&when I start my new life I won't touch the ground.
Well, as previously stated, it was my last exam today, &my last day at uni too. I'm not going back there again, not even to collect work because it's pointless, once I have my grades for this year (which I should get in mid-late July, unofficially) it doesn't matter about the actual work I've done. So, that's that. Two years of a degree at Sunderland uni &it's over. &another year (possibly two if I fail) at Teeside. I can't wait.
It was really weird when I was walking to uni though, listening to the new Skinny Puppy album, &I decided just by a fluke to walk to the library through the path down beside the carparks instead of my usual way past the carpark &through between the Business School &the Infomatics Centre. So I'm walking down by the river, looking out over the landscape &the bridge &listening to "DaddyuWarbash" (coincidentally my favourite song on the new SP album), &it was just like one of those moments that felt like a film. Y'know when you watch a really great film when the music is just so syncronised to the moment? It felt like they wrote that damn song just for me walking by the river &looking out over the water &the bridge into town. &I realised that this is the last time I'm going to see this view, but I really don't feel sad about it. I'm glad I had that moment to just appreciate the beauty of where I am (I love water &nature &all that other crap) &just know that it's right to leave. I love that feeling when things are just totally right, it's the same with when I get tattoos, if I don't get that moment about having them done when I know it's the right time &the right circumstances, then I hope I'll have the courage to say no.
Suede-By the Sea.
"She can walk out anytime, anytime she wants to walk out, that's fine.
She can walk out anytime, anytime she feels that life has passed her by.
&when I start my new life I won't touch the ground.
I'm gonna try hard this time not to touch the ground.
He can walk out anytime, anytime he wants to walk out, that's fine.
He can walk out anytime, across the sand, into the sea, into the brine.
&when I start my new life, I won't touch the ground
I'm gonna try hard not to touch the ground.
So we sold the car &quit the job, shook some hands &wiped the makeup right off.
&we said our [i]Goodbyes[/i] to the bank, left Seven Sisters for a room in a seaside shack.
&when I start my new life, I won't touch the ground
I'm gonna try hard this time not to touch the ground.
....it's by the sea we'll breed...
....into the sea we'll bleed..."
I think those lyrics kinda sum up how I feel. I'm FREEEEEE! :D Sorry, I'm just suddenly so happy, it finally feels like the whole moving thing is under way because I have nothing to keep me here. No offence to all you lovely people here, if there was a way I could stay, then I would, because I love &adore each &every one of you, but I can't stay here. It kinda sucks that we'll probably all be scattered to the four corners of the UK for uni &stuff eventually, but I know we'll be able to keep in touch &I'll see you guys whenever I can.
I suddenly want to be all soppy &post a list of thank yous, so I'll do that;
Thank you to;
[x] Trent Reznor, Nivek Ogre, cEvin Key, Dwayne Goettel (RIP), Tori Amos, for writing music that made the past two years bearable.
[x] Kara, Katrina, Mary, Kay, Gemma &all the other genuinely lovely people at uni, I know you guys exist! :D Thanks for not being scared of me &being able to accept me for who I am &taking the time to get to know me.
[x] Murton murton, thanks for offering me a place to crash whenever things at home got too much, thanks for pushing me to transfer to Boro (I wouldn't even still BE doing my degree if it wasn't for you, I don't think).
[x] Rob prince_adreena, thanks for being my first, well, love I suppose, &making last year good at least for a few months. I know it didn't work out &we fought like cat &dog for a while, but I'm glad we made things up. <3
[x] Leesh littleleesh well, what can I say about you, eh, you little pisshead, other than I love you to bits? :P Thanks for making things fun &helping me get out &meet new people, &for all your advice.
[x] Nigel/Michael/Sleazy/whatever the fuck he's calling himself today; thanks for getting me into Skinny Puppy (you created a monster) &other great bands &stuff. &just for being totally insane &unique, there's no-one quite like you, &some people would say that's a good thing, but I don't. Thanks for looking out for me last year too. :)
[x] Lee, dyst0vox for dancing with me to VNV Nation &Dimmu, &for all the support &stuff, &for being one of the main players in the Drunken Monopoly Incident (tm) &refilling my Baileys glass everytime it was empty. :)
[x] Kate, Dan, everybody else; thanks for just being great &for all the advice &love &support.
[x] My mum; thanks for all the advice, support &love, &I'm so proud of you for being able to get through the life stuff you have. <33
I could not have gotten through the last two years without all of you, &if I could have, then they wouldn't have been half as good. Yes I've hated most of the time I had at uni, but you guys made the rest of the time bearable, &at times you gave me some of the best times of my life, &I'll always love &remember you.
"However far away, I will always love you.
However long I stay, I will always love you."
