ermmm... and a one and a two..
you know.... these last two days i've been trying to 'relax'
earlier this week all my body wanted to do was sleep, 17 hours with a really odd break for breakfast if you believe it, was the longest stretch. and i wondered what the fuck was wrong with me, i was just shutting down. i went to the library to study hoping that i'd stay awake there but it was just torturous. but this week i'm awake again. i read an old journal of my first week of class and then i thought, no fucking wonder. wow, that seems like a lot of work. it doesn't when it's actually taking place and you've no time to think about it. well, whatever, the shit starts up again soon. but maybe with this hindsight i can shake off the uneasy feeling i have when i'm not working my ass off.
i can't stand it, i feel like ... like not being worth the air i breathe i guess...
and there are so many people i'm indebted to and loved ones i want to look out for
oh boy! i'm getting too sappy for myself now, really.
but soon i will go and clean out the oven, and the bathroom sometime tomorrow morning and do some shopping for household needs downtown and then pick up the kiddos with li.
i was trying to read a bit of what i had written so far but i got sidetracked, but i'll get to writing soon enough. i definitely want to become a better writer,... not that i'd call myself a writer at all.... just presumptuous titles though, like artist, they're meaningless unless you can defend your position with a paycheck and still that's no proof of talent, so in the end that's meaningless too.
but still, it was nice chatting with my friend yesterday, odd girl but that's part of her charm. she made santa hats for her rats and showed me pics. they were adorable and she said they were surprisingly willing to wear them. she draws and draws whatever the fuck she pleases without any regard to what others might think, and if she does care then it certainly doesn't affect her production. it's an enviable trait.
and then of course my darling ... gods! amazing always! and if you haven't seen her stuff, well, too bad.
but yes, i need to create again because it feels like so much is bottled up. but it's embarrassing not being able to do something well, i think, esp. something that one claims to be passionate about at least.... *drool*... all the mistakes i make, i know i shouldn't be committing them. so, it's back to serious study in my work.
what the fuck was i doing in my art classes, then? just going through motions for the most part and learning some other fundamentals that i should now be able to apply consciously. at least my interest is alive again so that's good. we'll see..
i forget why i'm writing at all....
ah, yes, i need more drixerol. and to stop eating so much junk and probably never again have soda..*sigh* alas poor coke, i knew you well...
carthago delenda est!!!
as for after the 25th. classes start up again and i'll have ample opportunity to put some plans into motion. i hope i can. i've already signed up for six classes in college and one outside of it, but i don't know how i'll schedule in the lessons with the kids...hmmm. i'll be taking four studio classes, namely:
-watercolour, which i'm well acquainted with so it shouldn't be too difficult. maybe a few new brushes and some more paper will be all i need.
-graphic design concepts, which i'm totally clueless about, i don't even know how we'll approach whatever it is they're teaching..
-illustration, which i'm have weary of and half excited. i really hope i learn something worth while and the class lives up to it's name. and i'm also hoping i won't have to shell out too much $$$$
-etching and bookbinding, i spoke to the teacher and we'll be doing etching, and that is awesome, and then making little books bound all interestingly, and that fits into the greater scheme too perfectly.
and then advanced grammar, even though i don't need the elective credit i am interested in knowing proper english instead of bullshitting through it. also, it fits my plans well. and then biology because i'm required to take some core classes and i'd rather not take science for dummies I & II so bio and astronomy options are fortunately available. besides i rather liked bio before and astronomy is a wicked subject. and then japanese 5,6 at the good old japan society. i always feel so out of place there. i know i'm out of place nearly everywhere but i only really feel it there. eh... what's for it? i had really wanted to take the friday night class with miyashita but she went like a hot cake hahaahah. real pity but i don't want to abandon the language again.
