true love follows this ring.
My entire feelings/thoughts on tonight's Once Upon a Time can be summed up thusly:
But
Literally gape-mouthed in shock when Prince Charming was skewered through the middle by Dredger from Sherlock Holmes (MAILLET, I LOVE YOUR WORK) and killed.
Then in pops Rumples, as Ashlee and I predicted, and drops the bombshell: DEAD PRINCE TOTES HAS A TWIN BROTHER. NATCH. (And dude, Rumples has always been booming in the baby bartering business, ain't he?)
So off he goes to fetch twin brother who has THE MOST ADORABLY RIDICULOUS WIG ON and is CHASING A BABY LAMB ABOUT WHILST LAUGHING.
Pardon me while I just throw myself off this cliff Bella Swan-style. JESUS FRUITCAKE CHRIST.
Cue the teary confession from the adorable earth mother. James going off to replace Dead Bro. Proving to be super brave and desperate to help his knights and then WHACKING OFF THE DRAGON'S HEAD LIKE A PRO. Thaaaat's my boy.
Meanwhile, in Storybrooke Boringville, "David" is all totally in love with Mary Margaret and jumping over fences in a super sexy fashion and leaving his wife to be with Mary Margaret WHILST WEARING UNBUTTONED PLAID AND LEANING SEXILY AGAINST DOORFRAMES. Ugh, show/writers, you've got to stop with these shenanigans.
(Sidenote: Regina is still the most interesting single character to me right now because sometimes she shows flashes of actual goodness and sympathy -- like when Kathryn told her she had a friend now whether she liked it or not, and she actually seemed protective of Kathryn's happiness later when she confronted Mary Margaret. I mean, I know that she's still the Evil Queen and her happiness is watching Mary Margaret and "David" suffer, buuut, I can't help but feel that particular moment was also influenced by a desire to look out for her new friend.)
And then OF COURSE Regina and Mr. Gold have to fucking ruin everything by HYPNOTIZING "DAVID" OR SOME SHIT and now he feels obligated to make things work with Kathryn and OMFG MARY MARGARET YOUR FACE NO NO NOOOOO. And THE CATCH IN "DAVID"'S VOICE OH YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE.
And Dr. Whale needs to GTFO because Mary Margaret is far too vulnerable right now and as much as I love David Anders I AM SORRY, he was proved to be a big old lech when he was oogling Ruby's backside during his date with Mary Margaret and I cannot forgive that. Also he's obviously in cahoots with Regina SOOOO.
HOW ABOUT EMMA FINDING OUT THAT GRAHAM AND REGINA WERE TOTES DOING THE DEED IN THE HOUSE WHILE HENRY WAS ASLEEP? And Graham's sex hair? Can I just say? YES. Bwahaha. To take a page out of Isabel's book: THREESOMES. THREESOMES WOULD SOLVE EVERYTHING.
But then omfg cut back to James and his mother having a tearful goodbye and UGH UGH UGH SO SAD AND A CATCH IN HIS VOICE OH I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW. And his mother's riiiiing. "True love follows this ring." YES IT DOES AND MARY MARGARET HAS IT SO WAKE UP DUDE UGHHHH.
Isabel had a great theory: what if "David" is feeling an obligation to be with Kathryn BECAUSE in the fairy tale world his dead twin was supposed to truly be with her? He feels there's a connection and something there, only because he feels the echo of their tragic could-have-been romance? I LIKE THIS THEORY, AND I AM STICKING TO IT.
Re: next week's promo: OH I HAVE SUCH HIGH HOPES IT'S RIDIC. UGHHH. I just want to get more details on the fairy tale world, okay? Because we've seen the very beginning of James' story, and how he and Snow first met/started to fall in love, and him waking her, and their wedding and the pregnancy. But we haven't seen how SNOW'S story started, and what she did to ruin the Queen's happiness (which she obviously feels somewhat guilty over, given her tone of voice when she told James she did so) and how she ended up in the forest. I WANT MORE DETAILS, PEOPLE. And more Huntsman/Graham is a good thing, though every time I see Jamie Dornan's face all I can think is YOUR PENIS. I HAVE SEEN YOUR PENIS. X^D
Ashlee was wondering why HE should have a flash of the fairy tale world and be the first to start to realize there's dual lives/worlds going on here, and I have a theory: He's tied to Snow White, because he -- the most loyal of the Queen's men -- dared to disobey her orders and let Snow White live. He's a paradox, in that's he's both most trusted/loyal and yet also disobeyed her at a vital moment. In a large way, he's responsible for everything's that's happened from Snow/James meeting to the curse and everything. Because of his connection to Snow White, kissing her daughter somehow gives him a flash of their past together? Since Emma is both unconnected to the curse AND still tied to those affected to it? So she's a strange sort of paradox/conduit herself.
