(no subject)
i dont think im happy about that much right now...
the TOR recording came and went. its finished. it was a fun 3 days, but in hindsight we shouldve been more prepared for what it was. first of all, my nerves were shot. i went into the place with the wrong attitude and i was a bit shaken. my playing isnt the best its been. and on tape thats never cool. it was intimidating. alot different from BLAM for sure and i dont think we were ready for that. i think we do much better in smaller places. we owe $500+ dollars on the recording too. and thats even after the portion that HWCinc picked up on the bill. i think its a bit unfair because there were definitly times that we did nothing in the studio except talk, and im really hoping we didnt get charged for it. part of me thinks we overpaid but then again, that could just be my general fucked up attitude about it. i have yet to hear it mastered but i keep telling myself that we couldve done so much more of a better job on all of this. i feel like if it doesnt turn out well we would have let alot of people down. and thats not a good feeling. its like a real fear of mine now. like i feel that if we get the master back and its not to my liking, i dont want to fucking release it. id rather re-record it. shit, the band JUDGE did that shit with their first full length. and furthermore, grindcore bands are supposed to sound gritty and rough. never fucking polished. fuck.
i swear, if i didnt have something on my mind always, i wouldnt know what the fuck to do. im worried about ANYTHING constantly. no wonder my fucking hair is falling out and i get no sleep. i cant relax. its always something. relationship woes. friendship woes. money issues. the fear that TOR will let HWCinc down. my future for me....oh my god, dont even get me started on that.
i need a fucking vacation from my brain for a year.
tomorrow i will be 24 years old. its true that after the age of 21 you stop caring about this shit. it just makes you feel worse about yourself when you stop and realize that you still live at home with your parents. luckily im waiting on the month of June. finally get out of this place again for a good while. oh, how i love touring.
oh. ive gone back to be a strict vegetarian. im 8 days strong on it. i was veg for over 6 years and i never felt better. last year a new mindset (which was: being vegetarian is for tree hugging fucks) told me to give it up. after a full year of not watching what i ate and just living pretty grossly i managed to gain a whole 50 pounds. what a loser i am.
i bought REVENGE OF THE NERDS/REVENGE OF THE NERDS 2: NERDS IN PARADISE DVD yesterday. its quite possibly the best purchase ive made in quite some time.
they just dont make them like they used to.
may i suggest everyone see the movie HOSTEL. it was truely a gore delight. i had heard rumors that people had passed out during certain scenes at the advance screenings of the film. i figured it was all a bunch of bullshit. i felt that way until i was sitting in the theater, and i hear a rustling around a few seats away. it turns out to be 2 people carrying their friend out by her arms. she was shaking like crazy and crying hysterically. when the light from the screen hit her i could make out that she had just vomitted all over herself. i could simply not believe it.
i know it sounds like im being a huge pussy. and i am. i wont deny it. i wish i could live my life differently. not in the sense of not giving a fuck about shit, because that lifestyle is just as bad as giving a fuck about everything. i just wish there was a happy medium for me. confronted with an issue and being able to handle it without it turning into a life crisis. is it possible...
the TOR recording came and went. its finished. it was a fun 3 days, but in hindsight we shouldve been more prepared for what it was. first of all, my nerves were shot. i went into the place with the wrong attitude and i was a bit shaken. my playing isnt the best its been. and on tape thats never cool. it was intimidating. alot different from BLAM for sure and i dont think we were ready for that. i think we do much better in smaller places. we owe $500+ dollars on the recording too. and thats even after the portion that HWCinc picked up on the bill. i think its a bit unfair because there were definitly times that we did nothing in the studio except talk, and im really hoping we didnt get charged for it. part of me thinks we overpaid but then again, that could just be my general fucked up attitude about it. i have yet to hear it mastered but i keep telling myself that we couldve done so much more of a better job on all of this. i feel like if it doesnt turn out well we would have let alot of people down. and thats not a good feeling. its like a real fear of mine now. like i feel that if we get the master back and its not to my liking, i dont want to fucking release it. id rather re-record it. shit, the band JUDGE did that shit with their first full length. and furthermore, grindcore bands are supposed to sound gritty and rough. never fucking polished. fuck.
i swear, if i didnt have something on my mind always, i wouldnt know what the fuck to do. im worried about ANYTHING constantly. no wonder my fucking hair is falling out and i get no sleep. i cant relax. its always something. relationship woes. friendship woes. money issues. the fear that TOR will let HWCinc down. my future for me....oh my god, dont even get me started on that.
i need a fucking vacation from my brain for a year.
tomorrow i will be 24 years old. its true that after the age of 21 you stop caring about this shit. it just makes you feel worse about yourself when you stop and realize that you still live at home with your parents. luckily im waiting on the month of June. finally get out of this place again for a good while. oh, how i love touring.
oh. ive gone back to be a strict vegetarian. im 8 days strong on it. i was veg for over 6 years and i never felt better. last year a new mindset (which was: being vegetarian is for tree hugging fucks) told me to give it up. after a full year of not watching what i ate and just living pretty grossly i managed to gain a whole 50 pounds. what a loser i am.
i bought REVENGE OF THE NERDS/REVENGE OF THE NERDS 2: NERDS IN PARADISE DVD yesterday. its quite possibly the best purchase ive made in quite some time.
they just dont make them like they used to.
may i suggest everyone see the movie HOSTEL. it was truely a gore delight. i had heard rumors that people had passed out during certain scenes at the advance screenings of the film. i figured it was all a bunch of bullshit. i felt that way until i was sitting in the theater, and i hear a rustling around a few seats away. it turns out to be 2 people carrying their friend out by her arms. she was shaking like crazy and crying hysterically. when the light from the screen hit her i could make out that she had just vomitted all over herself. i could simply not believe it.
i know it sounds like im being a huge pussy. and i am. i wont deny it. i wish i could live my life differently. not in the sense of not giving a fuck about shit, because that lifestyle is just as bad as giving a fuck about everything. i just wish there was a happy medium for me. confronted with an issue and being able to handle it without it turning into a life crisis. is it possible...