FANDOM MEME THING
Taken from the lovely introductory
The Hypothetical AU Meme: Take any one of the fandoms you know I am familiar with, and give me a type of AU (space opera AU, pirate AU, superhero AU, Ancient Rome, etc). I will then explain what story from your chosen fandom I would write for your chosen type of AU.GO GO ASK NOW EVERYTHING. I'm going to bed now and I want to ( Read more... )
The Hypothetical AU Meme: Take any one of the fandoms you know I am familiar with, and give me a type of AU (space opera AU, pirate AU, superhero AU, Ancient Rome, etc). I will then explain what story from your chosen fandom I would write for your chosen type of AU.GO GO ASK NOW EVERYTHING. I'm going to bed now and I want to ( Read more... )
Shaw is a Roman general, but unusually brutal and sadistic. So he's tooling around and conquering the shit out of some Gauls, so this can still be set in what is currently Germany. He sweeps through and kills the shit out a bunch of Gauls, but he takes lots of slaves, too, and performs really crude surgeries/experiments in his spare time because he's all, WE MUST KNOW HOW TO MEND OUR SOLDIERS, YES? cut cut hack hack torture torture. Erik is a young boy; his tribe is dead; mom, captured, and he still has a little bit of metal bending power, so, naturally, Shaw kills his mom because that's the kind of motivational lifecoach he is. Erik lives as favored slave for a while, forced to do whatever Shaw wants and, IDK, help him with his armor? Until he's a bit older, and he ESCAPES.
Meanwhile, Charles is a nice literate Geek philosopher, and he's also a poet and he's a still a telepath but he doesn't want to let on least he be forced to live a cloistered and holy existence as an oracle in a temple somewhere, which would be a bummer because: sex. He's having a bunch of it, and his poetry is reeaalllly sexy and he's having a grand old time and Raven is somewhere there, too, being upset that Charles hasn't written any poetry for HER and why can't she just go run naked and wild in the woods? And Charles is like, stop that. Last time three new cults started up.
So Erik is traveling around, killing the shit out of Shaw's former high command and whatever, who have cushy lives now. One day he's in Greece and laying waste to someone's entire estate (as Shaw would do), but his target flees into town and there are Roman soldiers there but Erik doesn't care and he throws himself into taking them ALL ON, and it's basically suicide but then Charles stumbles in and is all "!" and nearly gets smacked over with the force of Erik's painrage, so he's like WAIT WAIT WHAT A HILARIOUS MISUNDERSTANDING THIS IS, A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY TO THE FORUM, HERE, SOLDIERS, LET ME GIVE YOU A BUNCH OF BRIBES, NEVER YOU MIND MY UNRULY SLAVE HERE, I'LL SEE HE'S DULY PUNISHED. Not of that matches the steady stream of calm down calm down amongst friends I will help you that's feeding into his head, but Erik's injured and whatever, SO. Everyone goes back to Charles's villa, or whatever.
Much bonding; here is where I would put in the history porn and talk about art and culture and shit, blah blah blah. Erik appeals to Charles and is like, WE GOTTA KILL THIS GUY, HE'S MENACE, ALSO: HE KILLED MY MOM. And Charles is like, ish, this guy's crazy powerful, you know?
AND CHARLES GOES INTO POLITICS SO HE CAN GO TO IMPORTANT DINNERS AND STUFF AND GET SHAW NEWS.
Meanwhile: Emma is Cleopatra, because WHY THE FUCK NOT. She has a rich country that she is Queen of but there's lots of civil unrest and she has to flee, so she sends Shaw a rug or maybe just makes people think she's sending Shaw a rug, and gets a secret audience with him and throws in her lot with his if he'll put her back on her throne. And Shaw's like, YOU WILL BE MY CONSORT AND ALSO MIND RAPE PEOPLE FOR ME AND MAKE SURE THERE ARE NO SPIES. And she's like, whatever, deal, I get to be queen of Egypt, right? And Shaw's like, ALSO I GET TO GO THROUGH YOUR TREASURY and Emma's like FINE BUT I GET TO BE QUEEN, RIGHT? And Shaw's like, oh yeah, sure, I was planning on annexing you but whatevs. So they have a sexy Cleopatra/Caesar thing going on for a while, but more evil.
So they tool around together and basically take over most of Africa.
