July 31st

[zonobia]

 Dad would have been 56 today. I would have called him. We would have talked. He would have asked how Ashton's doing. Tell me to blow on his belly a little for him. Maybe tickle his feet. We would have talked about our jobs being teachers, how they are the same, how they're different. We would have talked about Ashton's first birthday coming out.

Comments

[goddessmikhail]

Hugs beautiful. Loosing people never gets easier-but the pain does slowly fade. After a few years my wounds are still fresh so I understand. Just know, you are not alone.

[zonobia]

Thank you Mikhail. Your support always makes me feel so much better. I'm okay most of the time, but obviously certain 'triggers' seem make me spiral down....birthdays....holidays are always there, but sometimes just seeing a commercial about a father and daughter/son, or Michael mentioning that he needs to call his dad, or even the birthday card section at the grocery store those seem to be even worse at times.

I know it's probably all *normal* in the realm of healing.

[goddessmikhail]

I am glad sweetie-if I can help anyone then it makes me feel better too.I know exactly what you mean-somedays are better than others and somedays I come close to just loosing it with the pain. I see the same stuff and feel either sad, bitter or angry. I get really made when people even remotely talk down about their parents. I feel like screaming "well at least you have parents to bitch about" but I find my calm again and go back to normal. At least for me, I have made it through the dying stuff-I mean being obsessed with death-thinking I was going to die or dreaming stuff...those times I think are my most difficult. This is why I say you are not alone-sometimes I feel very alone and I think loosing a parent increases our adulthood. I always felt like a big kid-till they were gone.

[zonobia]

I really can't imagine losing both of my parents, and I can't imagine what you've gone through compared to what I have. But it's an inspiration for me to see how strong you've remained through it all. I too have the urge to *speak out* when I hear someone (even my students!) talk about how mad or disapointed they are at their father.....just gotta step back, take a deep breath.

But, I can't say it enough....thank you.

[goddessmikhail]

I think it got me through it by lossing them both so fast-I was still in shock seriously. I still have not grieved really because everytime I would start, I would get hit with something else. Now I just keep waiting for the next thing to happen. You would be amazed at what you can get through when you need to. I would never have made it without Patrick though-he has seriously been my rock.