day sixty-one: this is supposed to be the best day of the goddamned year, GOD GOD DAMMIT DAMMIT.
31 of 31 Horrors: Halloween (1978) - Fifteen years ago, little Michael Myers inexplicably murdered his teenaged sister Judith on Halloween. When he escapes on the eve of another Halloween, his doctor knows Michael has gone home - as babysitter Laurie Strode and her friends discover all too late.
A slasher film that set the bar and remains above almost all others, with a minimum of gore and a maximum of suspense. Carpenter does a magnificent job of ratcheting up the tension, using Michael’s first person POV to unsettle and his minimalist score to grand and eerie effect. Halloween laid out a lot of the “rules” for the horror genre: sex = death, the trope of the virtuous Final Girl, babysitters in peril, the hulking and silent behemoth who kills without explanation or reason, and the doubting, skeptical police force. There’s a lot of stellar direction/cinematography in this, the debut of infamous Final Girl Jamie Lee Curtis, and it’s always fun to look back at movies that really got the ball rolling in a genre.
30 of 31 Horrors: The Conjuring (2013) - The Perron family discover that their farmhouse isn’t wholly theirs when a dark entity begins to prey on the children. Infamous paranormal researchers Ed and Lorraine Warren agree to help them fight the evil presence, placing their own family in peril in the process.
I’ve heard plenty about the Warrens over the years, and choose to withhold judgement on whether they are or aren’t the real deal. I’m always leery of films that carry the “BASED ON A TRUE STORY” subheading, which smacks of exploitation designed to sell more tickets and sucker in the uninformed. This was hardly as mind-blowingly awesome and scary as some people (and Rotten Tomatoes) would have you believe - and it’s worth pointing out that RT is owned by Warner Brothers now, which makes the website’s ratings on WB films suspect. An okay film, all in all, despite featuring Patrick Wilson’s Douchebag Face(TM) and being more than a little over the top in moments that would have been scarier if done with more subtlety.
29 of 31 Horrors: Zombieland (2009) - Nerdy Columbus has survived the zombie apocalypse by adhering to a strict set of rules such as Rule #1: Cardio, Rule #2: Double Tap, and Rule #3: Beware of Bathrooms. But when he falls in with the hardcore badass Tallahassee and consummate con artist sisters Wichita and Little Rock, he discovers that surviving isn’t worth the effort unless you have family by your side - and that some rules are meant to be broken.
Is this the most perfect zombie movie out there? QUITE POSSIBLY. I’m not even exaggerating. It plays into and perfectly spoofs the standard tropes of the genre; is super self-aware and hysterically funny; has awesome action pieces and some genuine moments of fright; great characters that were perfectly cast; one of the best found families out there; fantastic music and bloodily awesome special effects; and it’s eminently quotable with great re-watch value. Like I said: EVERYTHING YOU COULD WANT IN A ZOMBIE FLICK. Also, never have I been so attracted to and in love with Woody Harrelson. Tallahassee could ABSOLUTELY get it.
28 of 31 Horrors: Warm Bodies (2013) - R is in the middle of a no-life crisis, which makes sense: he’s a zombie. But lurching about and groaning for brains isn’t enough for our hero, who strives to be so much more. When he rescues Julie, things begin to change - for the whole undead world. But it’ll take quite the fight to make things better, with the frightened humans on one side, the vicious Boneys on the other, and the zombies in the middle.
If you call this “Twilight with zombies”, I promise to A} punch you in the teeth and B} never speak to you again. This is SO MUCH MORE, and SO MUCH BETTER. Isaac Marion’s novel is a poignant, beautiful, and emotional philosophic story of redemption and love, and the movie does a great job of staying true to the spirit of the source material. Nicholas Hoult is perfect as R, Teresa Palmer is great as Julie, and it’s sweet and touching and joyous even despite the death and gore. Also: one of the best soundtracks out there - if they ever adapt any of my books into movies, I want whoever chose the music for this to do my OSTs. My one problem with this film: the whitewashing of Nora. WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT?!?!
27 of 31 Horrors: Constantine (2004) - John Constantine is an exorcist who knows very well that the stories of creatures that go bump in the night are more than fairy tales. A self-serving asshole, his entire fight on behalf of good is motivated by his need to buy his way into heaven: since he attempted suicide as a teenager, he knows he’s doomed to hell once his cancer catches up to him. When a detective comes to him following her sister’s death, he discovers that the Balance between the forces of heaven and hell is in jeopardy.
I’ve said it a million times before and I’ll say it again: a totally shite adapt but a fantastic movie in its own right. Severed entirely from its Hellblazer “source” material, this is a gorgeously atmospheric twist on noir, Biblical mythology, and creature features. Keanu Reeves is absolutely NOT John Constantine, but I’m still inordinately fond of him in this as the cynical bastard P.I. Love the world-building and aesthetic details, love Peter Stormare’s sleazy take on Satan, ADORE Tilda Swinton as the angel Gabriel. I refuse to apologize for my love of this film.