Reply
So Charles has risen in power/importance that he gets invited to some big dinner Shaw is at, and Erik is in and they are all ready to assassinate him, but Emma is next to him and mind reads their intentions and Charles has never met another telepath so EVERYTHING GOES TO SHIT, and Erik and Charles have to flee. And now Charles is known to be, well, a would be assassin, and with Emma they can't infiltrate shit anymore, so Charles is like, ERIK, MY FRIEND, LET US FORGET ALL THIS AND GO HERD SHEEP TOGETHER; I HEAR ITHACA IS PRETTY RAD. And Erik is like, NO, WE MUST RAISE AN ARMY TO FIGHT HIM.
And Charles is like, BUT HE'S THE MOST POWERFUL PERSON IN THE WORLD! And war is bloodshed D: I will not do this.
And Erik is like, SO BE IT.
schism schism schism
And this could end there. BUT THEN--
Meanwhile, Raven is like, FUCK THIS, I'M GOING TO GO RUN OFF AND BE WORSHIPED IN A TEMPLE SOMEWHERE AS A GODDESS. So she does. Hank comes with her for high priest duties.
So Erik becomes crazy warlord guy, which is hard to do without Charles because he's so inspirational and smart and shit, but Erik has sort of gone off the deep end and is willing to burn shit to the ground, so.
EVENTUALLY there is a big scandal with Shaw's wife, who he married for political power back in the day, so he sends Emma to chill out somewhere, probably because the big scandal is that he erects a golden statue of her in the middle of someplace and it's obviously her and he dedicates it TO VENUS. This is years later, and Shaw doesn't go to war anymore because he is too powerful and important for that, and his generals do his dirty work.
So SOMEHOW a riot starts and all the senators are clustered together and then BAM Azazel stabs Shaw, and Shaw is all, et tu, Az, seriously? And Azazel is like WHAT I MEAN I TOTALLY DID WANT TO KILL YOU, BUT I HAD NO PLANS and from elsewhere Charles is like, ~MIND CONTROL~.
Meanwhile Emma is pissed and so Erik is sort of in the Marc Antony roll, because he teams up with her and they take on the Roman civil war.
Sometime around there Charles, who has been missing for years, infiltrates Erik's tent and he's like, Erik! Please stop! I thought you would stop once Shaw was dead!
And Erik is all, ROME WILL PAY. OR ROME WILL BE MINE.
And Charles is like, BUT I KILLED CAESAR SHAW FOR YOU.
And Erik is like, AND THUS DENIED ME EVERYTHING, EVEN MY REVENGE.
divorce two, SAD SAD SAD--
except Charles plays the BUT WHAT WOULD YOUR MOTHER SAY card, and also, HOW ARE YOU SURE THE OTHER TELEPATH ISN'T INFLUENCING YOU?
and Erik, because he's paranoid, doesn't quite have an answer.
and Charles leaves his tent, but the seed has been planted and next time they meet Erik is like, what would you have me do--risk falling thrall to the OTHER telepath I know?
And Charles is like, yeah, basically. Also Raven set up this temple out in the middle of nowhere and people worship her as a goddess and they like mutants, it's pretty groovy, do you want to come?
And Erik is like, NO WAR. I AM BUSY.
And it's very sad.
BUT THEN--um, something. Resolutions. I DON'T KNOW. Erik decides FUCK THIS one day because he's about to slaughter a family and it sickens him and he's like WHAT HAVE I BECOME, EMMA, I PULL OUT and Emma's like, WHATEVER, PUSS.
And so eventually he tracks down the temple where Raven is running shit and Charles is indeed there acting as kind of an oracle and THEY ALL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER AND ALSO EMMA WINS THE UNIVERSE.
Reply
i can't
my mother asked me why i was hitting myself in the face and i couldn't tell her why
Reply
Also Emma Emma Emma I love Emma oh god my face if you could see my face right now this is BEAUTIFUL
Reply
Man, Emma is my one serious disappointment in XMFC. I love her in the comics, and she was okay in the movie, but my Emma is deliciously snarky and aggressively, taunting sexual and smug and kjsfdkjsd, EMMA.
I ALSO REALLY LIKE CLEOPATRA, so once my mind make the connect I was like, I'm doomed. Even the brainstorming is going to be long.
Reply
I don't even know but I just oh god so much incoherence and ALL MY FAVORITE PEOPLE OKAY and you're not just ignoring raven you're actually including raven and WE ALL KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT SHAW and jghaljdklhajsdf
i need a drink or something jesus
Reply
Leave a comment