It's 5 am and I'm awake.
Give me just a few minutes alone and I'm there at the cliff edge of despair, but the pills keep me from falling in, thank whomever. The people I thought loved me don't, and the ones who do can't always do it the way I'd like, and I for damn sure can't love me the way I should. Wish that when I get to thinking about the disappointments I've encountered that there was some way to just shut it off. It doesn't help to note that everyone is disappointed, no one gets the world they're promised, and we're supposed to just suck it up and wait patiently for some Heaven where it'll all be worth it. Well. I don't want to go there unless my memory gets wiped clean. And here I am again, talking about what I want. The ones I've loved and lost? Lost due to my selfishness, mostly. Just a ball of want, I am. How do you unwant? How do you stop missing? How to forget?