So I actually *told* a story tonight at Storytellers. It was true, of course- I suck at lying.
A night or so ago I mentioned on Facebook and Twitter that I'd had a nightmare of disturbing proportions. Further details were classified, but at Storytellers tonight I revealed the whole tale, and now that I've gone public in meatspace I might as well share to all of cyberspace as well.
It started when I complained about my trashcan maggot situation to Jason R. He suggested using kitty litter to dry out the inside of the trashbags, making the conditions less moist and thus less friendly to the generation of maggots. I followed his advice, figuring it couldn't hurt, and worst-case I'd be out 10 bucks for a bag of kitty litter.
That was Saturday. That night, I had a dream. At least, I'd like to believe it was a dream, but I suspect it wasn't. I got up in the middle of the night, groggily, to get some cold water from the fridge. I turned on the kitchen light, and the little kitchen beetles scurried away, as they usually do, although I noticed they were particularly dilatory about it tonight, like they had every right to be there and I was a bumbling intruder who would go away if they ignored me for a bit.
Then I noticed the unusual amount of whiteness over by the trashcan. At first I thought someone had overstuffed the white trash bag and then tied it off, still leaving it in the canister. But when it moved and my eyes focused more, I realized that no, that huge white thing was a giant maggot, nearly the width of the trash-can and wearing some sort of yellow-gold thing on its head. It looked like a bit of plastic wrapping, crumpled in a sort of pointy circle.
I screamed, but I think I was too scared to actually make a sound, and merely opened my mouth and tried really hard not to throw up in disgust and terror. It was really fucking gross. Really really really fucking gross. Then the maggot spoke to me and I shuddered even more than I was already doing, because the only thing worse than a giant maggot is a giant talking maggot. "Huuuuman! I am the Maggot King! Youuuu havvvve trezzzzzpazzzzed in my kingdom! Youuuu havvvve stopped the spawwwwning of my people! Our spontaneouzzzzzz generation hazzz been halted by youuur nefariouzzzz poizzzzon, youuur drying agent! Youuu wwwwill pay for thizzzz outrage!"
He declared that I would suffer 3 curses: My food would spoil, so that the maggots would have more to eat, and I would have less. My home would become moister and moister, so that they would thrive and I would languish. And I would be forced to live in the dark, which they preferred, so that in the end I would be overrun by their kindred.
After this pronouncement, the maggot bobbed smugly and chittered to itself. I grabbed a frying pan from the drying rack and slammed it down on its head, then flipped the lid back onto the canister and banged on it a few more times for good measure. I went back to my room and lay awake for an hour or two, wondering if the Maggot King could actually do what he threatened. I figured he couldn't, because hadn't my messing with the microclimate of his bag threatened to undo him? If he had powers like he claimed, couldn't he have used them to make the bag palatable despite the kitty litter?
Also, the very concept of a Maggot King was ridiculous, because maggots are juveniles by nature. You're far more likely to have a Beetle King and a Maggot Prince. So when I woke in the morning, I wrote it off as a dream.
My day was going pretty well until Eric called around 2:45 pm to ask if there was a power outage at my house. I told him I was at work, but I'd check when I got home. Sure enough, when I got home all the lights were out in the hallway. It was dark, just like the Maggot King had foretold. Then I realized that the air conditioning wasn't working- the electricity was out, and the uncooled, uncirculated air in the house was close to 100% humidity, what with the recent rain. There had been a power outage, obviously- which meant that the food in the fridge and freezer was in danger of spoiling, should I open the doors too often and let all the cold air out. I shivered, despite the heat. Could the Maggot King have done this?
I ignored the curses, if curses they were, and went about my business as well as I could. The gas stove and water were still running, so I washed the dishes, cleaned the countertop, baked cookies, and reheated pizza. I turned chaos into order, decay into cleanliness. I fought the Maggot King in my own way, on the declared battleground. Then I left, having done all I could do.
