ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS CLOWNS AND BATS AND GAY COWBOYS AND SOMETIMES MAYBE CYBER DOLPHINS.
Also: brief mentions of class warfare and liberal elite guilt, or: why I feel bad about wanting to fuck cowboys. Mostly I just talk about cowboys. But first:
SO FED UP FOR WRITING FOR EITHER ONE PERSON OR FOR A DYING FANDOM. GAAAH.
One of my strengths as a person, a real life person, is that I have this magnificent ability to often not give a fuck. It's also probably my greatest weakness, because it translates into a frequent disregard of rules/guidelines/protocol. It's also why I didn't curl up and die while immediately post-op, though.
BUT, I am also a total whore for positive regard, I guess? I DON'T KNOW. I feel snubbed by one person. WHATEVER. The problem with the Kurt Vonnegut "write for one person" thing is that when that person seems uninterested, you're just like, WHATWHYWHHHYYYY? WHY ISN'T LUCA DRUNKENLY AND SECRETLY JERKING OFF WITH AN UNSUSPECTING KANE ON THE PHONE WORTHY OF MORE PRAISE, WHYYY.
WHINE WHINE WHINE. I hate being needy.
Fiction things going on in my life: watched a bunch of movies this weekend, read Batman: Joker's Asylum Vol 2 (AMAZING), watched Brokeback Mountain for the first time finally, have developed huge raging lady boner for Ennis Del Marr and also fetish for denim jackets. I already had a mortifying thing for dudes that can say sentences that involve the word ain't in a convincing matter. Ain't as in "I ain't no queer," especially as practically the first thing you say to the dude you pounded in the ass the night before totally counts. My buttons: pressed.
I totally dated one of my exes because I was by turns fascinated and horrified by how he could say "baby girl, there ain't no way that [BLAH BLAH I'M NOT LISTENING TO ANYTHING YOU SAY AFTER THE SEXY COWBOY TALK BUZZWORDS], is there?" Also, he looked like the vampire Lestat, just a little shorter and more gym built. Take a moment to imagine this, please: the vampire Lestat is cowboy talking at you and has some serious fucking biceps. Imagine it. There.
BUT WHO CARES? You know what I want? A dog. Besides that, though? MY TUITION PAID OFF, but really, besides that: I want Brokeback Mountain fic that doesn't fucking suck. Internet, why are you failing me? Why?
Seriously, my ladyboner for Ennis Del Marr? It is raging.
As is my girl boner for Bats and Mistah J, but that's old news. Joker's Asylum couldn't have come into my life at a better time, though--I need to the kick to finish my two current short bat-projects, and fuck knows I have werewolf things to finish too. The Harley story in it is AMAZING. The Killer Croc story is very, very sad. The Riddler story is kind of shit, but who cares? It's the Riddler. I'm inherently uninterested.
ENNIS DEL MARR, PLEASE STOP BEING FICTIONAL AND MARRY ME SO WE CAN NOT HAVE BABIES AND I CAN TELL YOU TO RUN OFF WITH JACK TWIST, OKAY? I WILL SET YOU FREEEE. I JUST WANT YOU TO HAVE SEX WITH ME FIRST. MAYBE PLAY AROUND IN THE SNOW, I GUESS? I HATE SNOW. I'LL GO SLEDDING IF IT MAKES YOU SMILE, BUT CAN'T WE JUST STAY INSIDE AND HAVE SEX? And can you do that sexy repressed tight lipped not talking thing at me for a while? Point that glower in my general direction? Awesome, thanks. JUST MARRY ME, OKAY? LIKE YESTERDAY.
I actually feel way guilty about my hard on for cowboys because I feel like I am fetishizing the lower/uneducated classes and generally being a dickhole. But when the grocer says "condiment aisle," and Del Marr says "the what?" and the grocer says "ketchup" and then Del Marr is like, "thanks," I'm just like:
HHHNNNGGGHHHHHH. MMMMPPPHHHH.
And when he makes this worried little face when he hears the word "asphyxiated," that kind of implies he's never heard that before and he's totally guessing at what it means?
NNNNNNNNNNUUGHHHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.
What's hilarious about this is that in my day to day life I am all about the class warfare and all "FUCK THE RICH AND POSSIBLY THE OVERLY EDUCATED EXCEPT ME." And I am an overeducated asshole. Also my boyfriend is way more of one and also a fast talker and our lives, transcribed, would just be WALLS OF TEXT we send at each over while gesturing excitedly and standing a foot away from each other. WALLS. Of text. With frequent polysyllabic words and obscure literary allusions. I think we shut up during sex. Maybe? Sometimes.
I am basically dating grown up Doogie Howser! But that's awesome! Because Doogie Howser grown up is like NPH. Which is hot. So I win.
I WIN.
seriously Ennis, let's have really hot hot silent sex while you panic quietly when I break out the strap on and them maybe tell me this is totally wrong or something and then, I don't know, someone penetrates someone I don't even care just COME ON
Also, one of the movies I watched this weekend was Johnny Mnemonic. Cyber punk is awesome; definitely my genre. Dystopian themes = I AM THERE.
PS: Mentioning a martial (as in, martial arts) mindset also reminds me that at one point Ennis Del Marr kicks a man in the fucking jaw with his cowboy boos on and in the audience I'm just like UNNNFFFFFFF.
PPS: How I did I manage to never hook up with a guy who took a swing at me, honestly? It has to come down to luck because it's really not like my judgement is awesome. I'm attracted to mental instability and the possibility of violence, for fuck's sake!
