That's not a contraction. THAT'S a motherfucking* contraction.

[zombiehamster]

If gallstones are a 10 on the pain scale, my contractions last night and today are shooting up to around 6/7. Unfortunately, they're staying about 10 minutes apart, and all in my motherfucking back like the world's worst fucking menstrual cramps from hell combined with an Alien with ten inch claws working her way out from the inside in multiple directions. I also had the joyous occasion of losing my mucous plug (MMM, marmalade!) and feeling my cervix spasm like a raver on ecstasy, so I know things are moving along internally as well. Especially since Baby Beardo is now so low that I can't even pee without contorting myself into origami positions on the can. WOULD YOU LIKE TO LEARN MORE????

I just want this OVER. GIT R DONE ETC ETC

Besides, having the Dread Pirate Baby Beardo born on Talk Like a Pirate Day is a much awesomer holiday to be birthed upon. Yarr!

*Because I hear Samuel L Jackson in my head instead of Paul Hogan