I D E K, the show obviously won't be that in depth or interesting/complicated, but until next week that's my head canon. Also, I've been hearing that someone will die for several weeks now, but I'm trying to stay largely unspoiled. I want it to be SOMETHING of a surprise -- just hope it's not an unpleasant one.
AND THEN ASHLEE AND I WATCHED THE FIRST HALF OF NEVERLAND AND JESUS FRUITCAKE CHRIST, THAT WAS A FEEEEELINGS EXPLOSION AS WELL. It's a miracle I didn't just self-combust while screaming and flailing tonight, I swear. My television habits are threatening to kill me with the angst and the tragedy and the romance and the sure-win tropes.
Okay, so first off we have Anna Friel as a gorgeous, slightly mad, and totally fierce pirate named Elizabeth Bonny. SHE HAS FANTASTIC HAIR AND AMAZING CLOTHES AND SWEET TATTOOS AND DOESN'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ANY OF THE MEN SHE RULES WITH AN IRON FIST. Ugh, QUEEN.
Then Peter and his Lost Boys are all ragamuffin pickpockets in Victorian London. OH YES PLEASE. The fabulous Cockney accents! The clever tricks and shenanigans! EVERYTHING I LIKE.
And Hook is known as Jimmy to his friends and is the devilishly smoldering Rhys Ifans with unkempt hair and a fob watch and a way with swords and is a father to Peter and the Lost Boys and PETER JUST WANTS TO BE HIS PARTNER, AND HE JUST WANTS TO LOOK OUT FOR HIS BOYS, AND OMFGGGGGGGG FEEELS.
So then they get zapped into Neverland through a teleporation device disguised as a glowing orb of awesome. And the crocodiles have like 10 legs and the Injuns are PEOPLE OF THE RAVEN (OH MY FUCKING GOD I LOVE THIS TOO MUCH) and Q'orianka Kilcher is playing Tigerlily (aka Aaya) and I just love everything about this world with its prettiness and silver "tree spirits", aka fairies.
AND HOOK IS SWORD-FIGHTING PIRATES BECAUSE "HIS BOYS STAY WITH HIM", and Bob Hoskins is yet again an adorable Smee and then Hook and Bonny start eye-sexing all over the place and I ship it like an armada and then there's ACTUAL SEXING OMFG DREAMS DO COME TRUE.
Peter and adorable little Fox (WHO JUST WANTED TO BE AN ACCOUNTANT WHEN HE GREW UP, OMFG) sneak to the ship to rescue the rest of the Boys and Peter's determined to get Jimmy, too, and INTERRUPTS THE SEX (HOW DARE U, PETER). Which results in a super unkempt and ridiculously sexy Hook in a half-undone Oriental robe trying to talk him down before hugging him like a dad and calling him his boy and ugh ugh ugh.
AND THEN FOX HAS TO GET SKEWERED OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOES.
So Peter and Tigerlily (who are totes making eyes at each other, I caught all of that eye-sexing, you two crazy kids) go off into the woods in search of a mountaintop and a hooded guy from Peter's dream (sounds legit, yo) and they meet Tinkerbell (voiced by Keria Knightley, whuuut?) and then find a SUPER CRAZY AWESOME city made of woven trees (I WANT TO GO TO THERE) and the hooded dude who turns out to be a 400-year-old alchemist AND the guy who originally hired Jimmy to get the orb back in London. And there's a SUPER RIDICULOUSLY AWESOME "scientific" explanation as to what Neverland is and why people never age there -- I WAS IN PAROXYSMS OF DELIGHT -- and then OF COURSE the pirates led by Mad Bonny have to show up and ruin everything and set fire to the trees and kill the poor alchemist dude.