PPPS: COWBOY BOOT TO THE FAAAAACE UNNNNFFFFFFFFFF FOREVER.
SO FED UP FOR WRITING FOR EITHER ONE PERSON OR FOR A DYING FANDOM. GAAAH.
One of my strengths as a person, a real life person, is that I have this magnificent ability to often not give a fuck. It's also probably my greatest weakness, because it translates into a frequent disregard of rules/guidelines/protocol. It's also why I didn't curl up and die while immediately post-op, though.
BUT, I am also a total whore for positive regard, I guess? I DON'T KNOW. I feel snubbed by one person. WHATEVER. The problem with the Kurt Vonnegut "write for one person" thing is that when that person seems uninterested, you're just like, WHATWHYWHHHYYYY? WHY ISN'T LUCA DRUNKENLY AND SECRETLY JERKING OFF WITH AN UNSUSPECTING KANE ON THE PHONE WORTHY OF MORE PRAISE, WHYYY.
WHINE WHINE WHINE. I hate being needy.
Fiction things going on in my life: watched a bunch of movies this weekend, read Batman: Joker's Asylum Vol 2 (AMAZING), watched Brokeback Mountain for the first time finally, have developed huge raging lady boner for Ennis Del Marr and also fetish for denim jackets. I already had a mortifying thing for dudes that can say sentences that involve the word ain't in a convincing matter. Ain't as in "I ain't no queer," especially as practically the first thing you say to the dude you pounded in the ass the night before totally counts. My buttons: pressed.
I totally dated one of my exes because I was by turns fascinated and horrified by how he could say "baby girl, there ain't no way that [BLAH BLAH I'M NOT LISTENING TO ANYTHING YOU SAY AFTER THE SEXY COWBOY TALK BUZZWORDS], is there?" Also, he looked like the vampire Lestat, just a little shorter and more gym built. Take a moment to imagine this, please: the vampire Lestat is cowboy talking at you and has some serious fucking biceps. Imagine it. There.
BUT WHO CARES? You know what I want? A dog. Besides that, though? MY TUITION PAID OFF, but really, besides that: I want Brokeback Mountain fic that doesn't fucking suck. Internet, why are you failing me? Why?
Seriously, my ladyboner for Ennis Del Marr? It is raging.
As is my girl boner for Bats and Mistah J, but that's old news. Joker's Asylum couldn't have come into my life at a better time, though--I need to the kick to finish my two current short bat-projects, and fuck knows I have werewolf things to finish too. The Harley story in it is AMAZING. The Killer Croc story is very, very sad. The Riddler story is kind of shit, but who cares? It's the Riddler. I'm inherently uninterested.
ENNIS DEL MARR, PLEASE STOP BEING FICTIONAL AND MARRY ME SO WE CAN NOT HAVE BABIES AND I CAN TELL YOU TO RUN OFF WITH JACK TWIST, OKAY? I WILL SET YOU FREEEE. I JUST WANT YOU TO HAVE SEX WITH ME FIRST. MAYBE PLAY AROUND IN THE SNOW, I GUESS? I HATE SNOW. I'LL GO SLEDDING IF IT MAKES YOU SMILE, BUT CAN'T WE JUST STAY INSIDE AND HAVE SEX? And can you do that sexy repressed tight lipped not talking thing at me for a while? Point that glower in my general direction? Awesome, thanks. JUST MARRY ME, OKAY? LIKE YESTERDAY.
I actually feel way guilty about my hard on for cowboys because I feel like I am fetishizing the lower/uneducated classes and generally being a dickhole. But when the grocer says "condiment aisle," and Del Marr says "the what?" and the grocer says "ketchup" and then Del Marr is like, "thanks," I'm just like:
HHHNNNGGGHHHHHH. MMMMPPPHHHH.
And when he makes this worried little face when he hears the word "asphyxiated," that kind of implies he's never heard that before and he's totally guessing at what it means?
NNNNNNNNNNUUGHHHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.
What's hilarious about this is that in my day to day life I am all about the class warfare and all "FUCK THE RICH AND POSSIBLY THE OVERLY EDUCATED EXCEPT ME." And I am an overeducated asshole. Also my boyfriend is way more of one and also a fast talker and our lives, transcribed, would just be WALLS OF TEXT we send at each over while gesturing excitedly and standing a foot away from each other. WALLS. Of text. With frequent polysyllabic words and obscure literary allusions. I think we shut up during sex. Maybe? Sometimes.
I am basically dating grown up Doogie Howser! But that's awesome! Because Doogie Howser grown up is like NPH. Which is hot. So I win.
I WIN.
seriously Ennis, let's have really hot hot silent sex while you panic quietly when I break out the strap on and them maybe tell me this is totally wrong or something and then, I don't know, someone penetrates someone I don't even care just COME ON
Also, one of the movies I watched this weekend was Johnny Mnemonic. Cyber punk is awesome; definitely my genre. Dystopian themes = I AM THERE.
PS: Mentioning a martial (as in, martial arts) mindset also reminds me that at one point Ennis Del Marr kicks a man in the fucking jaw with his cowboy boos on and in the audience I'm just like UNNNFFFFFFF.
PPS: How I did I manage to never hook up with a guy who took a swing at me, honestly? It has to come down to luck because it's really not like my judgement is awesome. I'm attracted to mental instability and the possibility of violence, for fuck's sake!
PPPS: COWBOY BOOT TO THE FAAAAACE UNNNNFFFFFFFFFF FOREVER.