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So today I deleted my ancient high school blog. I hadn't posted over there since September 2005, which is about when I switched over to LJ. While I downloaded the blog before deleting it, I had considered just letting all of that data disappear. I don't think high school me would recognize me now, and that's a good thing. Stagnation is something that really bothers me, and I hope that in several years when I look back I will have grown just as much. I don't like high school me much, but I am pretty fond of how I am now. Hopefully I can look back on myself fondly in the future.
Ultimately I didn't delete the blog because I can't exactly delete how I was (though I can hide her in dropbox), and overall I wouldn't want to. Even if it is a bit embarrassing. Without that foundation, I couldn't be who I am now. I've come a long way from a rather close-minded, judgmental fundamentalist to someone that still suffers from foot-in-mouth syndrome from time to time but tries to check her privilege, accept people for who they are, and stand up for people who can't.
I was raised in an exceptionally racist, homophobic, anti-feminist rural Texan household, (okay, maybe not that exceptional given the area) and I still suffer from some of the latent biases it has left in me. Whenever I catch hold of one, I attempt to exorcise it and move on. I really enjoy going home to the ranch and seeing my parents, and if we can keep away from those particular topics, all is well. The upcoming election has made it much harder, and I usually get into arguments with them at some point. Neither of us will budge on our viewpoint, so it usually winds up with awkward silence and anger on my end.
I still go home, though, because it's better than sitting alone in Houston. I have met a few people, but haven't befriended anyone in medical school. I feel that apart from our common struggle to cram ALL the knowledge into our heads, I don't have much else to connect with them with. It's too bad because I know there are a lot of geeks and nerds in the class, but med school has taken over their lives, and a lot of the interests we may share have been replaced or put on the back burner. Besides that, I still want to be a Catholic priest as opposed to a clinician, so there's a pretty large gap in the base enthusiasm for medical school between me and the average student.
For those curious, I'm doing much better in medical school this semester. After the withdrawal effects of my meds wore off, a lot of my energy came back. I still have a lot of fatigue, but it's not as much as before, and I honestly think it's just depression-related. In other words, it's the sort I'm used to and know how to combat 7 times out of 10. I've been much more inclined to draw and write, and I had missed having creativity come naturally instead of having to force it out of guilt.
That's about it. This blog post has been brought to you by the deletion of another blog, as well as the sneaking suspicion that the ability to express myself outside of creative writing was disappearing entirely. (Articulation and written eloquence comes with practice, and my update record speaks poorly of me. >_>)
Ultimately I didn't delete the blog because I can't exactly delete how I was (though I can hide her in dropbox), and overall I wouldn't want to. Even if it is a bit embarrassing. Without that foundation, I couldn't be who I am now. I've come a long way from a rather close-minded, judgmental fundamentalist to someone that still suffers from foot-in-mouth syndrome from time to time but tries to check her privilege, accept people for who they are, and stand up for people who can't.
I was raised in an exceptionally racist, homophobic, anti-feminist rural Texan household, (okay, maybe not that exceptional given the area) and I still suffer from some of the latent biases it has left in me. Whenever I catch hold of one, I attempt to exorcise it and move on. I really enjoy going home to the ranch and seeing my parents, and if we can keep away from those particular topics, all is well. The upcoming election has made it much harder, and I usually get into arguments with them at some point. Neither of us will budge on our viewpoint, so it usually winds up with awkward silence and anger on my end.
I still go home, though, because it's better than sitting alone in Houston. I have met a few people, but haven't befriended anyone in medical school. I feel that apart from our common struggle to cram ALL the knowledge into our heads, I don't have much else to connect with them with. It's too bad because I know there are a lot of geeks and nerds in the class, but med school has taken over their lives, and a lot of the interests we may share have been replaced or put on the back burner. Besides that, I still want to be a Catholic priest as opposed to a clinician, so there's a pretty large gap in the base enthusiasm for medical school between me and the average student.
For those curious, I'm doing much better in medical school this semester. After the withdrawal effects of my meds wore off, a lot of my energy came back. I still have a lot of fatigue, but it's not as much as before, and I honestly think it's just depression-related. In other words, it's the sort I'm used to and know how to combat 7 times out of 10. I've been much more inclined to draw and write, and I had missed having creativity come naturally instead of having to force it out of guilt.
That's about it. This blog post has been brought to you by the deletion of another blog, as well as the sneaking suspicion that the ability to express myself outside of creative writing was disappearing entirely. (Articulation and written eloquence comes with practice, and my update record speaks poorly of me. >_>)