disco biscuit love
My life is suddenly incredibly busy. I don't even know what happened. One moment you're lazying around, congratulating yourself on moving cities and managing to have an actual couch and...no chairs, as such, or tables, actually, but...definitely a couch...and two bean bags...and exercise balls for desk chairs that are distinct from the exercise ball you use to do sit ups...and then suddenly, BAM, you're an unpaid scientist observing the shit out of some primates and training dogs and socializing puppies and trying to get your boyfriend's fucking suits steamed and pressed.
Oh, and cosplay.
I missed last year's dragon con because--why was that? Oh, right: EMERGENCY FUCKING BRAIN SURGERY.
So, assuming a distinct lack of utter fucking catostrophy this year, I'll be up in Atlanta with my BF, his/our BFF Andrew (who is The Lancer of our party. The only-sane-man type of lancer. because boyfriend and I are off in crazy land, obviously), our other BFF Tess is probably coming, and, uh...
...is it bad that I don't remember everyone we invited to share our room? THERE'S LIKE TWO OTHER PEOPLE. WHO ARE THEY? WHO?
Whatever! I'll find out soon.
So yeah. Our main group themes are
1. The Walking Dead (comics and TV versions)
2. The Warriors Three/Thor/Marvel whatever
3. Slutty room party costumes (nothing will top me being body painted green, in blue leopard print string bikini, standing next to an eight foot tall Chewbacca. Alas: I peaked fn college.)
We are two asian guys and a hispanic girl, and probably also a black chick.
You may notice our themes there kind of are skewed towards white males.
WHATEVER.
Oh, I might also go as bikini Thor? Because why the fuck not. I'm not even in especially good shape for me. In fact, I am in what I consider bad shape for me, because I haven't been lifting weights.
BUT WHAT THE HELL. ANY EXCUSE TO NOT WEAR PANTS.
BF snagged the sole Asian role in TWD.
That's Glenn. Glenn is kind of a badass. I think BF would choose him anyway, but BF also favors costumes that let him walk around in normal clothes, snickering at everyone else foolish enough to don nosebleed heels/fursuits/etc. Two years ago he went as Amadeus Cho, and, wait, fuck, let's not even get into explaining that because I have a ferocious girl boner for Cho, radical boy genius.
Uhhh.
Where was I?
So, because comic!Glenn is running around in civves, of course BF wants a SUPER ACCURATE costume. I am actually TOTALLY DONE with Glenn. It took a lot of research, but Glenn is fucking EXACT, okay, down to the right yankees ball cap.
Andrew's doing a Rick Grimes costume.
He's going for a more TV Grimes, and he totally handled his own details for the cop outfit and whatever. Apparently he tracked down a badge from the exact town. Whatever, sir: I COMMEND YOU.
However, he also wants to do a Rick Grimes progression ccostume. Uhhh.
So... I was tasked with
and later on Grimes gets his hand cut off, so I have to come up with a stump.
"Can it be bloody?" I asked, gleeful and hopeful.
"Uh," Andrew said, struggling for diplomacy.
"Jesus, no!" said my boyfriend, who knows me better, "You'll make it disgusting. No."
Pouts.
I haven't done this yet, BUT I HAVE A PLAN, and it's a real simple one, so that's okay, I think.
HOWEVER, THE HOSPITAL GOWN. Is a bitch.
The boys were all "front tie gown! we need a front tie gown!"
But all front tie gowns over overlap in the front.
DUDES: IT'S A NORMAL TIE GOWN. HE'S JUST WEARING IT BACKWARDS.
Think about it. You're a hospital. You want to cut some fucking costs and simplify shit. You want as few types of gowns as possible. Chest wound guy comes in? FLIP THAT SHIT AROUND. IT NOW TIES IN THE FRONT.
To make my case, I watched the scene where Grimes wakes up and falls out of his hospital bed. Over. And over. Until I could point out,
LOOK, SEE, WHEN HE FALLS ON HIS FACE YOU CAN SEE THE TIES, WHICH ARE IN THE USUAL PLACE. IT'S TOTALLY JUST A NORMAL GOWN.
So that's fine.
Except matching the print is a fucking bitch, and the boys have developed this sudden fetish for screen accuracy.
"Can't we just buy fabric?" my boyfriend asked wistfully, "and make a hospital gown?"
"We could," I said, "But not when we are making three other costumes from mostly scratch."
I am going as a zombie. I don't even care, bro. This is my gimme option. I own everything I need already. If you called me? And for whatever reason you needed me in zombie duds, like, RIGHT NOW? I could be like, "yeah, bro, give me ten minutes and I'll be right down. 15 if you want my latex and shit to be dry."
