Here I am again

[zonaflip]

I'm waiting for my next final to start, I still have an entire hour and yet again I find myself wondering, "why can't I just do what needs to be done?" I don't get myself I don't understand why I have such a huge problem doing these little assignments and I don't understand why I'm so selfish. Yeah, out of no where, I know. Here's the thing, though one of the best people I ever had the honor of being friends with died recently I'm not too heavily affected, maybe I'm just in continual shock but either way it doesn't bother me as much as you'd think. At any rate the only thing I can do with this sad, sad story is try and use it to my advantage. Am I really that damn selfish? How is this even possible? What is my problem? I want so badly to have an excuse to not do something that I'll use my dead friend as an alibi? I'm beginning to really dislike me.

Another thing...people are always talking about having to do things that we just don't want to do...well why the hell should we have to do things we don't want to do? I don't understand...there are so many things you can do in this world, why should there be so many damn things we are obligated to do when we don't want to do them? I understand there are certain situations where that's unavoidable but I'm talking about things that are work related, career related...school related. Currently I'm an entire year ahead in school, in college. How that happened? I have no idea cuz I am one of the laziest people I know, and it's not just like "haha oh I'm lazy but I still get good grades" it's not like that at all, I'm legitimately lazy...as contradictory to my former position on myself is, I am a lazy, selfish asshole. I honestly just don't know what to do with myself...someone shed some light on me so I can finally understand how terrible I really am.

Sincerely,

A Lazy, selfish asshole.