AND THEN PETER AND HOOK SWORD-FIGHT, PETER WITH HIS SIGNATURE DAGGER, OMFG MY HEEEEART. AND THEN HOOK IS ALL, "I MADE A PROMISE TO YOUR MOTHER." AND IT'S HER PICTURE IN HIS FOB WATCH AND HE IS ACTUALLY PETER'S DAD, HOLY SHIT I LOVE THIS TWIST.
But of course Bonny has to show up and spoil the moment and grabs the second orb and then Peter tries to escape and gets captured so Aaya shows up and promises to share the secrets of the tree spirits with Bonny if only she'll set Peter free -- and Peter being the well-intentioned DUNCE he is tries to run again and BONNY FUCKING STABS HIM AND HE FALLS OUT OF THE TREE AND OMFG AAYA'S FACE AND SHE'S SOBBING AND NO YOU TWO KIDS I TOTES SHIP YOU SO HARD.
But of course Tinkerbell's there, and she has some of the astral energy in her from the orbs and she's going to heal Peter and resurrect him and THAT'S why he's not wholly human and can fly without extra dust -- because Tinkerbell's a special fairy and her healing will make him something more than human and the next half is going to be IIIIIINSANE.
So yeah. Found families trope: Peter and his Lost Boys and Jimmy. Long-lost parents trope: Peter and Jimmy. Dangerous liaisons trope: Hook and Bonny. JUST ALL THE PIRATEY SEX, REALLY. Strong female characters that don't give a fuck. Peter is both a charming rapscallion with his pickpocket ways and a leader in that he wants to take care of the other boys and look after them and yet also wants to JUST BE PARTNERS WITH JIMMY, UGHHH. Science as magic and magic as science: CHECK. Time-traveling and history smashing together: CHECKITY CHECK CHECK. Brooomances. UGH THIS MINISERIES IS JUST DELIGHTFUL SO FAR.
OMFG OMFG OMFG HYPERVENTILATING. At one point Ashlee and I were literally clinging to each other and bouncing and screaming on my couch. THIS MINISERIES. EVERYTHING ABOUT IT IS AMAZING. NICK WILLIG, YOU FABULOUS MAN, YOU. THIS IS EVEN BETTER THAN ALICE IN MOST WAYS (EXCEPTING THE ALICE/HATTER, BUT OF COURSE) OMFG I LOVE YOUR REIMAGININGS.
And I ship Bonny/Hook and Peter/Aaya because I am a sucker and cannot help it and oooooh the fic I could write for all of this UGH.
Worst thing: I'm going to miss part 2 because I work until 10 tomorrow, noooo. So I'll have to catch it in a repeat later this week. FAR TOO SAD ABOUT THIS, TBH.
So yes. TV gave me every feeling under the sun tonight and I'm far too worked up to sleep or even think/react very coherently beyond CAPSLOCKING and OMFG FEEEELINGS-spewing. I suppose it's a good thing that I don't have to work until 2 tomorrow and can sleep in, vent some more so I'm not a giant bundle of fangirl nerves tomorrow. WAT.
And lest I forget, Kaleigh and I ALSO finally watched How to Train Your Dragon: Gift of the Night Fury today, and hooooly shit. Almost too much adorability to handle. BABY GRONKLES ARE THE PUGS OF THE DRAGON WORLD. I'm officially renaming Jesusmas Snoggletog. I loved how Astrid was so determined to keep people cheerful for the holiday. AND TOOTHLESS DOESN'T WANT TO FLY IF IT'S NOT WITH HICCUP, OH MY H E A R T.
But for real people: if you haven't watched How to Train Your Dragon yet, you are doing yourself a disservice. It's a guaranteed happy-inducing film and WILL improve your quality of life exponentially. One of the best, most brilliant, most touching films I've seen in my life, and that's no exaggeration. I think it may very well be in my Top 20 Films of All Time list. The cast, the characters, the writing, the music, the animation, the story, THE EVERYTHING is as close to flawless as you can get.
Damn, I'm going to have to re-watch the full movie tomorrow morning.
BUT YEAH. PEOPLE WHO WATCHED OUAT AND NEVERLAND, COME AT ME AND SHARE YOUR FEELINGS WITH ME I NEED PEOPLE TO SCREAM AT/WITH. UGHHH.
