(no subject)
i'm not hungry
but i have to work so i really should
i don't feel like doing anything
i feel guilty
i feel like i'm blocking my mom from loving the person she really loves, not the only block but, one of them
and i feel sorry for her
i feel also guilty towards my dad, because i often act more loyal to my mom than towards him
that's not being a good kid
right?
i feel confused my feelings are all over
my friend is in her holiday mood again
for one i feel unneeded, every time i send something i don't really get reaction and i don't know
i feel like testing again, how long would it take for her to send me something? a few hours? a day? would it go further?
but i just can't bring myself to do it because i always want to say /something/ and i'm scared of the outcome? what if i test and we end up being awkward or angry and we won't be real friends anymore
and always afterwards i feel guilty for not trusting her ;A;
a second, i really just /worry/ about her and i can get even angry about it
i'm worried that there are things wrong but that she won't talk about it and just store everything in herself
that's so not good~
i'm also worried because she's going to school in another city next year and she hasn't asked for a home and is not signed in in the school
also she would work this holiday and the money is really important for her, also because she's going to another city
but she won't really search for one, she should just put her mind behind it and search until she has one you know, not like lalallalala i'll find onneeee
she would work next month but it's only one week left and i swear if she works in september i will be emotional a wrack because i'm on holiday for 16 days next month and if she works then it's not really a blockade but in september i want to go do things with her, i don't work then and just hizqmehgizqomghiqzom
or is that too selfish
besides everytime she has to ask or use money from her sister or parents, she feels so guilty~ but why won't she just find a job?? AUGH I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND
that's another thing~
there are so many things i just don't understand but we rarely have /talks/ anymore
and just hhhhh
i don't know what to doooo
and otherwise i just feel horrible and idk
it's so bad, i feel like hurting myself again
but i have to struggle to not do it, last time i regretted it so much
and i know after this period i will just feel stupid for feeling like this
and certainly will regret the signs
don't mind me i'm just in a fml period
but i have to work so i really should
i don't feel like doing anything
i feel guilty
i feel like i'm blocking my mom from loving the person she really loves, not the only block but, one of them
and i feel sorry for her
i feel also guilty towards my dad, because i often act more loyal to my mom than towards him
that's not being a good kid
right?
i feel confused my feelings are all over
my friend is in her holiday mood again
for one i feel unneeded, every time i send something i don't really get reaction and i don't know
i feel like testing again, how long would it take for her to send me something? a few hours? a day? would it go further?
but i just can't bring myself to do it because i always want to say /something/ and i'm scared of the outcome? what if i test and we end up being awkward or angry and we won't be real friends anymore
and always afterwards i feel guilty for not trusting her ;A;
a second, i really just /worry/ about her and i can get even angry about it
i'm worried that there are things wrong but that she won't talk about it and just store everything in herself
that's so not good~
i'm also worried because she's going to school in another city next year and she hasn't asked for a home and is not signed in in the school
also she would work this holiday and the money is really important for her, also because she's going to another city
but she won't really search for one, she should just put her mind behind it and search until she has one you know, not like lalallalala i'll find onneeee
she would work next month but it's only one week left and i swear if she works in september i will be emotional a wrack because i'm on holiday for 16 days next month and if she works then it's not really a blockade but in september i want to go do things with her, i don't work then and just hizqmehgizqomghiqzom
or is that too selfish
besides everytime she has to ask or use money from her sister or parents, she feels so guilty~ but why won't she just find a job?? AUGH I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND
that's another thing~
there are so many things i just don't understand but we rarely have /talks/ anymore
and just hhhhh
i don't know what to doooo
and otherwise i just feel horrible and idk
it's so bad, i feel like hurting myself again
but i have to struggle to not do it, last time i regretted it so much
and i know after this period i will just feel stupid for feeling like this
and certainly will regret the signs
don't mind me i'm just in a fml period