Let me tell you a story
I didn't feel a need to make this friends only. I will reserve my piece of humble pie for another day. I just feel really proud of myself and I just... want to share it with anyone and everyone. It was exhilarating, scary, amazing, and something I will never forget for the rest of my life.
I spoke. I believe the count was a bit over 100 people attending that banquet. I was one of two guest speakers who were there to tell how their program helped them. Programs being funded by mostly everyone in the crowd - and the United Way of Pike County's president. My leg was pumping a mile a minute. I was shaking in a cold sweat that whole night. I took my speech and stood by the podium, listening to the UW president talk. I could hear jumbled conversation and forks against dinner plates - the usual restaurant ambiance.
The only other speaker went before me. I suddenly wondered if mine was too long. For a moment, I almost thought of telling them I couldn't do it. To walk out and wait in the car until my father finished his dinner. Almost. I listened to this woman, who had been a victim of domestic abuse, speak very briefly. If she could tell her story, I could. Though she didn't tell much and I definitely respected her for it. I thought maybe I revealed too much in mine. It was very personal. I feel like I would be ripping myself open to these people I didn't know. People who might judge me. I was vulnerable.
I stood at the podium. "Hello everyone", and laughed a little. Because it was so dorky and informal, and I was in front of a sea of fancy dresses and business suits. But I kept on. My finger trembled non-stop as I read from the paper. "I'm here to tell you a very short, but true story... I used to know someone who hid in the darkness of their room, blinds shut - door closed." After this, the room hushed. I could no longer hear the ambiance I had heard all throughout the evening - even when the other woman spoke.
I looked through the room and at the faces of the people who were now giving their full and complete attention. I looked at them because I wanted to know this was me. It was who I was and my life was an open book. And I put it out there to show them how valuable their funding was. How much it helped. How far I had progressed and the hardships I'd faced when I was a child. One woman in the front row was so touched, she had tears streaming down her face and red eyes. I had done that. I had touched a life with my story.
As the speech came to a close, it overwhelmed me. It was emotional for me, digging up these things and exposing them. But I felt a peace up there, through my trembling and stuttering. I had brought these things up to a mass of people - exposed myself. Everything I tried to ignore was out there. And as tears fell down my cheeks, I finally finished my speech.
They stood up. Then they applauded. I couldn't hear myself stammering "Thank you" through the speakers. I looked over these people... giving ME a standing ovation. I scanned the crowd and found a few crying faces through my own clouded eyes. I truly felt inside, that whole room that night was proud of me. There is no feeling in the world than being applauded for something that came from deep inside you, and being cheered by a hundred people who respect you in some way.
As I walked back from my seat, a few people shook my hand and told me I did great. One man thanked me a great deal. One woman came up to me, hugged me, and said "I don't know who you are exactly, but I'm proud of you." When I sat down, the director of the program told me "This is something that will not be forgotten for a long time around here, you know."
I never felt so alive than I did that night. I never felt so accomplished just by sharing something true to me. I will never ever EVER forget that night for as long as I live. It's something I don't want to forget. I've never felt so much support and love in one room. I feel so honored to have had that experience at least once in my life. And I'm proud of myself for taking that plunge.
After everything that's been going on the past 2 months, I finally feel like I've achieved some clarity and peace. Not that it's solved all my problems! But it felt like it changed me. I feel like going out and grabbing life again. I want to speak more - not that I will get a standing ovation ever again probably. But even if I hadn't gotten a positive response, I couldn't imagine ever going through life without doing it again.
I am happy... and I am proud of myself.
I spoke. I believe the count was a bit over 100 people attending that banquet. I was one of two guest speakers who were there to tell how their program helped them. Programs being funded by mostly everyone in the crowd - and the United Way of Pike County's president. My leg was pumping a mile a minute. I was shaking in a cold sweat that whole night. I took my speech and stood by the podium, listening to the UW president talk. I could hear jumbled conversation and forks against dinner plates - the usual restaurant ambiance.
The only other speaker went before me. I suddenly wondered if mine was too long. For a moment, I almost thought of telling them I couldn't do it. To walk out and wait in the car until my father finished his dinner. Almost. I listened to this woman, who had been a victim of domestic abuse, speak very briefly. If she could tell her story, I could. Though she didn't tell much and I definitely respected her for it. I thought maybe I revealed too much in mine. It was very personal. I feel like I would be ripping myself open to these people I didn't know. People who might judge me. I was vulnerable.
I stood at the podium. "Hello everyone", and laughed a little. Because it was so dorky and informal, and I was in front of a sea of fancy dresses and business suits. But I kept on. My finger trembled non-stop as I read from the paper. "I'm here to tell you a very short, but true story... I used to know someone who hid in the darkness of their room, blinds shut - door closed." After this, the room hushed. I could no longer hear the ambiance I had heard all throughout the evening - even when the other woman spoke.
I looked through the room and at the faces of the people who were now giving their full and complete attention. I looked at them because I wanted to know this was me. It was who I was and my life was an open book. And I put it out there to show them how valuable their funding was. How much it helped. How far I had progressed and the hardships I'd faced when I was a child. One woman in the front row was so touched, she had tears streaming down her face and red eyes. I had done that. I had touched a life with my story.
As the speech came to a close, it overwhelmed me. It was emotional for me, digging up these things and exposing them. But I felt a peace up there, through my trembling and stuttering. I had brought these things up to a mass of people - exposed myself. Everything I tried to ignore was out there. And as tears fell down my cheeks, I finally finished my speech.
They stood up. Then they applauded. I couldn't hear myself stammering "Thank you" through the speakers. I looked over these people... giving ME a standing ovation. I scanned the crowd and found a few crying faces through my own clouded eyes. I truly felt inside, that whole room that night was proud of me. There is no feeling in the world than being applauded for something that came from deep inside you, and being cheered by a hundred people who respect you in some way.
As I walked back from my seat, a few people shook my hand and told me I did great. One man thanked me a great deal. One woman came up to me, hugged me, and said "I don't know who you are exactly, but I'm proud of you." When I sat down, the director of the program told me "This is something that will not be forgotten for a long time around here, you know."
I never felt so alive than I did that night. I never felt so accomplished just by sharing something true to me. I will never ever EVER forget that night for as long as I live. It's something I don't want to forget. I've never felt so much support and love in one room. I feel so honored to have had that experience at least once in my life. And I'm proud of myself for taking that plunge.
After everything that's been going on the past 2 months, I finally feel like I've achieved some clarity and peace. Not that it's solved all my problems! But it felt like it changed me. I feel like going out and grabbing life again. I want to speak more - not that I will get a standing ovation ever again probably. But even if I hadn't gotten a positive response, I couldn't imagine ever going through life without doing it again.
I am happy... and I am proud of myself.