Okay, finally wrestled this beast to the ground.
I weaned the i5 OFF the television and onto a monitor. I had to buy another Goodwill special with a DIV(DVI?) input, and buy the right cable for it. BUT...it works, 98% anyway. The monitor has one annoying bright line along the bottom half, but hey, I also managed to find a use for the 2gig card, so that's an added bonus.