Not that it makes any difference, but I just wanted to say that I totally, wholeheartedly support your decision. I don't really get the idea that most people seem to have of family; a damaging relationship is a damaging relationship, whether it's with someone you're related to by blood or not, and the only sensible and reasonable response to a damaging relationship is to remove yourself from it.
You're a marvellous, strong, brilliant woman, and you owe her nothing. xxx
I don't know how to reply to some of the comments on my other entry, because I am not worried about her, it's not the fact that she might be sick or dying, but the fact that Scott thought it might have anything to do with me at this point. It's so goddamned frustrating. She almost fucking KILLED ME for fuck's sake.
Thank you for your support, I appreciate it more than you can ever know.
I totally agree with what Jess said, and totally support your decision. Why should you automatically run to see someone who has treated you so cruelly? What has she ever done to deserve you being kind to her? She's the one who fucked this up, not you.
And here's me cross-posting how much I envy people with mothers. And I'm lucky, because I used to have one. You've become this fantastic strong woman without that guidance, and I'm so sorry for your loss and lack of it, and I admire your choices.
I kept thinking of you as I wrote this. How difficult things have been with and without your mother, and how you've been growing as a person through your motherhood. I really admire you for your honesty with yourself and how you're coping with motherhood.
You know, mothers are a really big deal here. They feel sorry for me that I don't have babies of my own. The idea that someone would willingly disconnect from their family is absolutely beyond the pale. When people ask about my mother, I tell them she's dead. Otherwise it's too complicated, and socially, with our Vietnamese friends, they'd be very upset at the idea.
i freeze when people start asking questions that assume we've all got happy intact families. i think it's so hard when circumstances put you in another place.
Uppity Whore stopped all contact with her mother maybe ten years before she (the mother) died. she told me at least some of why she did it, and i guess i privately felt it was a bit harsh. what i take from that, though, is that you are right to not rehash it with everyone if you don't want to. nobody has a right to judge, and you know better than anyone what you've been through.
i'm sorry that you've been through it, though. i think you're incredibly strong and i know that in a situation like this it's impossible to not feel lonely and sad sometimes, but i have faith you can get through it.
I have to ask... HOW did you do it? Were your parents married? Did your Dad give you any grief? Other family members? You see, my mother is also "not stable". I, too, have never had a mother. I never "broke it off" because I just couldn't foresee the effect on my relationships with other family members. Now, I have a son to think about... And I really admire a person who had the brass fortitude to do what she felt healthiest and end that most socially lauded of relationships - the mother-daughter bond.
Yes, my parents were married. Shorter history, go here. Mom's been married and divorced three times. I'm from marriage #1. My Awesome Dad is ex-husband #3. Various mens before during and after all through those years.
So y'know, obviously, since he divorced her, and I stayed behind with him, My Awesome Dad didn't give me any shit about ... well, actually, he never expressed an opinion one way or another about me seeing my mom after she left. She insisted that as long as her daughter was living in his house that she still had a key to the house, but about a month after she left, I told him to change the locks. Heh
( ... )
You know, I remember reading about your first Christmas with the Sperm Donor and the horrible step-bitch and wanting to just cry with frustration at how you were treated.
You are absolutely amazing, and if I haven't said it before, I admire you like mad. Someday I hope to be as brave and as wise and as generous as you've turned out.
As for your mother, she has absolutely no right to expect anything from you. She was the one who forced you to build those protective walls around yourself, and they're there for a reason.
We've talked about this before, so you know that I support you, umpteen billion percent. Always have and always will, decades after I've gone to my grave and become dust
( ... )
You did what was necessary for yourself, no shame or blame attached to that. The awful thing is that you had to, to protect yourself from someone who only wants to hurt. Anyone who cares about you would see that and understand. I can only imagine what you had to go through to make that decision, but I completely support you.
I wish you could find a mother, or that I could share mine. I'm apparently a lot like her, or so says my dad. I do know how lucky I am, and I'm grateful for that every day.
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You're a marvellous, strong, brilliant woman, and you owe her nothing. xxx
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I don't know how to reply to some of the comments on my other entry, because I am not worried about her, it's not the fact that she might be sick or dying, but the fact that Scott thought it might have anything to do with me at this point. It's so goddamned frustrating. She almost fucking KILLED ME for fuck's sake.
Thank you for your support, I appreciate it more than you can ever know.
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You know, mothers are a really big deal here. They feel sorry for me that I don't have babies of my own. The idea that someone would willingly disconnect from their family is absolutely beyond the pale. When people ask about my mother, I tell them she's dead. Otherwise it's too complicated, and socially, with our Vietnamese friends, they'd be very upset at the idea.
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Uppity Whore stopped all contact with her mother maybe ten years before she (the mother) died. she told me at least some of why she did it, and i guess i privately felt it was a bit harsh. what i take from that, though, is that you are right to not rehash it with everyone if you don't want to. nobody has a right to judge, and you know better than anyone what you've been through.
i'm sorry that you've been through it, though. i think you're incredibly strong and i know that in a situation like this it's impossible to not feel lonely and sad sometimes, but i have faith you can get through it.
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And what we think of you is what we think of *you*, that you're an incredibly strong, smart and courageous woman, and a wonderful friend. xx
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Thank you for understanding what I've done and what I've had to do to get here.
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HOW did you do it?
Were your parents married? Did your Dad give you any grief? Other family members?
You see, my mother is also "not stable". I, too, have never had a mother. I never "broke it off" because I just couldn't foresee the effect on my relationships with other family members. Now, I have a son to think about...
And I really admire a person who had the brass fortitude to do what she felt healthiest and end that most socially lauded of relationships - the mother-daughter bond.
Reply
So y'know, obviously, since he divorced her, and I stayed behind with him, My Awesome Dad didn't give me any shit about ... well, actually, he never expressed an opinion one way or another about me seeing my mom after she left. She insisted that as long as her daughter was living in his house that she still had a key to the house, but about a month after she left, I told him to change the locks. Heh ( ... )
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You are absolutely amazing, and if I haven't said it before, I admire you like mad. Someday I hope to be as brave and as wise and as generous as you've turned out.
As for your mother, she has absolutely no right to expect anything from you. She was the one who forced you to build those protective walls around yourself, and they're there for a reason.
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I wish you could find a mother, or that I could share mine. I'm apparently a lot like her, or so says my dad. I do know how lucky I am, and I'm grateful for that every day.
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