brb, dying of laughter.

[zombieboyband]

So Scarlett Johansson nudes hit reddit. I don't like her as Black Widow, but: hot damn. Anyway, boyfriend, as a redditer, was on this, and we were discussing it as I walked him home, pulling up pics on his phone.

And then:

"There's another one, too, but it's a tit shot. And it's sad, but boob shots just don't impress me anymore, because I'm dating Booberella. Queen of the Boobs. Boobzilla."

(pause)

"Yeah, my girlfriend? She kills people in Europe. They call her The Boobonic Plague.".

THE BOOBONIC PLAGUE. I CAN'T EVEN, GUYS.

So then we pulled up the topless shot, and I was, like,

"Huh. I mean, she's hot, but...I expected them to be...bigger."

"Dude," boyfriend says, "Those are some pretty big tits. Just because you're stacked and all--"

Then he did his mincing walk thing, on tiptoe, shoulders back, chest out, flailing a little, and pantomimed breaking down a wall while saying, "Nothing stops the Juggertit!"

and then he bumps into me chest first--

"I'M THE JUGGERTIT, BITCH."

ANNNND THEN I PROMPTLY KEELED OVER AND DIED.

(Later, while my abs hurt and I'm wiping tears away--

"Ahahahahhh--I do kind of walk like that, too."

"I know. I know.")