Lian...
Well, this has been a pretty good break so far. Getting into vet school was a happy surprise, especially so early, and it is good to see the family and all that...
I'm getting more and more worried about my dog Lian, though. Every time I come home to visit with her, I notice how skinny she's become, and how she's having more and more difficulty walking. I know all the physiology behind it, and how her prednisolone and vetalog usage over the past thirteen years have skyrocketed her liver and pancreatic enzymes... also how her bowel is overactive and that she can't absorb nutrients from food as well as she used to, and how she can hardly walk because of muscle atrophy and joint problems stemming from her lifelong allergies. All of this I know, and all of this is understandable given her age. But what kills me inside is that she is treated like a cancer victim by my family, and how her old-age conditions constantly fall on my shoulders, being a pre-vet (soon to be vet) student. All I want for her is to get love and attention from the family, plenty of food, plenty of comfort, and to be able to live out her remaining years with those things in her life. It hurts me to think that she might not be around in a few years, and it's something I know deep down, but it's not something I want to have plaguing my relationship with her. I always try to look at her and treat her like I treated her back when she was only 2 or 3 years old... That's what she deserves, and that's what makes us happy. It's impossible to do it, though, with everyone's relentless questions, accusations, and unnecessary statements.
On the one hand, my brother has expressed his belief that my parents and I are cruel people for keeping her alive. Apparently he thinks she is living a miserable existence, and that we should have killed her years ago to end the pain. So I've got that on my conscience. Knowing what I know about canine health and behavior, though, I really disagree. Lian is happy to be alive. Every day, she has people's comings and goings to look forward to, the periodic treats, the petting, and she's always in a cheerful mood when she's not sleeping. How can you possibly look at that and make a decision to end her life? It's bullshit.
On the other hand, I constantly have my parents or other siblings asking me "Why is she so skinny?" or "What's that lump?" or "Why does her breath smell so bad?" or "She's laying around a lot... is she sick?" or "Do you think she's going to be around in a few months still?" ...For christ sake, don't put all of that on my shoulders!! I may be vet-bound, but that dog is like my sister, and I'm not a vet, and all I want is to enjoy her company like a normal person, without everyone's concerns being thrust at me. Did it ever occur to anyone that I might have my own deep-rooted concerns and my own sadness regarding poor Lian? Did it ever occur to them that all those unnecessary questions just add to the snowball of worries and cares that I've had for the longest time? Of course I see the lump on her cheek. Of course I see her getting skinny. Of course I see her growing older every day. But why put all of that on me? I understand everyone's feelings about her in her old age, but they have to understand that the constant questioning and everything is wearing me down, and giving me more to deal with than I need.
I've worked with over a hundred old dogs already from a medical perspective, and everyone knows that death is inevitable. It comes to every living thing, and it may come early or late in life, or swiftly or slowly... but the thing nobody seems to understand is that life is inevitable too. Sure, I'm concerned as hell that Lian may not be around in a few years. Sure, every time I see her, I wish she was 2 years old again, and had good working legs and was active and bouncy. But that's not the case anymore, and the important thing is for us all to be happy and enjoy each other as a family. You can't treat her like she's walking in the shadow of death every day, because doing so will only make the last years of her life miserable and meaningless. All I want is for her to be happy, have plenty of food, love, and comfort, and for me to be able to treat her like I'd treat her every day in her youth. It's increasingly hard to do that, though, when everyone else in the house acts like she's on her death bed and it's my responsibility alone to do something about it.
Anyway, sorry to end on such a shitty note, but that's what's been going through my head today. Why can't anyone just let me live and love my dog? She's a good dog. She deserves better than that.
I'm getting more and more worried about my dog Lian, though. Every time I come home to visit with her, I notice how skinny she's become, and how she's having more and more difficulty walking. I know all the physiology behind it, and how her prednisolone and vetalog usage over the past thirteen years have skyrocketed her liver and pancreatic enzymes... also how her bowel is overactive and that she can't absorb nutrients from food as well as she used to, and how she can hardly walk because of muscle atrophy and joint problems stemming from her lifelong allergies. All of this I know, and all of this is understandable given her age. But what kills me inside is that she is treated like a cancer victim by my family, and how her old-age conditions constantly fall on my shoulders, being a pre-vet (soon to be vet) student. All I want for her is to get love and attention from the family, plenty of food, plenty of comfort, and to be able to live out her remaining years with those things in her life. It hurts me to think that she might not be around in a few years, and it's something I know deep down, but it's not something I want to have plaguing my relationship with her. I always try to look at her and treat her like I treated her back when she was only 2 or 3 years old... That's what she deserves, and that's what makes us happy. It's impossible to do it, though, with everyone's relentless questions, accusations, and unnecessary statements.
On the one hand, my brother has expressed his belief that my parents and I are cruel people for keeping her alive. Apparently he thinks she is living a miserable existence, and that we should have killed her years ago to end the pain. So I've got that on my conscience. Knowing what I know about canine health and behavior, though, I really disagree. Lian is happy to be alive. Every day, she has people's comings and goings to look forward to, the periodic treats, the petting, and she's always in a cheerful mood when she's not sleeping. How can you possibly look at that and make a decision to end her life? It's bullshit.
On the other hand, I constantly have my parents or other siblings asking me "Why is she so skinny?" or "What's that lump?" or "Why does her breath smell so bad?" or "She's laying around a lot... is she sick?" or "Do you think she's going to be around in a few months still?" ...For christ sake, don't put all of that on my shoulders!! I may be vet-bound, but that dog is like my sister, and I'm not a vet, and all I want is to enjoy her company like a normal person, without everyone's concerns being thrust at me. Did it ever occur to anyone that I might have my own deep-rooted concerns and my own sadness regarding poor Lian? Did it ever occur to them that all those unnecessary questions just add to the snowball of worries and cares that I've had for the longest time? Of course I see the lump on her cheek. Of course I see her getting skinny. Of course I see her growing older every day. But why put all of that on me? I understand everyone's feelings about her in her old age, but they have to understand that the constant questioning and everything is wearing me down, and giving me more to deal with than I need.
I've worked with over a hundred old dogs already from a medical perspective, and everyone knows that death is inevitable. It comes to every living thing, and it may come early or late in life, or swiftly or slowly... but the thing nobody seems to understand is that life is inevitable too. Sure, I'm concerned as hell that Lian may not be around in a few years. Sure, every time I see her, I wish she was 2 years old again, and had good working legs and was active and bouncy. But that's not the case anymore, and the important thing is for us all to be happy and enjoy each other as a family. You can't treat her like she's walking in the shadow of death every day, because doing so will only make the last years of her life miserable and meaningless. All I want is for her to be happy, have plenty of food, love, and comfort, and for me to be able to treat her like I'd treat her every day in her youth. It's increasingly hard to do that, though, when everyone else in the house acts like she's on her death bed and it's my responsibility alone to do something about it.
Anyway, sorry to end on such a shitty note, but that's what's been going through my head today. Why can't anyone just let me live and love my dog? She's a good dog. She deserves better than that.