26 of 31 Horrors: A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) - Nancy and her friends are having terrible nightmares of a man with razor fingers. When they start dying, Nancy uncovers the truth about Freddy Krueger and decides to face down the boogeyman before he can kill again.
Nancy’s a great heroine, a girl who refuses to play the victim and fights back against the odds. In his first acting gig, Johnny Depp’s pretty dreamy as the well-meaning boyfriend. As is typically the case, the parents and police are completely fucking useless - it’s always so frustrating when the kids are ignored and end up dying as a result. NoES plays on one of our most vulnerable moments: when we’re asleep and utterly helpless; it’s no wonder the franchise has endured for almost thirty years. But perhaps the best thing about Nightmare on Elm Street is how well done the nightmare sequences are: they ring true because dreams are so often inexplicable and bizarre. Random sheep in the hallways, body horror, things that seem normal and everyday only to warp horrifically. Potent stuff.
25 of 31 Horrors: I Married A Witch (1942) - During the Salem trials, Jennifer the witch laid a curse on the Wooley men: they will be forever doomed to unhappy marriages. But almost 300 years after being burned at the stake, she regains a physical form and decides to personally torment the latest in the Wooley line - only to inadvertently fall in love with him herself. When her warlock father Daniel starts to meddle, this lovestruck witch may not have her happily ever after.
Ye gods, this is such a fucking cute movie. Witty banter, Veronica Lake’s adorably fey face, and plenty of screwball antics that made the rom-com genre so fun in the golden age of cinema. They simply don’t make ‘em like this any more. I could literally watch Lake giggle and smile for hours on end and be charmed every second of it. Highly recommended.
24 of 31 Horrors: Hocus Pocus (1993) - The evil Sanderson Sisters were hanged for witchcraft 300 years ago, but not before they leveled a curse foretelling their resurrection. When Max makes the mistake of lighting the black flame candle and fulfilling the curse, he’ll have to listen to Thackery Binx - a young man transformed into a cat by the sisters and hexed with eternal life and guilt - in order to stop the witches and save the town by sunrise.
Time for a terrible confession: I’ve never seen this hallowed classic. I KNOW, I KNOW. But now I’ve rectified this grave oversight, and can join the throngs of die-hard fans. This is easily Sarah Jessica Parker’s best performance ever, my best beloved Doug Jones is fab as Billy Butcherson, and the witches are adorable even as they infuriate. What a great everything.
23 of 31 Horrors: Gremlins (1984) - Billy’s dad brings home a most unusual pet for Christmas: a Mogwai named Gizmo. There are only three hard rules he has to follow. One, the Mogwai can’t stand bright light; sunlight will kill him. Two, never ever get him wet. And three, don’t EVER feed him after midnight. Of course, rules have a tendency of being broken, and soon there are hordes of malicious gremlins destroying the town.
Of course I saw this as a child. Of course I had a stuffed Gizmo I loved dearly. But in rewatching this childhood classic, I found that HOLY SHIT, THIS WAS SO NOT A KID’S MOVIE. Sure, there’s goofy cartoony humor complete with tweeting birdy sound effects, but then it’s mixed with ULTRA VIOLENCE and some decidedly dark storytelling. HER DAD WAS DEAD AND STUCK INSIDE THE CHIMNEY?!? Gizmo remains the cutest fucking thing ever (“Bright light! Bright light!”) and Billy’s mom is such a damn badass - that lady can join me and Daryl Dixon and Tallahassee on our zompocalype team. What a delightfully bizarre puppet-packed outing.
22 of 31 Horrors: Army of Darkness (1992) - Ash was just your average S-Mart employee - until evil Deadites killed his girlfriend, possessed his hand, and were instrumental in sending him back to the Middle Ages. Trapped in the past, Ash has to rally his medieval troops, face his evil Deadite doppelganger, and save the girl. But can he possibly win against such odds - especially when he can’t remember the sacred words “Klaatu Barada Nikto”?
AoD was one of those films that defined my childhood. To this day, I still have most of it memorized. Walking, talking, cursing skeletons were the height of humor in 10-year-old Angie B’s eyes. Bruce remains a stone cold stud in this, despite his asshole-ish crudeness, and there are few speeches in cinema better than his “THIS IS MY BOOMSTICK!” rant, IMO. While the most overtly silly and comical of the Evil Dead series, Raimi was in fine form with this, and there are plenty of moments that make me laugh out loud even after all these years and rewatches. That’s the sign of a movie well done.