in other news, i've re... well... i've discovered the benefits of the public library in my old age hahahaha ...and i realize i should update much more often than i do because i've apparently had much to say that i hadn't till now. *yawn*...*is off to clean the stove*
earlier this week all my body wanted to do was sleep, 17 hours with a really odd break for breakfast if you believe it, was the longest stretch. and i wondered what the fuck was wrong with me, i was just shutting down. i went to the library to study hoping that i'd stay awake there but it was just torturous. but this week i'm awake again. i read an old journal of my first week of class and then i thought, no fucking wonder. wow, that seems like a lot of work. it doesn't when it's actually taking place and you've no time to think about it. well, whatever, the shit starts up again soon. but maybe with this hindsight i can shake off the uneasy feeling i have when i'm not working my ass off.
i can't stand it, i feel like ... like not being worth the air i breathe i guess...
and there are so many people i'm indebted to and loved ones i want to look out for
oh boy! i'm getting too sappy for myself now, really.
but soon i will go and clean out the oven, and the bathroom sometime tomorrow morning and do some shopping for household needs downtown and then pick up the kiddos with li.
i was trying to read a bit of what i had written so far but i got sidetracked, but i'll get to writing soon enough. i definitely want to become a better writer,... not that i'd call myself a writer at all.... just presumptuous titles though, like artist, they're meaningless unless you can defend your position with a paycheck and still that's no proof of talent, so in the end that's meaningless too.
but still, it was nice chatting with my friend yesterday, odd girl but that's part of her charm. she made santa hats for her rats and showed me pics. they were adorable and she said they were surprisingly willing to wear them. she draws and draws whatever the fuck she pleases without any regard to what others might think, and if she does care then it certainly doesn't affect her production. it's an enviable trait.
and then of course my darling ... gods! amazing always! and if you haven't seen her stuff, well, too bad.
but yes, i need to create again because it feels like so much is bottled up. but it's embarrassing not being able to do something well, i think, esp. something that one claims to be passionate about at least.... *drool*... all the mistakes i make, i know i shouldn't be committing them. so, it's back to serious study in my work.
what the fuck was i doing in my art classes, then? just going through motions for the most part and learning some other fundamentals that i should now be able to apply consciously. at least my interest is alive again so that's good. we'll see..
i forget why i'm writing at all....
ah, yes, i need more drixerol. and to stop eating so much junk and probably never again have soda..*sigh* alas poor coke, i knew you well...
carthago delenda est!!!
as for after the 25th. classes start up again and i'll have ample opportunity to put some plans into motion. i hope i can. i've already signed up for six classes in college and one outside of it, but i don't know how i'll schedule in the lessons with the kids...hmmm. i'll be taking four studio classes, namely:
-watercolour, which i'm well acquainted with so it shouldn't be too difficult. maybe a few new brushes and some more paper will be all i need.
-graphic design concepts, which i'm totally clueless about, i don't even know how we'll approach whatever it is they're teaching..
-illustration, which i'm have weary of and half excited. i really hope i learn something worth while and the class lives up to it's name. and i'm also hoping i won't have to shell out too much $$$$
-etching and bookbinding, i spoke to the teacher and we'll be doing etching, and that is awesome, and then making little books bound all interestingly, and that fits into the greater scheme too perfectly.
and then advanced grammar, even though i don't need the elective credit i am interested in knowing proper english instead of bullshitting through it. also, it fits my plans well. and then biology because i'm required to take some core classes and i'd rather not take science for dummies I & II so bio and astronomy options are fortunately available. besides i rather liked bio before and astronomy is a wicked subject. and then japanese 5,6 at the good old japan society. i always feel so out of place there. i know i'm out of place nearly everywhere but i only really feel it there. eh... what's for it? i had really wanted to take the friday night class with miyashita but she went like a hot cake hahaahah. real pity but i don't want to abandon the language again.
in other news, i've re... well... i've discovered the benefits of the public library in my old age hahahaha ...and i realize i should update much more often than i do because i've apparently had much to say that i hadn't till now. *yawn*...*is off to clean the stove*