But
Literally gape-mouthed in shock when Prince Charming was skewered through the middle by Dredger from Sherlock Holmes (MAILLET, I LOVE YOUR WORK) and killed.
Then in pops Rumples, as Ashlee and I predicted, and drops the bombshell: DEAD PRINCE TOTES HAS A TWIN BROTHER. NATCH. (And dude, Rumples has always been booming in the baby bartering business, ain't he?)
So off he goes to fetch twin brother who has THE MOST ADORABLY RIDICULOUS WIG ON and is CHASING A BABY LAMB ABOUT WHILST LAUGHING.
Pardon me while I just throw myself off this cliff Bella Swan-style. JESUS FRUITCAKE CHRIST.
Cue the teary confession from the adorable earth mother. James going off to replace Dead Bro. Proving to be super brave and desperate to help his knights and then WHACKING OFF THE DRAGON'S HEAD LIKE A PRO. Thaaaat's my boy.
Meanwhile, in Storybrooke Boringville, "David" is all totally in love with Mary Margaret and jumping over fences in a super sexy fashion and leaving his wife to be with Mary Margaret WHILST WEARING UNBUTTONED PLAID AND LEANING SEXILY AGAINST DOORFRAMES. Ugh, show/writers, you've got to stop with these shenanigans.
(Sidenote: Regina is still the most interesting single character to me right now because sometimes she shows flashes of actual goodness and sympathy -- like when Kathryn told her she had a friend now whether she liked it or not, and she actually seemed protective of Kathryn's happiness later when she confronted Mary Margaret. I mean, I know that she's still the Evil Queen and her happiness is watching Mary Margaret and "David" suffer, buuut, I can't help but feel that particular moment was also influenced by a desire to look out for her new friend.)
And then OF COURSE Regina and Mr. Gold have to fucking ruin everything by HYPNOTIZING "DAVID" OR SOME SHIT and now he feels obligated to make things work with Kathryn and OMFG MARY MARGARET YOUR FACE NO NO NOOOOO. And THE CATCH IN "DAVID"'S VOICE OH YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE.
And Dr. Whale needs to GTFO because Mary Margaret is far too vulnerable right now and as much as I love David Anders I AM SORRY, he was proved to be a big old lech when he was oogling Ruby's backside during his date with Mary Margaret and I cannot forgive that. Also he's obviously in cahoots with Regina SOOOO.
HOW ABOUT EMMA FINDING OUT THAT GRAHAM AND REGINA WERE TOTES DOING THE DEED IN THE HOUSE WHILE HENRY WAS ASLEEP? And Graham's sex hair? Can I just say? YES. Bwahaha. To take a page out of Isabel's book: THREESOMES. THREESOMES WOULD SOLVE EVERYTHING.
But then omfg cut back to James and his mother having a tearful goodbye and UGH UGH UGH SO SAD AND A CATCH IN HIS VOICE OH I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW. And his mother's riiiiing. "True love follows this ring." YES IT DOES AND MARY MARGARET HAS IT SO WAKE UP DUDE UGHHHH.
Isabel had a great theory: what if "David" is feeling an obligation to be with Kathryn BECAUSE in the fairy tale world his dead twin was supposed to truly be with her? He feels there's a connection and something there, only because he feels the echo of their tragic could-have-been romance? I LIKE THIS THEORY, AND I AM STICKING TO IT.
Re: next week's promo: OH I HAVE SUCH HIGH HOPES IT'S RIDIC. UGHHH. I just want to get more details on the fairy tale world, okay? Because we've seen the very beginning of James' story, and how he and Snow first met/started to fall in love, and him waking her, and their wedding and the pregnancy. But we haven't seen how SNOW'S story started, and what she did to ruin the Queen's happiness (which she obviously feels somewhat guilty over, given her tone of voice when she told James she did so) and how she ended up in the forest. I WANT MORE DETAILS, PEOPLE. And more Huntsman/Graham is a good thing, though every time I see Jamie Dornan's face all I can think is YOUR PENIS. I HAVE SEEN YOUR PENIS. X^D
Ashlee was wondering why HE should have a flash of the fairy tale world and be the first to start to realize there's dual lives/worlds going on here, and I have a theory: He's tied to Snow White, because he -- the most loyal of the Queen's men -- dared to disobey her orders and let Snow White live. He's a paradox, in that's he's both most trusted/loyal and yet also disobeyed her at a vital moment. In a large way, he's responsible for everything's that's happened from Snow/James meeting to the curse and everything. Because of his connection to Snow White, kissing her daughter somehow gives him a flash of their past together? Since Emma is both unconnected to the curse AND still tied to those affected to it? So she's a strange sort of paradox/conduit herself.
