Tight rope walking without a net.
Ok so I haven't really been posting lately. That's what happens when you have kids, especially a very active 9 month old. Finally had to get a gate for our 5 ft opening between the LR and the kitchen (and the rest of the apt). She crawls faster than I can catch her, one minute she's playing with a ball the next ZOOM down the hall, good thing she likes to sit up and smile at me like HAHAHA CATCH MEEEE. She doesn't like the gate and shakes it back and forth and hollers MOM-MOM-MOM or DADADADADA (depending on who's outside it. I really do enjoy playing with her all day, but I feel the need to do something else during the day as well. As for going back to work the extra money would be nice, since we're not strapped for cash for once in our lives it's not a necessity that I go back to work full time, I could do part time. I enjoy working outside the home but at the same time when I think about it my stomach boils with anxiety and I feel queasy. I know it's mostly seperation anxiety, I had the same feelings when Ivy started day-care at 15 months. I was fine for a few weeks then I started having panic attacks after dropping her off on my way to work. When she was 3 or 4 it wasn't so bad, and I was ok going to work, but I still felt sick most of the time and ended up getting fired because I took too many sick days off (mine and Ivy's). Then she started school and I felt nervous (my kid in kindergarten ack!). Somehow I was much better than in the previous years and I was able to go back to work when she was in 1st grade and the problems I had were minor compared to years past. Which makes me wonder if I'll go through the same thing again with Rose. *sigh*
I have been sort of looking for work, but not seriously.
As for staying home, I sometimes feel like the only me time I get to myself is my 15 minutes in the shower (sometimes I get joined by a baby and a hubby outside the curtain, Rose and I play shower curtain peek a boo)and the few minutes here and there to go to the bathroom. Ahh..motherhood. It's not that Mick isn't helping out, he sometimes takes her to play as long as she'll stay with without going into major fit mode so I can nap or try to play my fav games on the computer. Plus Mick does work 6 days a week and I know he's exhausted when he gets home (after dealing with crazy customers, peddlers and his manager) so I let him get some time to do whatever when he's home. But I still feel like screaming for some Me time, besides the shower.
Sundays would be the best day for it, both girls are usually with thier grandparents so Mick and I both have time together, which is nice. But it's also his only full day off so it doesn't seem fair to ask him to do much more than a few things around the house and let him play or watch tv all day. During that time you would think I would do some hobby of mine, like soap-making or candles. But nope, I do what has to be done I'm paying bills, budgeting the next paycheck. Figuring out when we're gonna move and how much money we need to add to our savings to do so. I do laundry and some cleaning. Yes there is a sense of accomplishment of keeping up (mostly) on these things but I want to do fun things too! Not to say that Mick doesn't let me play on the computer when I ask too. (he's nice like that) It's just that the budget has to be done (I don't let Mick do the money anymore, oh he can make suggestions and do the spreadsheet check register but we leave the budget to me it's safer that way. trust me.) and by the time I get to playing I have to pump milk for Rose, then it's almost time for the girls to get home and it's not fun gaming for only 15 minutes. Hopefully Mick will find a better job with better hours(two days off please!), pay and benefits. Hopefully that will give Mick more time with Rose (as well as the rest of his family!) so she can get more time around him so she won't be so dependent on having mom around 24/7. (I can dream can't I?) as for me gettin to relax I really need to schedule that spa thing Mick got for me for Yule, that will help. All day spa....*drool*. Can't wait...but when can I go...that's the fun thing to figure out. Argh!!!
Can't help but feel like I'm trying to tight rope walk.
Someone get me a balancing pole.....and a net please...
I have been sort of looking for work, but not seriously.
As for staying home, I sometimes feel like the only me time I get to myself is my 15 minutes in the shower (sometimes I get joined by a baby and a hubby outside the curtain, Rose and I play shower curtain peek a boo)and the few minutes here and there to go to the bathroom. Ahh..motherhood. It's not that Mick isn't helping out, he sometimes takes her to play as long as she'll stay with without going into major fit mode so I can nap or try to play my fav games on the computer. Plus Mick does work 6 days a week and I know he's exhausted when he gets home (after dealing with crazy customers, peddlers and his manager) so I let him get some time to do whatever when he's home. But I still feel like screaming for some Me time, besides the shower.
Sundays would be the best day for it, both girls are usually with thier grandparents so Mick and I both have time together, which is nice. But it's also his only full day off so it doesn't seem fair to ask him to do much more than a few things around the house and let him play or watch tv all day. During that time you would think I would do some hobby of mine, like soap-making or candles. But nope, I do what has to be done I'm paying bills, budgeting the next paycheck. Figuring out when we're gonna move and how much money we need to add to our savings to do so. I do laundry and some cleaning. Yes there is a sense of accomplishment of keeping up (mostly) on these things but I want to do fun things too! Not to say that Mick doesn't let me play on the computer when I ask too. (he's nice like that) It's just that the budget has to be done (I don't let Mick do the money anymore, oh he can make suggestions and do the spreadsheet check register but we leave the budget to me it's safer that way. trust me.) and by the time I get to playing I have to pump milk for Rose, then it's almost time for the girls to get home and it's not fun gaming for only 15 minutes. Hopefully Mick will find a better job with better hours(two days off please!), pay and benefits. Hopefully that will give Mick more time with Rose (as well as the rest of his family!) so she can get more time around him so she won't be so dependent on having mom around 24/7. (I can dream can't I?) as for me gettin to relax I really need to schedule that spa thing Mick got for me for Yule, that will help. All day spa....*drool*. Can't wait...but when can I go...that's the fun thing to figure out. Argh!!!
Can't help but feel like I'm trying to tight rope walk.
Someone get me a balancing pole.....and a net please...