funny, i think so anyway
I was REALLY bored and started reading some reviews for horror movies on some site. I think I love the man who wrote them up, because he's really entertaining me...
Friday the 13th: Part 3
"While the viewer watches he is reminded that he may have homework to do, or a charity to contribute to, or, perhaps, a popsicle stick castle to build. After awhile the movie ends and the viewer then realizes that they just wasted lots of time and money on something awful, so shame and depression set in. Soon they get over it, and pop in Friday the 13th Part 3 to give it "another chance". The cycle continues. Eventually they become alcoholic accountants trapped in loveless marriages with hateful spoiled children and toss themselves out of 17th story windows and it's all because of Friday the 13th Part 3.
Don't let this happen to you!"
Final Destination 2
"When I was a kid I had a hamster named Mr. Piddles who used to love running really, really fast in his hamster wheel. I, on the other hand, lost complete and total interest in Mr. Piddles and his goddamn wheel approximately ten minutes after first putting it in his cage.
Mr. Piddles ran and ran and ran on that wheel until, finally, desperate for peace and quiet, I let Mr. Piddles play with the kitties.
What does Mr. Piddles (God rest his little rotten soul) and his hamster wheel have to do with Final Destination 2? Well, after ten minutes of this movie I started to feel like Mr. Piddles running madly but getting nowhere."
Halloween: Resurrection
"To call this film simply bad would be akin to calling Hitler anti-social."
Valentine
"Okay, so I'm mad there wasn't any nudity, but why shouldn't I be? This lame
movie has to give us something. I mean, hell, Denise Richards made out with
Neve Campbell in Wild Things, and showed us pretty much all her goods, yet
here all we get is a bikini shot! C'mon! It's not like she's Meryl Streep, or
anything. Richards' acting skills are limited to looking bitchy, and looking
bitchy naked."
Bully
"Let me get this out of the way. I love horror films, I am offended by virtually nothing, and half of my computer is filled with porn, yet this movie made me feel like a bible thumping, flag waving old lady and I don't like it one bit."
Friday the 13th: Part 3
"While the viewer watches he is reminded that he may have homework to do, or a charity to contribute to, or, perhaps, a popsicle stick castle to build. After awhile the movie ends and the viewer then realizes that they just wasted lots of time and money on something awful, so shame and depression set in. Soon they get over it, and pop in Friday the 13th Part 3 to give it "another chance". The cycle continues. Eventually they become alcoholic accountants trapped in loveless marriages with hateful spoiled children and toss themselves out of 17th story windows and it's all because of Friday the 13th Part 3.
Don't let this happen to you!"
Final Destination 2
"When I was a kid I had a hamster named Mr. Piddles who used to love running really, really fast in his hamster wheel. I, on the other hand, lost complete and total interest in Mr. Piddles and his goddamn wheel approximately ten minutes after first putting it in his cage.
Mr. Piddles ran and ran and ran on that wheel until, finally, desperate for peace and quiet, I let Mr. Piddles play with the kitties.
What does Mr. Piddles (God rest his little rotten soul) and his hamster wheel have to do with Final Destination 2? Well, after ten minutes of this movie I started to feel like Mr. Piddles running madly but getting nowhere."
Halloween: Resurrection
"To call this film simply bad would be akin to calling Hitler anti-social."
Valentine
"Okay, so I'm mad there wasn't any nudity, but why shouldn't I be? This lame
movie has to give us something. I mean, hell, Denise Richards made out with
Neve Campbell in Wild Things, and showed us pretty much all her goods, yet
here all we get is a bikini shot! C'mon! It's not like she's Meryl Streep, or
anything. Richards' acting skills are limited to looking bitchy, and looking
bitchy naked."
Bully
"Let me get this out of the way. I love horror films, I am offended by virtually nothing, and half of my computer is filled with porn, yet this movie made me feel like a bible thumping, flag waving old lady and I don't like it one bit."