"Life sucks and this last time you will hear me complain"
Yeah life is a huge bummer and no one seems to give a rats ass about me. Jason apparently just went and left the state and didn't tell anyone so I am out 32 bucks just cause I went and bought his ticket without him paying me. Now Cari is feeling unsure on if she wants to go to the concert or not. So basically I am pondering if I wanna go, especially when no one I know is going anymore, I dont even know if this girl I barely know from work Kristen is going. So if I end up not going, I have wasted 64 bucks and I am just screwed royaly. Yeah this isn't a big concert but there are some bands I wanted to see and this would be the only thing I have done in like months cause of fucking college. I am sick of it right now. Its so full of bullshit and crap that they know is crap but no one does anything about it that it makes me sick. I just feel so alone now more than ever in my life. I have been almost broke every time I get a paycheck, and its not like I have bad money management, hell the only thing I have bought for myself recently was a needed ethernet cable and a foo fighters leather wristband thingy, like 20 bucks total. I dont have enough money for christmas this year I can feel it, cause I know how Geico works, they always send a bill before christmas, all fucking bills come before christmas it pisses me off. I am sick and tired of being worried and stressed out over all these fucking finals and bullshit work I have to do for college, theres to much pressure on college students I think, especially when I have 3 tests in a row in just one class cause the teacher is an idiot and the class is behind. I know I want to be a successful person and have a career and have an education but college just sucks right now. I cant take this shit anymore. I will be so glad when this semester is over. I am tired of feeling down and not feeling happy and only having periods of happiness and more periods of madness and despair. I have felt alone for so long I cant even remember when I wasn't. There is only one real person who for at times makes that feeling go away and I cannot figure out why fully but the feeling of lonelyness goes away. I feel just a little cared about and liked for who I am rather than who I should be. That it is alright to be me and thats that. They dont make me feel bad and guilty for who I am now. They dont judge me because I do not judge them, especially based on their past and mine, to do so would be unfair and unjust. I can talk to them and have a decent conversation and be able to relate and understand what I am saying rather than just listen. They give thanks where as most would not. They respect my views on life rather than argue as to why they may be wrong like other selfish people do to me. Out of all the people I know I can see more kindness and respect and greatness then anyone else. And even though I have only known them for a short time, all this I know for sure. Already have I realized their trust and the satisfaction of knowing that they give a damn just enough to make me feel wanted on this hell I call a average life. I hope and pray that nothing screws that up for me cause I wouldnt have much and life would just suck really really bad. Aja, I am so glad I met you. Now off to sleep off my woes and wake my ass up and do more work.