stay static, widow peaking and skin thinning. But it’s not true, I lie to myself. The flats been decorated, bills have been paid, I’m happy most of the time, I don’t owe too much, I’ve bought things to improve my surroundings and maybe some other stuff. Point is, don’t listen to your Self Paul. He’s a lying bastard. And my pants are too tight. I know that’s not good for me.
Lisa and I were looking to see how far round the world our Nectar points would get us. I thought we’d do quite well seeing as my fuel bill is sky high and I always use Sainsbury’s (free money as I claim mileage). My 11600 points would get me, among other things, a four slice toaster, a crappy tent or 1/10 of a flight to NZ. How can a toaster = 1/10 of a flight to NZ. 20 toasters shouldn’t be able to get me around the world. Well maybe if I made a raft with them and lived on crumpets.
There’s also a familiar nag at the back of my noggin, it badgers every other year or so and quietly whispers career change career change career change. Do I get bored too easily or is this natural? Will it stop when I find the right career? Have I already found the right career and given it up? This badgering is very similar to the one I used to get when I’d been with a girlfriend for six months. I’m a work slag. I’m never happy with my position, do I want more? Or am I just seeing greener grass where really it’s stinging nettles and cat piss? Maybe I could start a company to manufacture my Toaster Rafts.
But in truth, What's New? I've felt all this before, it'll change then it'll change back.