<3333333
Actually, I don't even know why I posted all this, because words will never express how much you all mean to me. The fact that I'm in tears now just typing this just might though. Fingers crossed. Fingers crossed for the rest of our lives... :)
It was really weird when I was walking to uni though, listening to the new Skinny Puppy album, &I decided just by a fluke to walk to the library through the path down beside the carparks instead of my usual way past the carpark &through between the Business School &the Infomatics Centre. So I'm walking down by the river, looking out over the landscape &the bridge &listening to "DaddyuWarbash" (coincidentally my favourite song on the new SP album), &it was just like one of those moments that felt like a film. Y'know when you watch a really great film when the music is just so syncronised to the moment? It felt like they wrote that damn song just for me walking by the river &looking out over the water &the bridge into town. &I realised that this is the last time I'm going to see this view, but I really don't feel sad about it. I'm glad I had that moment to just appreciate the beauty of where I am (I love water &nature &all that other crap) &just know that it's right to leave. I love that feeling when things are just totally right, it's the same with when I get tattoos, if I don't get that moment about having them done when I know it's the right time &the right circumstances, then I hope I'll have the courage to say no.
Suede-By the Sea.
"She can walk out anytime, anytime she wants to walk out, that's fine.
She can walk out anytime, anytime she feels that life has passed her by.
&when I start my new life I won't touch the ground.
I'm gonna try hard this time not to touch the ground.
He can walk out anytime, anytime he wants to walk out, that's fine.
He can walk out anytime, across the sand, into the sea, into the brine.
&when I start my new life, I won't touch the ground
I'm gonna try hard not to touch the ground.
So we sold the car &quit the job, shook some hands &wiped the makeup right off.
&we said our [i]Goodbyes[/i] to the bank, left Seven Sisters for a room in a seaside shack.
&when I start my new life, I won't touch the ground
I'm gonna try hard this time not to touch the ground.
....it's by the sea we'll breed...
....into the sea we'll bleed..."
I think those lyrics kinda sum up how I feel. I'm FREEEEEE! :D Sorry, I'm just suddenly so happy, it finally feels like the whole moving thing is under way because I have nothing to keep me here. No offence to all you lovely people here, if there was a way I could stay, then I would, because I love &adore each &every one of you, but I can't stay here. It kinda sucks that we'll probably all be scattered to the four corners of the UK for uni &stuff eventually, but I know we'll be able to keep in touch &I'll see you guys whenever I can.
I suddenly want to be all soppy &post a list of thank yous, so I'll do that;
Thank you to;
[x] Trent Reznor, Nivek Ogre, cEvin Key, Dwayne Goettel (RIP), Tori Amos, for writing music that made the past two years bearable.
[x] Kara, Katrina, Mary, Kay, Gemma &all the other genuinely lovely people at uni, I know you guys exist! :D Thanks for not being scared of me &being able to accept me for who I am &taking the time to get to know me.
[x] Murton murton, thanks for offering me a place to crash whenever things at home got too much, thanks for pushing me to transfer to Boro (I wouldn't even still BE doing my degree if it wasn't for you, I don't think).
[x] Rob prince_adreena, thanks for being my first, well, love I suppose, &making last year good at least for a few months. I know it didn't work out &we fought like cat &dog for a while, but I'm glad we made things up. <3
[x] Leesh littleleesh well, what can I say about you, eh, you little pisshead, other than I love you to bits? :P Thanks for making things fun &helping me get out &meet new people, &for all your advice.
[x] Nigel/Michael/Sleazy/whatever the fuck he's calling himself today; thanks for getting me into Skinny Puppy (you created a monster) &other great bands &stuff. &just for being totally insane &unique, there's no-one quite like you, &some people would say that's a good thing, but I don't. Thanks for looking out for me last year too. :)
[x] Lee, dyst0vox for dancing with me to VNV Nation &Dimmu, &for all the support &stuff, &for being one of the main players in the Drunken Monopoly Incident (tm) &refilling my Baileys glass everytime it was empty. :)
[x] Kate, Dan, everybody else; thanks for just being great &for all the advice &love &support.
[x] My mum; thanks for all the advice, support &love, &I'm so proud of you for being able to get through the life stuff you have. <33
I could not have gotten through the last two years without all of you, &if I could have, then they wouldn't have been half as good. Yes I've hated most of the time I had at uni, but you guys made the rest of the time bearable, &at times you gave me some of the best times of my life, &I'll always love &remember you.
"However far away, I will always love you.
However long I stay, I will always love you."
<3333333
Actually, I don't even know why I posted all this, because words will never express how much you all mean to me. The fact that I'm in tears now just typing this just might though. Fingers crossed. Fingers crossed for the rest of our lives... :)