Listen Up When The Zen Master Speaks, Goddamnit
In having a conversation with samanthalake
a couple months ago, I mentioned the concept of Good Husband
Points. She, glad to be talking to somebody who intimately
understood the importance of these wonderful things, mentioned that it
was these very things which allowed some wives to do the nice things
for their husbands (boyfriends, girlfriends, S.O.'s, whatever) which
come seemingly out of the blue.
The truth is that GHP's (and GWP's, not to discriminate) are part of the lifeblood of any long-term relationship. Simply assuming that your partner is going to do nice things for you at all times is rather unrealistic, really. we get sidetracked from time to time; we have chores to do, people to see, Intarw3bs to gaze upon, and sometimes, damnit, we just like being selfish with our time because it's the nature of the human animal to do so.
GHP's take the edge off of that, putting a little unexpected spice and kindness back into the day-to-day beat of a relationship. They are wonderful things, tradeable for a Get Out Of Jail Free card whenever you fuck up and forget to do something like lock the side gate AND the back door AND just leave the screen door in place all in the same night. Not that I did that last night or anything, ahem. They are also redeemable for things such as laptop computers, the choice in destination for a day trip, a particularly desired menu item or any other of a hundred thousand things that take the squeak out of the rusty gears that is sometimes our day-to-day lives. They are also just plain the right thing to do.
Want to know how to earn GHP's? Here's some ways:
Take the garbage out without being asked. It doesn't cost you anything, eats up perhaps two minutes total of your day and makes her releved every time the door under the sink is opened. Plus, your house will smell much better, enhancing everyone's lives.
Do laundry every now and then. Once again, this doesn't take long and if you have any questions, the tag on the back of the item of clothing will answer your questions. If you can't read the tag on the back... well, it means you're illiterate and you can't read what I'm going to write next anyway, so nyah nyah nyah nayh!
Offer to pick up groceries on your way home every now and then. Really, it's easy. Noticing a pattern yet?
Every month and a half or so, bring her home a flower. If you pick it yourself, this one's even cheaper. Make sure it's a good flower, though; roses infected with the Creeping Crud Rash have a tendency to bring on the Dreaded Fake Smile. Don't do this enough time and you'll get argyle socks instead of silk pajamas for Christmas.
Learn to give a good foot massage. I just heard a groan from the ladies in the audience. You all know what I'm talking about. For the guys, here's a little hint; lotion is good, thumbs are better, attention to detail is best. Go forth and do likewise.
There's no way to say this politely so... give good head. That's right, I said it. Do you like blowjobs? Of course you do. So does your girl. So always remember that you get as good as you give, and open your heart to the spirit of giving. Again and again and again, if necessary.
Do these things and your stock of GHP's will grow by leaps and bounds. Do them well and often enough, and the world is your oyster.
For both of you.
'Tis the season...
The truth is that GHP's (and GWP's, not to discriminate) are part of the lifeblood of any long-term relationship. Simply assuming that your partner is going to do nice things for you at all times is rather unrealistic, really. we get sidetracked from time to time; we have chores to do, people to see, Intarw3bs to gaze upon, and sometimes, damnit, we just like being selfish with our time because it's the nature of the human animal to do so.
GHP's take the edge off of that, putting a little unexpected spice and kindness back into the day-to-day beat of a relationship. They are wonderful things, tradeable for a Get Out Of Jail Free card whenever you fuck up and forget to do something like lock the side gate AND the back door AND just leave the screen door in place all in the same night. Not that I did that last night or anything, ahem. They are also redeemable for things such as laptop computers, the choice in destination for a day trip, a particularly desired menu item or any other of a hundred thousand things that take the squeak out of the rusty gears that is sometimes our day-to-day lives. They are also just plain the right thing to do.
Want to know how to earn GHP's? Here's some ways:
Take the garbage out without being asked. It doesn't cost you anything, eats up perhaps two minutes total of your day and makes her releved every time the door under the sink is opened. Plus, your house will smell much better, enhancing everyone's lives.
Do laundry every now and then. Once again, this doesn't take long and if you have any questions, the tag on the back of the item of clothing will answer your questions. If you can't read the tag on the back... well, it means you're illiterate and you can't read what I'm going to write next anyway, so nyah nyah nyah nayh!
Offer to pick up groceries on your way home every now and then. Really, it's easy. Noticing a pattern yet?
Every month and a half or so, bring her home a flower. If you pick it yourself, this one's even cheaper. Make sure it's a good flower, though; roses infected with the Creeping Crud Rash have a tendency to bring on the Dreaded Fake Smile. Don't do this enough time and you'll get argyle socks instead of silk pajamas for Christmas.
Learn to give a good foot massage. I just heard a groan from the ladies in the audience. You all know what I'm talking about. For the guys, here's a little hint; lotion is good, thumbs are better, attention to detail is best. Go forth and do likewise.
There's no way to say this politely so... give good head. That's right, I said it. Do you like blowjobs? Of course you do. So does your girl. So always remember that you get as good as you give, and open your heart to the spirit of giving. Again and again and again, if necessary.
Do these things and your stock of GHP's will grow by leaps and bounds. Do them well and often enough, and the world is your oyster.
For both of you.
'Tis the season...