Spiritual thinking.
I am not one to cut people out like I did to you. It goes against my nature. I've always considered myself a "friend to everyone." In most cases I am kind and compassionate to those around me. So their is very little reason for me to remove someone from my life in such a dramatic fashion. To go from talking to dead air in the matter of moments.
First and foremost I am a child of God. Someone who has decided to follow His path though His Son, Jesus Christ. I spend time in prayer. Often seeking guidance for elements going on in my life. Elements that trouble me. Rare times I seek out answers. Often times asking for messages though those who know me. Who I will listen to and seek advice from. That is what happened in this case.
You were storm back then. Even now as the years have passed this has remained true. But now their are other elements that have been added to the mix. Not sure what the hell you got yourself into. But it is not good. Your playing with things no one should. That can be the only explanation for what transpired a few days ago.
These people who send me the message. Three who I am close to. It would be easy to dismiss if it was one person with warning. But three people with the *same* warning? Nearly word for word. Who do not talk to each other? Something like that you cannot ignore. For those of us who walk with Christ we believe that the Lord will send messages when needed. It isn't though a voice in the normal sense of the word. But often though images and words. Or sometimes though the people who are close to us in our life. They shape us into who we are.
The message was overly clear. Cut ties. Their is a danger if you are involved. If you stay connected their will be more trouble for you. You cannot see the spiritual danger you are in. I go against my nature. But I cannot ignore this. Even my own sense tells me this is on the up and up. I have no choice but for now to screen my calls and ignore your emails.
I know only some of the stuff you are into. You are playing with a profound fire that has opened a path for the darkness. Along with the fact that the Lord is calling you to something greater and you have ignored this. He wants you to hit rock bottom. I have no idea what is going on in the shadows of your life. You've spent too much of your life denying the issues that haunt you. Creating drama. Part of me hopes you just don't realize what you are doing and that you are just blind. But part of me knows you are well aware. Your messages as of late show this.
I did have feeling for you. Part of me still does. But it's hard to build a connection when you cannot leave to be here. Nor can I leave for my own deep and personal reasons. A relationship would not work out. I see this now. Not in your current state. Nor in mine. I've been walking the line between light and dark for far longer than you realize. It's a personal war that I wage and one that nearly consumed me a few times.
When you called I had no choice but to blow you off. I felt something in your words. That betrayed the sweet nature that you sometimes put on. When I got off the phone I had one of the worse panic attacks ever. This one bothered me because I could not function for some time. Let alone the images I saw that disturbed me to no end. It felt like a battle was being waged for my soul that night and God managed to win the round. I felt like I was being torn apart. I saw a note of your later and had that same kind of gut reaction. Something that is not normal for me.
When it comes to matters like this. I must take steps to protect myself. It's nothing personal in this case. I'm hoping that once you learn the lessons that God is asking of you to learn that we can be friends again. But till then this is how it must be. I must follow what I know in my heart is the best path. I cannot be caught up in your life right now. Not when I am being told that you are a block to what God has planned for me.
It troubles me that I cannot share this with you. But it is clear to me on this. Your notes only confirm this. More so with my own battle that I have to wage myself. One that only I can face. I didn't lie to you on friday night. I spoke the honest truth with out even realizing it. For God has asked something of me. One that will be very difficult to unwind myself from. But it is not something I will go into here on LJ. Nor will I talk about it when asked. Some battles are solitary wars of the heart the mind and the soul.
Sometimes we do things that go against our nature. Only because we have no other choice or risk losing things. Right now in my life I cannot take that risk....
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First and foremost I am a child of God. Someone who has decided to follow His path though His Son, Jesus Christ. I spend time in prayer. Often seeking guidance for elements going on in my life. Elements that trouble me. Rare times I seek out answers. Often times asking for messages though those who know me. Who I will listen to and seek advice from. That is what happened in this case.
You were storm back then. Even now as the years have passed this has remained true. But now their are other elements that have been added to the mix. Not sure what the hell you got yourself into. But it is not good. Your playing with things no one should. That can be the only explanation for what transpired a few days ago.
These people who send me the message. Three who I am close to. It would be easy to dismiss if it was one person with warning. But three people with the *same* warning? Nearly word for word. Who do not talk to each other? Something like that you cannot ignore. For those of us who walk with Christ we believe that the Lord will send messages when needed. It isn't though a voice in the normal sense of the word. But often though images and words. Or sometimes though the people who are close to us in our life. They shape us into who we are.
The message was overly clear. Cut ties. Their is a danger if you are involved. If you stay connected their will be more trouble for you. You cannot see the spiritual danger you are in. I go against my nature. But I cannot ignore this. Even my own sense tells me this is on the up and up. I have no choice but for now to screen my calls and ignore your emails.
I know only some of the stuff you are into. You are playing with a profound fire that has opened a path for the darkness. Along with the fact that the Lord is calling you to something greater and you have ignored this. He wants you to hit rock bottom. I have no idea what is going on in the shadows of your life. You've spent too much of your life denying the issues that haunt you. Creating drama. Part of me hopes you just don't realize what you are doing and that you are just blind. But part of me knows you are well aware. Your messages as of late show this.
I did have feeling for you. Part of me still does. But it's hard to build a connection when you cannot leave to be here. Nor can I leave for my own deep and personal reasons. A relationship would not work out. I see this now. Not in your current state. Nor in mine. I've been walking the line between light and dark for far longer than you realize. It's a personal war that I wage and one that nearly consumed me a few times.
When you called I had no choice but to blow you off. I felt something in your words. That betrayed the sweet nature that you sometimes put on. When I got off the phone I had one of the worse panic attacks ever. This one bothered me because I could not function for some time. Let alone the images I saw that disturbed me to no end. It felt like a battle was being waged for my soul that night and God managed to win the round. I felt like I was being torn apart. I saw a note of your later and had that same kind of gut reaction. Something that is not normal for me.
When it comes to matters like this. I must take steps to protect myself. It's nothing personal in this case. I'm hoping that once you learn the lessons that God is asking of you to learn that we can be friends again. But till then this is how it must be. I must follow what I know in my heart is the best path. I cannot be caught up in your life right now. Not when I am being told that you are a block to what God has planned for me.
It troubles me that I cannot share this with you. But it is clear to me on this. Your notes only confirm this. More so with my own battle that I have to wage myself. One that only I can face. I didn't lie to you on friday night. I spoke the honest truth with out even realizing it. For God has asked something of me. One that will be very difficult to unwind myself from. But it is not something I will go into here on LJ. Nor will I talk about it when asked. Some battles are solitary wars of the heart the mind and the soul.
Sometimes we do things that go against our nature. Only because we have no other choice or risk losing things. Right now in my life I cannot take that risk....
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