Here's How Stupid I Am
So here's how stupid I am. I have been watching these Let's Play videos for games I don't even want to play. And it's not "Oh, well I don't really want to make the effort to play through this game, but I want to check out the story." Because the story sucks too.
I have watched, I wanna say, at least 2 hours of Metroid Other M, and it is the most horrible AAA title produced EVAR. And if not actually EVAR, older titles at least have the excuse that everything was shittier back then and they didn't know no better.
That's what bugs me the most about that game. Like, there is no valid reason why the game should be that bad. No "well, it's no budget with a 5th rate developer," or "the studio rushed it to get it out the door," or "made by Obsidian".
Watching movie mode, which is almost all cut scenes, the small snippets of gameplay look bad. Even only imagining just how God awful trying to switch back and forth between 3rd and 1st person seems, I could maybe see me forcing myself to play it just for the story (like I did for Dirge of Cerberus) but the story is the worst part of the game!
I've seen the comic posted on 4chan someone made where Samus Aran is pissing and shitting herself, and the response to "Why would you make her do this?" was "No, that's what Team Ninja did to her," and TRUER WORDS WERE NEVER SPOKEN. NEVER EVER NEVER!
I've absolutely mentioned before how much it sucked watching The Legend of Zelda cartoon as a kid and realizing how that silent protagonist you loved playing for hours and hours is really an obnoxious, kinda date-rapey douchebag, and Other M does the same thing but cranks it up to 11.
You're like "Aww man, Super Metroid was so awesome, and this even starts out recapping the end to Super Metroid and THAT's awesome! So, so,.... wait. Why is Samus Aran such a whiny bitch?"
I really, genuinely, honestly think there was some point in development where Nintendo checked in on Team Ninja and someone told them, "Looks good, can you just maybe not make her tits bounce around so much?" And they just fucking snapped. Like collectively, the lessening of Zero Suit titties made them have to reach deep down inside, and discover new ways of marginalizing women.
Which... mission accomplished. I'm not even saying Metroid Other M lessens Samus as a female protagonist. It lessens her as any kind of protagonist. There is not a single character, not a goddam one I say, that wouldn't be cooler to play in this game than her. She just spends the whole game sucking. And not in the good way.
I have watched, I wanna say, at least 2 hours of Metroid Other M, and it is the most horrible AAA title produced EVAR. And if not actually EVAR, older titles at least have the excuse that everything was shittier back then and they didn't know no better.
That's what bugs me the most about that game. Like, there is no valid reason why the game should be that bad. No "well, it's no budget with a 5th rate developer," or "the studio rushed it to get it out the door," or "made by Obsidian".
Watching movie mode, which is almost all cut scenes, the small snippets of gameplay look bad. Even only imagining just how God awful trying to switch back and forth between 3rd and 1st person seems, I could maybe see me forcing myself to play it just for the story (like I did for Dirge of Cerberus) but the story is the worst part of the game!
I've seen the comic posted on 4chan someone made where Samus Aran is pissing and shitting herself, and the response to "Why would you make her do this?" was "No, that's what Team Ninja did to her," and TRUER WORDS WERE NEVER SPOKEN. NEVER EVER NEVER!
I've absolutely mentioned before how much it sucked watching The Legend of Zelda cartoon as a kid and realizing how that silent protagonist you loved playing for hours and hours is really an obnoxious, kinda date-rapey douchebag, and Other M does the same thing but cranks it up to 11.
You're like "Aww man, Super Metroid was so awesome, and this even starts out recapping the end to Super Metroid and THAT's awesome! So, so,.... wait. Why is Samus Aran such a whiny bitch?"
I really, genuinely, honestly think there was some point in development where Nintendo checked in on Team Ninja and someone told them, "Looks good, can you just maybe not make her tits bounce around so much?" And they just fucking snapped. Like collectively, the lessening of Zero Suit titties made them have to reach deep down inside, and discover new ways of marginalizing women.
Which... mission accomplished. I'm not even saying Metroid Other M lessens Samus as a female protagonist. It lessens her as any kind of protagonist. There is not a single character, not a goddam one I say, that wouldn't be cooler to play in this game than her. She just spends the whole game sucking. And not in the good way.