At 7:30 pm or so I called Erin to ask if the power was back on. "Oh, yeah, it is." I smiled. The Maggot King's influence was short-lived, just like his species. I had won- or so I hoped.
It started when I complained about my trashcan maggot situation to Jason R. He suggested using kitty litter to dry out the inside of the trashbags, making the conditions less moist and thus less friendly to the generation of maggots. I followed his advice, figuring it couldn't hurt, and worst-case I'd be out 10 bucks for a bag of kitty litter.
That was Saturday. That night, I had a dream. At least, I'd like to believe it was a dream, but I suspect it wasn't. I got up in the middle of the night, groggily, to get some cold water from the fridge. I turned on the kitchen light, and the little kitchen beetles scurried away, as they usually do, although I noticed they were particularly dilatory about it tonight, like they had every right to be there and I was a bumbling intruder who would go away if they ignored me for a bit.
Then I noticed the unusual amount of whiteness over by the trashcan. At first I thought someone had overstuffed the white trash bag and then tied it off, still leaving it in the canister. But when it moved and my eyes focused more, I realized that no, that huge white thing was a giant maggot, nearly the width of the trash-can and wearing some sort of yellow-gold thing on its head. It looked like a bit of plastic wrapping, crumpled in a sort of pointy circle.
I screamed, but I think I was too scared to actually make a sound, and merely opened my mouth and tried really hard not to throw up in disgust and terror. It was really fucking gross. Really really really fucking gross. Then the maggot spoke to me and I shuddered even more than I was already doing, because the only thing worse than a giant maggot is a giant talking maggot. "Huuuuman! I am the Maggot King! Youuuu havvvve trezzzzzpazzzzed in my kingdom! Youuuu havvvve stopped the spawwwwning of my people! Our spontaneouzzzzzz generation hazzz been halted by youuur nefariouzzzz poizzzzon, youuur drying agent! Youuu wwwwill pay for thizzzz outrage!"
He declared that I would suffer 3 curses: My food would spoil, so that the maggots would have more to eat, and I would have less. My home would become moister and moister, so that they would thrive and I would languish. And I would be forced to live in the dark, which they preferred, so that in the end I would be overrun by their kindred.
After this pronouncement, the maggot bobbed smugly and chittered to itself. I grabbed a frying pan from the drying rack and slammed it down on its head, then flipped the lid back onto the canister and banged on it a few more times for good measure. I went back to my room and lay awake for an hour or two, wondering if the Maggot King could actually do what he threatened. I figured he couldn't, because hadn't my messing with the microclimate of his bag threatened to undo him? If he had powers like he claimed, couldn't he have used them to make the bag palatable despite the kitty litter?
Also, the very concept of a Maggot King was ridiculous, because maggots are juveniles by nature. You're far more likely to have a Beetle King and a Maggot Prince. So when I woke in the morning, I wrote it off as a dream.
My day was going pretty well until Eric called around 2:45 pm to ask if there was a power outage at my house. I told him I was at work, but I'd check when I got home. Sure enough, when I got home all the lights were out in the hallway. It was dark, just like the Maggot King had foretold. Then I realized that the air conditioning wasn't working- the electricity was out, and the uncooled, uncirculated air in the house was close to 100% humidity, what with the recent rain. There had been a power outage, obviously- which meant that the food in the fridge and freezer was in danger of spoiling, should I open the doors too often and let all the cold air out. I shivered, despite the heat. Could the Maggot King have done this?
I ignored the curses, if curses they were, and went about my business as well as I could. The gas stove and water were still running, so I washed the dishes, cleaned the countertop, baked cookies, and reheated pizza. I turned chaos into order, decay into cleanliness. I fought the Maggot King in my own way, on the declared battleground. Then I left, having done all I could do.
At 7:30 pm or so I called Erin to ask if the power was back on. "Oh, yeah, it is." I smiled. The Maggot King's influence was short-lived, just like his species. I had won- or so I hoped.