I D E K, the show obviously won't be that in depth or interesting/complicated, but until next week that's my head canon. Also, I've been hearing that someone will die for several weeks now, but I'm trying to stay largely unspoiled. I want it to be SOMETHING of a surprise -- just hope it's not an unpleasant one.
AND THEN ASHLEE AND I WATCHED THE FIRST HALF OF NEVERLAND AND JESUS FRUITCAKE CHRIST, THAT WAS A FEEEEELINGS EXPLOSION AS WELL. It's a miracle I didn't just self-combust while screaming and flailing tonight, I swear. My television habits are threatening to kill me with the angst and the tragedy and the romance and the sure-win tropes.
Okay, so first off we have Anna Friel as a gorgeous, slightly mad, and totally fierce pirate named Elizabeth Bonny. SHE HAS FANTASTIC HAIR AND AMAZING CLOTHES AND SWEET TATTOOS AND DOESN'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ANY OF THE MEN SHE RULES WITH AN IRON FIST. Ugh, QUEEN.
Then Peter and his Lost Boys are all ragamuffin pickpockets in Victorian London. OH YES PLEASE. The fabulous Cockney accents! The clever tricks and shenanigans! EVERYTHING I LIKE.
And Hook is known as Jimmy to his friends and is the devilishly smoldering Rhys Ifans with unkempt hair and a fob watch and a way with swords and is a father to Peter and the Lost Boys and PETER JUST WANTS TO BE HIS PARTNER, AND HE JUST WANTS TO LOOK OUT FOR HIS BOYS, AND OMFGGGGGGGG FEEELS.
So then they get zapped into Neverland through a teleporation device disguised as a glowing orb of awesome. And the crocodiles have like 10 legs and the Injuns are PEOPLE OF THE RAVEN (OH MY FUCKING GOD I LOVE THIS TOO MUCH) and Q'orianka Kilcher is playing Tigerlily (aka Aaya) and I just love everything about this world with its prettiness and silver "tree spirits", aka fairies.
AND HOOK IS SWORD-FIGHTING PIRATES BECAUSE "HIS BOYS STAY WITH HIM", and Bob Hoskins is yet again an adorable Smee and then Hook and Bonny start eye-sexing all over the place and I ship it like an armada and then there's ACTUAL SEXING OMFG DREAMS DO COME TRUE.
Peter and adorable little Fox (WHO JUST WANTED TO BE AN ACCOUNTANT WHEN HE GREW UP, OMFG) sneak to the ship to rescue the rest of the Boys and Peter's determined to get Jimmy, too, and INTERRUPTS THE SEX (HOW DARE U, PETER). Which results in a super unkempt and ridiculously sexy Hook in a half-undone Oriental robe trying to talk him down before hugging him like a dad and calling him his boy and ugh ugh ugh.
AND THEN FOX HAS TO GET SKEWERED OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOES.
So Peter and Tigerlily (who are totes making eyes at each other, I caught all of that eye-sexing, you two crazy kids) go off into the woods in search of a mountaintop and a hooded guy from Peter's dream (sounds legit, yo) and they meet Tinkerbell (voiced by Keria Knightley, whuuut?) and then find a SUPER CRAZY AWESOME city made of woven trees (I WANT TO GO TO THERE) and the hooded dude who turns out to be a 400-year-old alchemist AND the guy who originally hired Jimmy to get the orb back in London. And there's a SUPER RIDICULOUSLY AWESOME "scientific" explanation as to what Neverland is and why people never age there -- I WAS IN PAROXYSMS OF DELIGHT -- and then OF COURSE the pirates led by Mad Bonny have to show up and ruin everything and set fire to the trees and kill the poor alchemist dude.
