confusion
i'm starting to learn some new healthy habits for myself. there are a few things that i know cause me pain and that i wish to avoid for now.
they are-
(1) stop smoking and partying, no matter who gives me a hard time about it
(2) don't do anything with my music unless i feel it 100%
(3) don't make any decisions unless i am 100%
i've felt i've had to move, i felt i've needed sex, i felt i've needed a career. but none of these things mean anything to me if they don't come from the right place.
i don't want to be motivated by fear in anything that i do, this is my primary reason for living. i have made this choice since high school when i decided not to go to a 4 year college. i knew that by the time i reached the age when most kids graduated college i would either know that i needed to go to school and make some big decision about my life and my direction or that i wouldn't. and right now, i feel like i do not, because i am still not certain. and i will not make any decisions about "what i must do with my life" until i know, 100%. there's no use involving myself in something if i can't give my all to it, fearlessly.
this is extrememly unordinary for someone my age in this society, i know. so be it. i am not like the others. i will not live my life forcing myself to make decisions and big changes if they mean nothing more than decisions and changes. i want to feel that what i am doing for myself is right, in every aspect. i still have not found it yet and i am not afraid of this.
because i do know something. and it is that everything is alright, always, always, always. what must i fear?
they are-
(1) stop smoking and partying, no matter who gives me a hard time about it
(2) don't do anything with my music unless i feel it 100%
(3) don't make any decisions unless i am 100%
i've felt i've had to move, i felt i've needed sex, i felt i've needed a career. but none of these things mean anything to me if they don't come from the right place.
i don't want to be motivated by fear in anything that i do, this is my primary reason for living. i have made this choice since high school when i decided not to go to a 4 year college. i knew that by the time i reached the age when most kids graduated college i would either know that i needed to go to school and make some big decision about my life and my direction or that i wouldn't. and right now, i feel like i do not, because i am still not certain. and i will not make any decisions about "what i must do with my life" until i know, 100%. there's no use involving myself in something if i can't give my all to it, fearlessly.
this is extrememly unordinary for someone my age in this society, i know. so be it. i am not like the others. i will not live my life forcing myself to make decisions and big changes if they mean nothing more than decisions and changes. i want to feel that what i am doing for myself is right, in every aspect. i still have not found it yet and i am not afraid of this.
because i do know something. and it is that everything is alright, always, always, always. what must i fear?