21 of 31 Horrors: The Mothman Prophecies (2002) - John Klein is a reporter from the Washington Post who has it all: a good career, a wife he’s deeply in love with, and a future full of promise. Then tragedy strikes in an instant; flash forward two years later and he’s still reeling from his loss, only to find himself even further unbalanced by mysterious and seriously frightening happenings in a small town in West Virginia. Just how is he connected to this strange Mothman, and what will happen to the people of Point Pleasant?
I’ve already screamed at length about how flawless this film is in my eyes. Supremely unsettling in tone, with stunning visuals and great performances showcasing people who become frayed and utterly unhinged by the climactic catastrophe. Probably the only Richard Gere films I love without reservation, and just all around creeptastic and thought-provoking. One of the biggest influences on me as a writer, particularly in my novel Weird, USA.
20 of 31 Horrors: Practical Magic (1998) - Sisters Sally and Gillian Owens find themselves in a sticky situation when they’re forced to kill Gilly’s abusive boyfriend Jimmy in self-defense. Luckily, the pair happen to be witches, and turn to their practical magic to fix the problem. But with the ghostly Jimmy haunting them, and a handsome detective digging into their secrets - and striking sparks with Sally - can practical magic be enough to save the day?
If I had to pick just one movie to live inside for the rest of my days, it would be this film. The absolute best witchy aesthetics, a focus on wonderful sister relationships that even overshadows the romantic subplot, an estrogen-heavy cast of powerful ladies who refuse to back down from a fight, and an ending that reaffirms the power of love over old curses and personal demons. The movie that made me want to be a witch and have a sister more than anything, everything about this picture is gorgeous and warm and perfect.
19 of 31 Horrors: Stir of Echoes (1999) - Tom’s a blue collar guy in Chicago, trying to be a father and husband while struggling with the disappointment of living a life far more ordinary than he’d ever wanted. But after being hypnotized as a joke at a party, Tom finds he’s not as ordinary as he thought - and his close-knit neighborhood may not be as idyllic as it seems.
One of the only blue collar ghost films out there, and all the greater for its relatable characters and unique spin. Released mere weeks within The Sixth Sense, this is the superior film in my opinion, and is far too often overlooked. A great atmosphere, stellar performances from Kevin Bacon and Kathryn Erbe, and one helluva ending. A forever recommendation.
The Pretty Reckless concert Saturday night was great, but I was totally wiped afterwards. Was pretty much unconscious the whole ride home.
Then Monday and Tuesday nights I had to do overnights -- 10 PM to 6:30 AM. And since I can't sleep once there's daylight in my room, and I don't have blackout curtains, I got maybe five hours total of sleep between Monday morning and yesterday night. Felt like utter shit, came home in terrible pain each morning, and I called in today because I'd hardly recovered.
Have spent the entire day on the couch. On Tumblr. Overdosing so I don't have the temptation to log on tomorrow when I should be writing. Also finally watched Despicable Me 2 and it was SO FUCKING CUTE. GOD SO CUTE. The minions! Gru being dad of the year! The girls! Gru and Lucy! AHHHHHHHH SO CUTE.
NaNo starts tomorrow and me being the wise person I am, I've decided to tackle TWO projects. Because I'm a totally indecisive masochist like that, and I just can't set aside Sorry, We're Dead for a whole month when I'm so invested in it. I'm going to try to alternate between Sorry and Weird, World, but we'll see if that actually happens. Apologies ahead of time for any histrionics you may have to witness here or on Tumblr.
And while we're talking Sorry, We're Dead, I've got more to add to the cast:
SORRY, WE’RE DEAD: a supernatural noir
Featuring:
• Sean Maguire, a bartender (Ty Olsson). By day he’s a bare-knuckle boxer, by night the barkeep at Mac’s. A good man to have in your corner.
• San Pascualito, a death god (Clifton Collins Jr.). Leader of the gang known as the Bone Daddies, he’s more than your average thug. And let’s just say he doesn’t need any makeup to look skeletal…
• Jack Malone, a jazz musician (J. August Richards). The saxophonist in the band at Dante’s and Helene’s latest paramour. A hot-blooded and violent man who is obsessively in love with Helene.
• Maggie Belladonna, a witch (Ksenia Solo). Need your palm read? Want to communicate with the other side? Looking for a true love potion? Mags is your girl. But if you hate cats, you can go elsewhere.
So in conclusion: this week has been hellish and I've still got two days of work left before I can properly collapse again AND NaNo starts tomorrow and I'm just so exhausted at a bone deep level it's not even funny and THE HOLIDAY RUSH IS ONLY GONNA KICK IN NEXT WEEK UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK RETAIL AND FUCK MY LIFE SO HARD.
Although, at least I ate three meals today. So that's a step up from my usual self-neglect. Whargh.