and it was all yellow.
doing better. having moments of peace. they usually occur at my parents house where i am at, alone. save the dogs. the puppy i think is all too humana nd must have been my best friend or child ina former life i think.
running makes my lungs ache. but it pacifies the desire to light up. im making it kids, sorely but surely.
nights are hard. havent gotten on a decent sleeping schedule. and being alone in a very quiet house hearing the beams settle freaks me out. i have this fear of being burglarized. so that doesnt help my insomnia. ive tried warm milk, hot tea, hot bath, im exercizing to no avail. and yet it is 3 or 4 am every night. whatever.
finally reading Ishmael. I do thinkt here is a time and place for some things, and this book would be a prime example.
wearing my old[er] jeans right now. pooching out like a fat hippo regardless that the scale says im the same weight. just need ot buff up. need. to stop. smok. ing.
watched the sky bleed red and then to dark this evening. driving off to my jog i saw four little black birds with yellow breasts, all evenly lined up on the top rim of my mother's water fountain. truly beautiful.
last night babysitting the goldilocks Allie. so precious. so precious. when she gets outo f hte bath and i wrap her up in an extra large big fluffy blue towel and rock her in the chair she looks like an angel sleeping and sometimes i feel i would die if i sat there a moment longer. my heart just bursting at something to innately peaceful.
now im getting sappy.
this is cynical jen turned sentimental, over and out.
running makes my lungs ache. but it pacifies the desire to light up. im making it kids, sorely but surely.
nights are hard. havent gotten on a decent sleeping schedule. and being alone in a very quiet house hearing the beams settle freaks me out. i have this fear of being burglarized. so that doesnt help my insomnia. ive tried warm milk, hot tea, hot bath, im exercizing to no avail. and yet it is 3 or 4 am every night. whatever.
finally reading Ishmael. I do thinkt here is a time and place for some things, and this book would be a prime example.
wearing my old[er] jeans right now. pooching out like a fat hippo regardless that the scale says im the same weight. just need ot buff up. need. to stop. smok. ing.
watched the sky bleed red and then to dark this evening. driving off to my jog i saw four little black birds with yellow breasts, all evenly lined up on the top rim of my mother's water fountain. truly beautiful.
last night babysitting the goldilocks Allie. so precious. so precious. when she gets outo f hte bath and i wrap her up in an extra large big fluffy blue towel and rock her in the chair she looks like an angel sleeping and sometimes i feel i would die if i sat there a moment longer. my heart just bursting at something to innately peaceful.
now im getting sappy.
this is cynical jen turned sentimental, over and out.