ZOMBIEboyband. Obviously.
Tess, if she shows up, is going as Michonne.
Luckily, Michonne is in civvies that are kind of punky. WHICH IS MOST OF TESS'S CLOSET. She even has the sword. The skirt's the only thing to make, but, like, hot damn--I want that skirt, and it'll be super easy. No problem.
HOWEVER.
ohmylordwhatthefuckingfuck.
HOW DID I AGREE TO THIS WHEN WE ONLY HAVE A MONTH LEFT?
LOOK AT FUCKING VOLSTAGG
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HOW DID I AGREE TO DO THIS AT AAAAALLLLL
Do you know who wants to go as Volstagg? My slim Asian boyfriend.
"Can you make a fatsuit?"
"Um. Theoretically?" and then because I hate admitting I don't know how to do shit, "I MEAN YES OF COURSE. BECAUSE I'M AWESOME."
"Great!"
ohshit.
Anyway, you may note that there are exactly no girls there. Yes. But Marvel Sif is boring. And it's the warriors three, not the warriors two and some chick.
So, uh.
I'm going as sexy Fandral.
That's the short one. The blond guy?
But I have gigantic (relative to my short fucking frame--no--actually, just fucking gigantic; last time I walked into a bra fitting I was told I could wear a 32 DD, and I ran out, like, on the verge of TEEARRRS. my single D is fine. thank you) tits and convincingly playing a guy is HARD.
Sooo...
I'm going to simultaneously wear a beard AND high heels.
And then meet Stan Lee. Who is at the con this year.
Hi, Stan. You're like a father to me. You raised me--well? Yes. Absolutely.
I AM ACTUALLY ALMOST DONE WITH THE FANDRAL COSTUME. I JUST NEED TO ADJUST THE SHIRT FIT AND ADD SOME FUR. My boots won't go up to my crotch, alas, like his do, but it's close.
So, like. I think about all this, and I feel pretty on top of shit. Glen, done. Grimes? Gown and stump. Michonne? One item to make, if any. Zombie? Psh. I live in readiness. I use the ben nye bruise palate as normal eyeshadow. Fandral? Nearly there.
Then I look at Hogun.
And then I look at Volstagg again.
And then I look at Hogun some more.
And then I look at Volstagg some more.
and then, Volstagg looks at me.
and then, I don't know, I CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP.
Strategy session for this tomorrow. Whew.
Or I could just run around in a yellow bra and my batman man panties and go NANANANANANA when everyone asks me where their costumes are.
Oh, and cosplay.
I missed last year's dragon con because--why was that? Oh, right: EMERGENCY FUCKING BRAIN SURGERY.
So, assuming a distinct lack of utter fucking catostrophy this year, I'll be up in Atlanta with my BF, his/our BFF Andrew (who is The Lancer of our party. The only-sane-man type of lancer. because boyfriend and I are off in crazy land, obviously), our other BFF Tess is probably coming, and, uh...
...is it bad that I don't remember everyone we invited to share our room? THERE'S LIKE TWO OTHER PEOPLE. WHO ARE THEY? WHO?
Whatever! I'll find out soon.
So yeah. Our main group themes are
1. The Walking Dead (comics and TV versions)
2. The Warriors Three/Thor/Marvel whatever
3. Slutty room party costumes (nothing will top me being body painted green, in blue leopard print string bikini, standing next to an eight foot tall Chewbacca. Alas: I peaked fn college.)
We are two asian guys and a hispanic girl, and probably also a black chick.
You may notice our themes there kind of are skewed towards white males.
WHATEVER.
Oh, I might also go as bikini Thor? Because why the fuck not. I'm not even in especially good shape for me. In fact, I am in what I consider bad shape for me, because I haven't been lifting weights.
BUT WHAT THE HELL. ANY EXCUSE TO NOT WEAR PANTS.
BF snagged the sole Asian role in TWD.
That's Glenn. Glenn is kind of a badass. I think BF would choose him anyway, but BF also favors costumes that let him walk around in normal clothes, snickering at everyone else foolish enough to don nosebleed heels/fursuits/etc. Two years ago he went as Amadeus Cho, and, wait, fuck, let's not even get into explaining that because I have a ferocious girl boner for Cho, radical boy genius.
Uhhh.
Where was I?
So, because comic!Glenn is running around in civves, of course BF wants a SUPER ACCURATE costume. I am actually TOTALLY DONE with Glenn. It took a lot of research, but Glenn is fucking EXACT, okay, down to the right yankees ball cap.
Andrew's doing a Rick Grimes costume.
