The day before Christmas Eve
I feel like such a girl. On one hand, I'm uber excited that Christmas is coming up and that I'll be spending that time with my family. I'm glad that my siblings are coming over tomorrow to make cookies and play games and talk about life and politics. :-) I'm so blessed to have a family who loves and supports me as much and the way that they do. I shouldn't be feeling empty or lonely. I shouldn't be crying myself to sleep or having nightmares. I shouldn't be faking my smiles and making people believe that I'm ok. The truth is, I'm not. I'm not ok at school... I miss home more than I thought I ever would and it's really affecting me and my work ethic. I'm not ok with him being gone... even if he is going to propose when he comes home, I miss my best friend. So much. I'm not ok with life... there's been too many challenges to over-come. I'm tired, I'm depressed and I hate myself for it. I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to feel like there's nothing for me- no future. I have no future. I'm getting a migrane. I need to lay down.
And stop bitching. Sorry.
And stop bitching. Sorry.