(no subject)
i went to auschwitz yesterday, but i don't really want to write about it and i didn't take any pictures. i don't understand how people could. we were passing families posing and smiling in front of barrocks in the camp... how can someone DO that.
i can't describe it. the feeling i get. being there is remembering enough, why do we have to turn everything into a tourist attraction?
there was a point that i was there, about 15 minutes in, where i just emotionally cut myself from all emotion and ability to grasp the power of the place i was in. after a while, you just pass through like everything is plastic-coated. it's not real. it's like you just stand there in that photograph from your high school history book, unable to imagine... anything.
i feel like i'm left standing there after i've had my lungs ripped out.. having this mentality where i'm not sure what's wrong with my body, but something isn't working, and i just haven't figured out which vital organ it is i'm missing. that feeling of being a gaping wound and knowing something is wrong.. but you haven't realized what it is yet.
it's something that no human mind could ever wrap around. what happened. when it happened. why it happened.
i'll be taking the next few days for recovery, i think. i don't really want to go out to pubs or clubs or parties for a little while. at least not til this weekend. i'm just so emotionally exhausted from something like that.
all my german friends want me to cook an "american thanksgiving" dinner. i just don't think i'm up for it.
i can't describe it. the feeling i get. being there is remembering enough, why do we have to turn everything into a tourist attraction?
there was a point that i was there, about 15 minutes in, where i just emotionally cut myself from all emotion and ability to grasp the power of the place i was in. after a while, you just pass through like everything is plastic-coated. it's not real. it's like you just stand there in that photograph from your high school history book, unable to imagine... anything.
i feel like i'm left standing there after i've had my lungs ripped out.. having this mentality where i'm not sure what's wrong with my body, but something isn't working, and i just haven't figured out which vital organ it is i'm missing. that feeling of being a gaping wound and knowing something is wrong.. but you haven't realized what it is yet.
it's something that no human mind could ever wrap around. what happened. when it happened. why it happened.
i'll be taking the next few days for recovery, i think. i don't really want to go out to pubs or clubs or parties for a little while. at least not til this weekend. i'm just so emotionally exhausted from something like that.
all my german friends want me to cook an "american thanksgiving" dinner. i just don't think i'm up for it.