(no subject)
ok i am in such a horrible mood right now. i'm not sure if i want to cry or scream or break something or harm something... ahhhh just when you think you have everything under controll the ground fucking breaks... im sorry i know i dont normally swear in this but i cant help it right now. i just AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. i hate guys... i am done with them. i never want to ever like a fucking guy ever again. if i do CRISTINA YOU BETTER FUCKING BITCH SLAP ME. because i will not have it. all they do is hurt you. and they never like you back. so what the hell is the point anyways? i'm starting my old habbit up again. and i really wish i wasnt but it just seems like it's the only thing to make things feel better. it's the fastest way to releif. and i know i told myself a year ago that i would never do it again or i'd fucking kill myself. but i have.... and i wish i hadn't.. because now that i have it's never gonna go away. damn i just dont even know what to do now. i want to runaway. i want to do something i want to scream but i cant. there is nothing i can do. but just sit here and fucking feel sorry for myself. yeah thats it i said it. i'm a fucking loser and i feel sorry for myself because i have nothing fucking better to do. i could use someone right now!. but noooooo there isn't even anyone here to use. hattie isn't here and xstina lives way to far away. so here i am just alone... sitting here. and i feel a little bit better now. but not enough. i need something yet i dont know what i need. but i know i'll never get it. so i'm just gonna keep living life always needing something but never having it. damn i know you guys dont want to read my bitching but i am sorry i just really needed to do this. i swear music is the only thing that is always there for you... no matter what. it's always there.