Unbalanced by extension
My daughters' lives are in upheaval, and I'm finding myself quite unbalanced by this. They are not bad things - in fact they are Very Good Things. But they are changes, and change is kind of scary.
Erin is now engaged to her long-time boyfriend, Justin. They are aiming for a wedding next summer, but she is driving here tomorrow to participate in something of an East Coast rite of passage: Filene's Basement's Running of the Brides. 1400 high-quality wedding dresses at prices of $249, $499 and $699. Dresses that originally cost $900-$9000+. Yes, they have one of these right here in Cleveland. Friday morning we will get in line at some unholy hour and join in the melee.
Erin was pretty traumatized because it looked for a while like everyone who had committed to joining her in this adventure had dropped out and it was only going to be her and me. And I felt bad for her because she was feeling so hurt. There were good reasons why people couldn't come, but she still felt abandoned. We're back up to a team of 4 now, so we're good to go, but last night when she was texting me that she was crying on the subway, my heart just broke for her. It's hard to know your kids are hurting and have them too far away for cuddles. The transition from single to married is significant, and the rituals that go with it are important, and I hate being far away.
Meanwhile, Amy is on the road to college - quite literally. Today is the day her dad and stepmom drive her down to Maryland, and tomorrow she checks into her dorm.
I'm completely flipped out by this.
It's a combination of things. When Erin went to college, she had already attended boarding school and she ended up changing schools in her senior year, so she wasn't very attached to the kids with whom she graduated - all her good friends were from the boarding school and so were already scattered. Amy, on the other hand, has been going to school with the same kids since grade school. And many of her friends are not leaving home to go to college - they are attending a local community college or state college, so they will mostly be in the same area. To make matters worse? Her dad is moving away within the next few months, so she will not have her home there to go home to for breaks and summer.
She's being torn up by the roots. Her sister will still be in the area for a while, but her tiny apartment is not really the same, and Erin and Justin don't know where they are going once Erin finishes college in December.
Amy had to not only pack for college, she had to go through everything from her childhood and decide what to keep and what to discard. That's a huge amount of change to put on a kid. And because she decided, once I'd finished law school, that she wanted to keep living with her dad and go to high school there, I've been too far away to be anything but an abstract cheerleader.
I know she's finding the drive away from her entire growing up to be hard and painful. More than anyone else she knows, she really can't go home again, because home won't be there. Yes, an exciting new world awaits her, but right now she's caught up in the leaving, and the arriving is just an abstraction.
And I just feel useless to her. We will go out for Parent's Weekend in October because that's what we can do. But I hate feeling this helpless.
Erin is now engaged to her long-time boyfriend, Justin. They are aiming for a wedding next summer, but she is driving here tomorrow to participate in something of an East Coast rite of passage: Filene's Basement's Running of the Brides. 1400 high-quality wedding dresses at prices of $249, $499 and $699. Dresses that originally cost $900-$9000+. Yes, they have one of these right here in Cleveland. Friday morning we will get in line at some unholy hour and join in the melee.
Erin was pretty traumatized because it looked for a while like everyone who had committed to joining her in this adventure had dropped out and it was only going to be her and me. And I felt bad for her because she was feeling so hurt. There were good reasons why people couldn't come, but she still felt abandoned. We're back up to a team of 4 now, so we're good to go, but last night when she was texting me that she was crying on the subway, my heart just broke for her. It's hard to know your kids are hurting and have them too far away for cuddles. The transition from single to married is significant, and the rituals that go with it are important, and I hate being far away.
Meanwhile, Amy is on the road to college - quite literally. Today is the day her dad and stepmom drive her down to Maryland, and tomorrow she checks into her dorm.
I'm completely flipped out by this.
It's a combination of things. When Erin went to college, she had already attended boarding school and she ended up changing schools in her senior year, so she wasn't very attached to the kids with whom she graduated - all her good friends were from the boarding school and so were already scattered. Amy, on the other hand, has been going to school with the same kids since grade school. And many of her friends are not leaving home to go to college - they are attending a local community college or state college, so they will mostly be in the same area. To make matters worse? Her dad is moving away within the next few months, so she will not have her home there to go home to for breaks and summer.
She's being torn up by the roots. Her sister will still be in the area for a while, but her tiny apartment is not really the same, and Erin and Justin don't know where they are going once Erin finishes college in December.
Amy had to not only pack for college, she had to go through everything from her childhood and decide what to keep and what to discard. That's a huge amount of change to put on a kid. And because she decided, once I'd finished law school, that she wanted to keep living with her dad and go to high school there, I've been too far away to be anything but an abstract cheerleader.
I know she's finding the drive away from her entire growing up to be hard and painful. More than anyone else she knows, she really can't go home again, because home won't be there. Yes, an exciting new world awaits her, but right now she's caught up in the leaving, and the arriving is just an abstraction.
And I just feel useless to her. We will go out for Parent's Weekend in October because that's what we can do. But I hate feeling this helpless.