(no subject)
i hate losing
and i'm now ~
i'm not new anymore
i'm boring and it's normal people don't like me that much~
my current best friend had found a new friend who's much sweeter
and gives lot's of love
they never met really but they have conversations on tumblr~
they are both very popular on tumblr
in their messages it's al 'my love' and 'bb' and 'my sweet' and ' aren't you just adorable' stuff
i know ~
i'm jealous but i can't help it
every time i open my dashboard my heart is racing
and when i found most of those messages at once i got a racing heart and goosebumps everywhere and my hands were trembling ~
what is this?
i hate it ~
2 years ago we were really good friends,
we were both in to asian pop
we send mails non stop, we missed eachother and we would have contact as much we could
we still had secrets ~ours ~ and we were always together~
i could lean and we'd hold hands ~
we were kind of soulmates and i felt i had an important place in my mates' life~
all of that stopped around april
i wasn't the person who got the most attention
i was one of the others
we weren't that close anymore
i didn't lean anymore or hug cause i was scared i'd be a bother or irritating and would be left alone ~
but there grew a distance between us
it took a long time before there was some improvement
it still never became the same like before
ini the beginning of this schoolyear it was also a little awkward between us
besides there were a lot other friends in our world
it wast just the two of us anymore
now were with more
and i had to give away al lot of my attention
i had it really difficult with that ~
i still have~
i was so envious of those people who could touch and have skinship
i couldn't cause i was scared
and i was convinced that it wouldn't be excepted if i did
it got better tough
now we are getting close again
but i still notice there are no real mails
only those because it's a habit
i try really hard to act good enough to become more again
soul mates very close
something just between us i don't want to be at the same place like other people
i want to mean something more
every time i put my computer on i first check if there is mail
i check if tumblr is active
we're the only ones on tumblr so it our place
i mean among the people in my area
then again like i said my friend is very popular on tumblr and talks to the other popular people on tumblr and if you'd see their messages you'd think they are all lovers
okay no i'm just unbearably jealous
but if i check my mail and don't see any
none not at all (so i'm not really important/ i'm forgotten)
and then check tumblr and see they are all having happy conversations and stuff
and dreaming of going to visit eachother in their countries
i'm upset
i'm just like the friend from school
not really exciting ,
i'm not like those from tumblr , i'm different
i'm just a friend
not one that gets love just because i'm liked or loved
just a normal friend
i lost
i'm not that important anymore
and i will probably never be again ~
even though i'm hoping i will be
i have been thinking about telling
but i'm scared that my friend will be annoyed
and get sick of me and just leave me alone
and that's the last think i want
i just feel broken
and i'm desperate
i wish i knew what to do ~
(_ _)
and i'm now ~
i'm not new anymore
i'm boring and it's normal people don't like me that much~
my current best friend had found a new friend who's much sweeter
and gives lot's of love
they never met really but they have conversations on tumblr~
they are both very popular on tumblr
in their messages it's al 'my love' and 'bb' and 'my sweet' and ' aren't you just adorable' stuff
i know ~
i'm jealous but i can't help it
every time i open my dashboard my heart is racing
and when i found most of those messages at once i got a racing heart and goosebumps everywhere and my hands were trembling ~
what is this?
i hate it ~
2 years ago we were really good friends,
we were both in to asian pop
we send mails non stop, we missed eachother and we would have contact as much we could
we still had secrets ~ours ~ and we were always together~
i could lean and we'd hold hands ~
we were kind of soulmates and i felt i had an important place in my mates' life~
all of that stopped around april
i wasn't the person who got the most attention
i was one of the others
we weren't that close anymore
i didn't lean anymore or hug cause i was scared i'd be a bother or irritating and would be left alone ~
but there grew a distance between us
it took a long time before there was some improvement
it still never became the same like before
ini the beginning of this schoolyear it was also a little awkward between us
besides there were a lot other friends in our world
it wast just the two of us anymore
now were with more
and i had to give away al lot of my attention
i had it really difficult with that ~
i still have~
i was so envious of those people who could touch and have skinship
i couldn't cause i was scared
and i was convinced that it wouldn't be excepted if i did
it got better tough
now we are getting close again
but i still notice there are no real mails
only those because it's a habit
i try really hard to act good enough to become more again
soul mates very close
something just between us i don't want to be at the same place like other people
i want to mean something more
every time i put my computer on i first check if there is mail
i check if tumblr is active
we're the only ones on tumblr so it our place
i mean among the people in my area
then again like i said my friend is very popular on tumblr and talks to the other popular people on tumblr and if you'd see their messages you'd think they are all lovers
okay no i'm just unbearably jealous
but if i check my mail and don't see any
none not at all (so i'm not really important/ i'm forgotten)
and then check tumblr and see they are all having happy conversations and stuff
and dreaming of going to visit eachother in their countries
i'm upset
i'm just like the friend from school
not really exciting ,
i'm not like those from tumblr , i'm different
i'm just a friend
not one that gets love just because i'm liked or loved
just a normal friend
i lost
i'm not that important anymore
and i will probably never be again ~
even though i'm hoping i will be
i have been thinking about telling
but i'm scared that my friend will be annoyed
and get sick of me and just leave me alone
and that's the last think i want
i just feel broken
and i'm desperate
i wish i knew what to do ~
(_ _)