It's Just Jesse Being Jesse
What have I been doing lately? Not a lot. Actually, that's not quite true... I've been doing plenty lately, just not much of it seems worth reporting on. Since I haven't updated in a while, though, I'll give it a shot by sharing some abject humiliation
I tried out for Jeopardy! when the "Brain Bus" rolled into Jackson Rancheria Indian Casino and Hotel on a day when I was out from work due to my knee feeling like hell. Since it was feeling moderately better in the afternoon, I went on up to try my luck because I have always said that I would gladly try out for the show (and go through it like shit through a goose, the unspoken subtext whispers), but I am unwilling to drive down to the cauldron of Hell commonly called Los Angeles for the opportunity. However, give me the opportunity to stand outside in line, on asphalt in the sun for three hours, and I'm there.
Yes, it was not exactly the most well-designed plan on either part; the producers fucked up by having us stand outside in line in the sun, and I fucked up by bombing miserably. Everybody got a ten-question test, which was allegedly the same one only on different-colored sheets of paper. Uh-huh. My nightmare had been that I would get horrible questions in categories I had no clue on, such as Accounting 101, Vice-Presidents Before 1840 and Beloved People From Denver (there aren't any, so don't bother Googling). As it turned out, I was enormously correct on this prediction for the last time that day. Mine included such gems as:
In 1962, Doctor A (don't remember the name) and Doctor B (ditto) shared the Novel Prize with a third doctor. Who was this third doctor?
The half-mile square country that includes Monte Carlo is called what?
The Roman Emperor (don't remember the name because I honestly don't give a tin shit) was famous for building columns; his successor was famous for building walls. What was his name?
This actor won an Emmy for roles he played on both The Practice and Boston Legal. Who is this actor?
Finally, I thought I had one. After all, there are only two actors I know of who have been on both shows, being William Shatner and James Spader, and Spader is light-years ahead of Shatner in terms of acting ability. I gleefully put down Spader... and was once again incorrect. I don't know what's more shameful; that I got it wrong, or that William Shatner actually has two Emmys. At one point, I glanced up at the girl watching me taking my test, smiled and said: "I'm doing my best to at least spell my incorrect answers correctly."
So I drove for an hour, stood in line for another three hours and flunked the test in less than five minutes. In virtually any flavor of scorecards, that counts as a colossal failure. However, my saving grace is that I didn't chicken out. I was very tempted to; at point I had to pep talk myself as I cruised along the winding road leading to the place where people usually just lose their life savings rather than their aura of invincibility, but I managed to stay the course and ride it out. I didn't hit the EJECT button, and because of that, my wife says I am a winner. One who flunked the test while everyone around him apparently passed, but at least I took that fastball to the dome and didn't jump out of the batter's box.
Oh, and I got my Cooperstown Collection Dennis Eckersley jersey from South Korea today.
Tonight, guitar and zombies. Forward!
I tried out for Jeopardy! when the "Brain Bus" rolled into Jackson Rancheria Indian Casino and Hotel on a day when I was out from work due to my knee feeling like hell. Since it was feeling moderately better in the afternoon, I went on up to try my luck because I have always said that I would gladly try out for the show (and go through it like shit through a goose, the unspoken subtext whispers), but I am unwilling to drive down to the cauldron of Hell commonly called Los Angeles for the opportunity. However, give me the opportunity to stand outside in line, on asphalt in the sun for three hours, and I'm there.
Yes, it was not exactly the most well-designed plan on either part; the producers fucked up by having us stand outside in line in the sun, and I fucked up by bombing miserably. Everybody got a ten-question test, which was allegedly the same one only on different-colored sheets of paper. Uh-huh. My nightmare had been that I would get horrible questions in categories I had no clue on, such as Accounting 101, Vice-Presidents Before 1840 and Beloved People From Denver (there aren't any, so don't bother Googling). As it turned out, I was enormously correct on this prediction for the last time that day. Mine included such gems as:
In 1962, Doctor A (don't remember the name) and Doctor B (ditto) shared the Novel Prize with a third doctor. Who was this third doctor?
The half-mile square country that includes Monte Carlo is called what?
The Roman Emperor (don't remember the name because I honestly don't give a tin shit) was famous for building columns; his successor was famous for building walls. What was his name?
This actor won an Emmy for roles he played on both The Practice and Boston Legal. Who is this actor?
Finally, I thought I had one. After all, there are only two actors I know of who have been on both shows, being William Shatner and James Spader, and Spader is light-years ahead of Shatner in terms of acting ability. I gleefully put down Spader... and was once again incorrect. I don't know what's more shameful; that I got it wrong, or that William Shatner actually has two Emmys. At one point, I glanced up at the girl watching me taking my test, smiled and said: "I'm doing my best to at least spell my incorrect answers correctly."
So I drove for an hour, stood in line for another three hours and flunked the test in less than five minutes. In virtually any flavor of scorecards, that counts as a colossal failure. However, my saving grace is that I didn't chicken out. I was very tempted to; at point I had to pep talk myself as I cruised along the winding road leading to the place where people usually just lose their life savings rather than their aura of invincibility, but I managed to stay the course and ride it out. I didn't hit the EJECT button, and because of that, my wife says I am a winner. One who flunked the test while everyone around him apparently passed, but at least I took that fastball to the dome and didn't jump out of the batter's box.
Oh, and I got my Cooperstown Collection Dennis Eckersley jersey from South Korea today.
Tonight, guitar and zombies. Forward!