HANDSOME BULLDOG.
A detailed and accurate account of my thought process whilst watching The Bourne Legacy:
JEMMY LEE JEMMY LEE, not Jemmy Lee, RACHEL WEISZ IS SO GORGEOUS, JEMMY LEE JEMMY LEE, WOOOOLVES, JEMMY LEE ARMS GUH, Edward Norton running in the rain, not Jemmy Lee, OSCAR ISAACS WHO DID YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH I WANT YOUR WHOLE BACKSTORY YOU HANDSOME BASTARD I'M SORRY YOU BLEW UP, JEMMY LEE JEMMY LEE, oh my God poor Rachel Weisz, not Jemmy Lee, JEMMY LEE TACKLING A FUCKING WOLF, not Jemmy Lee, not Jemmy Lee, OH MY GOD RACHEL WEISZ NO THIS IS THE WORST, FUCK YES JEMMY LEE OH GOD YES KICK ALL THAT ASS YES GO MACGYVER KILL THOSE BASTARDS, AHHH BACKSTORY AHHHHH, JEMMY LEE AND RACHEL AND SHE LOOKS SO GOOD IN GLASSES, and ugh Edward Norton is the categorically worst in this and ughhhh, JEMMY LEE ARMS GUH AND AHHHHHHHHH KICK THEIR ASSES, and oh no baby poor baby, ALMOST NAKED NURSING/TENDER TOUCHING SCENE, why the fuck did you leave to get medicine have you never seen a spy movie ever, JEMMY LEE JEMMY LEE JEMMY LEE PARKOUUUUUUUR, Sparky Sparky Spyrobotman 2000 is following you, and awww he wanted her to be safe and gave her a helmet, and JESUS CHRIST THAT DRIVING and YES GIRL YOU GO GIRL KICK THAT ASSHOLE AND MAKE HIM CRASH INTO THAT PILLAR, and haaaaaaaaaaaaands haaaaaaaaaaaands haaaaaaaaaaand-holding, and yay the captain is gonna help them and they liiiiike each other, and CUE MOBY AW FUCK YISSSSS.
In case it wasn't clear (and lbr, it totally wasn't), I loved it. Not nearly on par with the first two Bourne outings, but still awesome and thrilling and JEMMY LEE THE HANDSOME BULLDOG HAS A FUCKING FACE AND A BOD AND I CANNOT FUCKING DEAL WITH ANY OF THAT RIGHT NOW. I so want another film wherein Aaron and Bourne team up and get shit done. IMAGINE THAT TEAM UP, I MEAN REALLY.
JEMMY LEE JEMMY LEE, not Jemmy Lee, RACHEL WEISZ IS SO GORGEOUS, JEMMY LEE JEMMY LEE, WOOOOLVES, JEMMY LEE ARMS GUH, Edward Norton running in the rain, not Jemmy Lee, OSCAR ISAACS WHO DID YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH I WANT YOUR WHOLE BACKSTORY YOU HANDSOME BASTARD I'M SORRY YOU BLEW UP, JEMMY LEE JEMMY LEE, oh my God poor Rachel Weisz, not Jemmy Lee, JEMMY LEE TACKLING A FUCKING WOLF, not Jemmy Lee, not Jemmy Lee, OH MY GOD RACHEL WEISZ NO THIS IS THE WORST, FUCK YES JEMMY LEE OH GOD YES KICK ALL THAT ASS YES GO MACGYVER KILL THOSE BASTARDS, AHHH BACKSTORY AHHHHH, JEMMY LEE AND RACHEL AND SHE LOOKS SO GOOD IN GLASSES, and ugh Edward Norton is the categorically worst in this and ughhhh, JEMMY LEE ARMS GUH AND AHHHHHHHHH KICK THEIR ASSES, and oh no baby poor baby, ALMOST NAKED NURSING/TENDER TOUCHING SCENE, why the fuck did you leave to get medicine have you never seen a spy movie ever, JEMMY LEE JEMMY LEE JEMMY LEE PARKOUUUUUUUR, Sparky Sparky Spyrobotman 2000 is following you, and awww he wanted her to be safe and gave her a helmet, and JESUS CHRIST THAT DRIVING and YES GIRL YOU GO GIRL KICK THAT ASSHOLE AND MAKE HIM CRASH INTO THAT PILLAR, and haaaaaaaaaaaaands haaaaaaaaaaaands haaaaaaaaaaand-holding, and yay the captain is gonna help them and they liiiiike each other, and CUE MOBY AW FUCK YISSSSS.
In case it wasn't clear (and lbr, it totally wasn't), I loved it. Not nearly on par with the first two Bourne outings, but still awesome and thrilling and JEMMY LEE THE HANDSOME BULLDOG HAS A FUCKING FACE AND A BOD AND I CANNOT FUCKING DEAL WITH ANY OF THAT RIGHT NOW. I so want another film wherein Aaron and Bourne team up and get shit done. IMAGINE THAT TEAM UP, I MEAN REALLY.