AND THEN PETER AND HOOK SWORD-FIGHT, PETER WITH HIS SIGNATURE DAGGER, OMFG MY HEEEEART. AND THEN HOOK IS ALL, "I MADE A PROMISE TO YOUR MOTHER." AND IT'S HER PICTURE IN HIS FOB WATCH AND HE IS ACTUALLY PETER'S DAD, HOLY SHIT I LOVE THIS TWIST.
But of course Bonny has to show up and spoil the moment and grabs the second orb and then Peter tries to escape and gets captured so Aaya shows up and promises to share the secrets of the tree spirits with Bonny if only she'll set Peter free -- and Peter being the well-intentioned DUNCE he is tries to run again and BONNY FUCKING STABS HIM AND HE FALLS OUT OF THE TREE AND OMFG AAYA'S FACE AND SHE'S SOBBING AND NO YOU TWO KIDS I TOTES SHIP YOU SO HARD.
But of course Tinkerbell's there, and she has some of the astral energy in her from the orbs and she's going to heal Peter and resurrect him and THAT'S why he's not wholly human and can fly without extra dust -- because Tinkerbell's a special fairy and her healing will make him something more than human and the next half is going to be IIIIIINSANE.
So yeah. Found families trope: Peter and his Lost Boys and Jimmy. Long-lost parents trope: Peter and Jimmy. Dangerous liaisons trope: Hook and Bonny. JUST ALL THE PIRATEY SEX, REALLY. Strong female characters that don't give a fuck. Peter is both a charming rapscallion with his pickpocket ways and a leader in that he wants to take care of the other boys and look after them and yet also wants to JUST BE PARTNERS WITH JIMMY, UGHHH. Science as magic and magic as science: CHECK. Time-traveling and history smashing together: CHECKITY CHECK CHECK. Brooomances. UGH THIS MINISERIES IS JUST DELIGHTFUL SO FAR.
OMFG OMFG OMFG HYPERVENTILATING. At one point Ashlee and I were literally clinging to each other and bouncing and screaming on my couch. THIS MINISERIES. EVERYTHING ABOUT IT IS AMAZING. NICK WILLIG, YOU FABULOUS MAN, YOU. THIS IS EVEN BETTER THAN ALICE IN MOST WAYS (EXCEPTING THE ALICE/HATTER, BUT OF COURSE) OMFG I LOVE YOUR REIMAGININGS.
And I ship Bonny/Hook and Peter/Aaya because I am a sucker and cannot help it and oooooh the fic I could write for all of this UGH.
Worst thing: I'm going to miss part 2 because I work until 10 tomorrow, noooo. So I'll have to catch it in a repeat later this week. FAR TOO SAD ABOUT THIS, TBH.
So yes. TV gave me every feeling under the sun tonight and I'm far too worked up to sleep or even think/react very coherently beyond CAPSLOCKING and OMFG FEEEELINGS-spewing. I suppose it's a good thing that I don't have to work until 2 tomorrow and can sleep in, vent some more so I'm not a giant bundle of fangirl nerves tomorrow. WAT.
And lest I forget, Kaleigh and I ALSO finally watched How to Train Your Dragon: Gift of the Night Fury today, and hooooly shit. Almost too much adorability to handle. BABY GRONKLES ARE THE PUGS OF THE DRAGON WORLD. I'm officially renaming Jesusmas Snoggletog. I loved how Astrid was so determined to keep people cheerful for the holiday. AND TOOTHLESS DOESN'T WANT TO FLY IF IT'S NOT WITH HICCUP, OH MY H E A R T.
But for real people: if you haven't watched How to Train Your Dragon yet, you are doing yourself a disservice. It's a guaranteed happy-inducing film and WILL improve your quality of life exponentially. One of the best, most brilliant, most touching films I've seen in my life, and that's no exaggeration. I think it may very well be in my Top 20 Films of All Time list. The cast, the characters, the writing, the music, the animation, the story, THE EVERYTHING is as close to flawless as you can get.
Damn, I'm going to have to re-watch the full movie tomorrow morning.
BUT YEAH. PEOPLE WHO WATCHED OUAT AND NEVERLAND, COME AT ME AND SHARE YOUR FEELINGS WITH ME I NEED PEOPLE TO SCREAM AT/WITH. UGHHH.