Man, I am so afraid that exactly this is going to happen to me. I haven't spoken to my mother since around 2003, as I think you know, and she too sent the occasional volley in my direction, trying to recreate what was a profoundly unhealthy and twisted relationship.
I don't think I knew you in 2006 so I hadn't read that original post about the severance. I know alllllll about the politely baffled judgements of others who find out that you're not speaking to your mother. The FAMILY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING drum is banged pretty hard in our culture, and even very kind people will sometimes insist that maybe you just didn't try hard enough to fix it. There's always that "Never? Are you sure?" raising of eyebrows. I've developed my own ways of dealing with that conversation but it's never completely easy or pleasant.
Even when I was telling one of my bosses about it yesterday morning, her response was, "Maybe she's better? Maybe she got better?" She really doesn't understand mental illness, even though her father, who adores me, and she haven't spoken since the day she announced her engagement to a divorced man.
I told her flat out, my mother's mental illness isn't something that can be "cured" or that she might be better now, based upon my once reading of the birthday card she sent me in July. It is still, really, all about her and her feelings and what she wants, with absolutely no acknowledgement of the many, many issues I have raised with her and asked her to address over the years. It really is all about making her feel better and never about my brokeness and her part in it at all. Ever.
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I hope you don't have to move.
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However, financial situation just became so much dicier.
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I don't think I knew you in 2006 so I hadn't read that original post about the severance. I know alllllll about the politely baffled judgements of others who find out that you're not speaking to your mother. The FAMILY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING drum is banged pretty hard in our culture, and even very kind people will sometimes insist that maybe you just didn't try hard enough to fix it. There's always that "Never? Are you sure?" raising of eyebrows. I've developed my own ways of dealing with that conversation but it's never completely easy or pleasant.
Sorry your new year started so abysmally.
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I told her flat out, my mother's mental illness isn't something that can be "cured" or that she might be better now, based upon my once reading of the birthday card she sent me in July. It is still, really, all about her and her feelings and what she wants, with absolutely no acknowledgement of the many, many issues I have raised with her and asked her to address over the years. It really is all about making her feel better and never about my brokeness and her part in it at all. Ever.
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