He's going for a more TV Grimes, and he totally handled his own details for the cop outfit and whatever. Apparently he tracked down a badge from the exact town. Whatever, sir: I COMMEND YOU.
However, he also wants to do a Rick Grimes progression ccostume. Uhhh.
So... I was tasked with
and later on Grimes gets his hand cut off, so I have to come up with a stump.
"Can it be bloody?" I asked, gleeful and hopeful.
"Uh," Andrew said, struggling for diplomacy.
"Jesus, no!" said my boyfriend, who knows me better, "You'll make it disgusting. No."
Pouts.
I haven't done this yet, BUT I HAVE A PLAN, and it's a real simple one, so that's okay, I think.
HOWEVER, THE HOSPITAL GOWN. Is a bitch.
The boys were all "front tie gown! we need a front tie gown!"
But all front tie gowns over overlap in the front.
DUDES: IT'S A NORMAL TIE GOWN. HE'S JUST WEARING IT BACKWARDS.
Think about it. You're a hospital. You want to cut some fucking costs and simplify shit. You want as few types of gowns as possible. Chest wound guy comes in? FLIP THAT SHIT AROUND. IT NOW TIES IN THE FRONT.
To make my case, I watched the scene where Grimes wakes up and falls out of his hospital bed. Over. And over. Until I could point out,
LOOK, SEE, WHEN HE FALLS ON HIS FACE YOU CAN SEE THE TIES, WHICH ARE IN THE USUAL PLACE. IT'S TOTALLY JUST A NORMAL GOWN.
So that's fine.
Except matching the print is a fucking bitch, and the boys have developed this sudden fetish for screen accuracy.
"Can't we just buy fabric?" my boyfriend asked wistfully, "and make a hospital gown?"
"We could," I said, "But not when we are making three other costumes from mostly scratch."
I am going as a zombie. I don't even care, bro. This is my gimme option. I own everything I need already. If you called me? And for whatever reason you needed me in zombie duds, like, RIGHT NOW? I could be like, "yeah, bro, give me ten minutes and I'll be right down. 15 if you want my latex and shit to be dry."
ZOMBIEboyband. Obviously.
Tess, if she shows up, is going as Michonne.
Luckily, Michonne is in civvies that are kind of punky. WHICH IS MOST OF TESS'S CLOSET. She even has the sword. The skirt's the only thing to make, but, like, hot damn--I want that skirt, and it'll be super easy. No problem.
HOWEVER.
ohmylordwhatthefuckingfuck.
HOW DID I AGREE TO THIS WHEN WE ONLY HAVE A MONTH LEFT?
LOOK AT FUCKING VOLSTAGG
HOW DID I AGREE TO DO THIS AT AAAAALLLLL
Do you know who wants to go as Volstagg? My slim Asian boyfriend.
"Can you make a fatsuit?"
"Um. Theoretically?" and then because I hate admitting I don't know how to do shit, "I MEAN YES OF COURSE. BECAUSE I'M AWESOME."
"Great!"
ohshit.
Anyway, you may note that there are exactly no girls there. Yes. But Marvel Sif is boring. And it's the warriors three, not the warriors two and some chick.
So, uh.
I'm going as sexy Fandral.
That's the short one. The blond guy?
But I have gigantic (relative to my short fucking frame--no--actually, just fucking gigantic; last time I walked into a bra fitting I was told I could wear a 32 DD, and I ran out, like, on the verge of TEEARRRS. my single D is fine. thank you) tits and convincingly playing a guy is HARD.
Sooo...
I'm going to simultaneously wear a beard AND high heels.
And then meet Stan Lee. Who is at the con this year.
Hi, Stan. You're like a father to me. You raised me--well? Yes. Absolutely.
I AM ACTUALLY ALMOST DONE WITH THE FANDRAL COSTUME. I JUST NEED TO ADJUST THE SHIRT FIT AND ADD SOME FUR. My boots won't go up to my crotch, alas, like his do, but it's close.
So, like. I think about all this, and I feel pretty on top of shit. Glen, done. Grimes? Gown and stump. Michonne? One item to make, if any. Zombie? Psh. I live in readiness. I use the ben nye bruise palate as normal eyeshadow. Fandral? Nearly there.
Then I look at Hogun.
And then I look at Volstagg again.
And then I look at Hogun some more.
And then I look at Volstagg some more.
and then, Volstagg looks at me.
and then, I don't know, I CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP.
Strategy session for this tomorrow. Whew.
Or I could just run around in a yellow bra and my batman man panties and go NANANANANANA when everyone asks me where their costumes are.