(no subject)
Wow. It's been so long since I've had the boyfriend experience I forgot how wonderful it is. All the hand holding and little kisses. Now I really don't know what to do. fawk. Problem being that I totally love him. Nights like last night make it worse. He and I love the same things and have the same values in terms of family and what not. He even loves goats as much as I do. I want to have my own spa and he wants to open a bed and breakfast, (with goats) he also like bees, and thinks chickens are funny. These are not the qualities I tend to find in the general populace. He and I had a lot of drama in the last year and a half, but I can't not forgive him. I really don't hold anything against anyone. I figure we all have our lessons to learn in life and most lessons are not about rainbows. So, theres nothing to forgive because I don't think he did anything wrong.
But. Mel. How can I tell her that the night I met her I was wearing her boyfriends jacket, and that he was/is my boyfriend too. That when she climbed up my scaffold to see my "room" Jason's pants were there but she didn't notice them. That the leather cuff of Jasons she had on one night have my initials written in a secret place. That me and Jason really can't stay away from each other no matter how much we have fought, he will always call and I will always go. I miss her though. And more than any thing I hate really really hate myself for being the slightest bit dishonest. Jason says he's going to patch things up with her but that they can't have a relationship. But that he wants to have her in his life. I'm nervous because I know that I'm actually going to have to explain the whole thing to her and that she's going to be really really hurt. Not by what Jason's done, but by what I've done. I mean anything that transpired before I met her, doesn't count. But ummm Valentines day, and when she went to Hamilton....ahhh ya. I am totally in the wrong for that. Dirge.
But. Mel. How can I tell her that the night I met her I was wearing her boyfriends jacket, and that he was/is my boyfriend too. That when she climbed up my scaffold to see my "room" Jason's pants were there but she didn't notice them. That the leather cuff of Jasons she had on one night have my initials written in a secret place. That me and Jason really can't stay away from each other no matter how much we have fought, he will always call and I will always go. I miss her though. And more than any thing I hate really really hate myself for being the slightest bit dishonest. Jason says he's going to patch things up with her but that they can't have a relationship. But that he wants to have her in his life. I'm nervous because I know that I'm actually going to have to explain the whole thing to her and that she's going to be really really hurt. Not by what Jason's done, but by what I've done. I mean anything that transpired before I met her, doesn't count. But ummm Valentines day, and when she went to Hamilton....ahhh ya. I am totally in the wrong for that. Dirge.