☯ 001 [video]
[The video opens on a face with a pair of blue eyes the color of the ocean, or the blue of a masterfully-cut sapphire, or the blue of the heavens around her, but with a much hotter, more exotic flame ablaze. She looks neutral for a second, and it almost seems like she's going to start yelling
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[Her face falls momentarily before she catches herself.]
Well -- ugh.
[She means that groan from the bottom of her heart, judging by the uncomfortable emphasis on her words. Suddenly she feels overcome by the urge to to reduce something to shreds to reassure herself.]
...It is important. To me, it is. I don't know, it's... there's always such a big stigma on it wherever you go, isn't there? No one can ever talk about it so openly. It's something really private and personal, and all that touching is supposed to be really intimate, and--
[Touko shudders with a wave of sudden nausea and pulls self-consciously on the brim of her cap. She has an inexplicably bad feeling about this...]
--It's stupid. If I ever did something like that, I liked to think it would be something important. Because I trusted that person, because I loved them enough to give them that last piece of myself. Not something I had to do because someone thought my life was fragile enough to force me into it.
[In an effort not to sound so uneasy, and to take the topic off herself a little:] ...Hah, well, you just never know with these things sometimes. Sometimes it's good to just take a step back and think about how weird the universe is.
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Yes. Twice, actually.
[he can't quite grasp why such news would afflict her mood for even a split-second but N has learned over time not to question why when it came to the capricious hero-- it was probably no different with touko.
N tries to take her words in but it's all black and white to him-- sex is just a means to produce eggs, or in the case of humans, babies, and that was all there was to it, right? and since their goal wasn't to produce babies or eggs here, there was little purpose backing the act and it seemed to just be a very sloppy series of formulas brought about between two humans.
very glamorous. it's safe to assume N just doesn't understand, having never been exposed to these stigmas or appraises regarding sex. he truly has no opinion on it thus far one way or the other.]
I suppose I can understand why it would be important to some, but I myself bear little interest or attachment to most ideas regarding sex. It's just a biological process to me, so I am afraid there is little I can say or do other than encourage you to do what you feel you are most comfortable with. There are others who feel similarly to you so you aren't alone.
But I agree, the Twelve are quite repugnant for thinking so lowly of our willpower.
[in an attempt to soothe her nerves, he offers touko a small smile.]
Challenging the heroes of Unova will be their undoing, eh? We will not be defeated here. I am sure there is a way out of this strange world.
[it's just a matter of...finding it. which N has not been able to do thus far, sadly.]
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Oh, she thinks dimly, that's where that feeling in the pit of my stomach is coming from...
...Well, better groundless hope than shattered dreams. Still, isn't it sort of... sad?
No. Step through this, Touko. Stop being a jealous idiot.]
Ah... I get it, hehe.
[The small laugh at the end of her acknowledgment is followed by a big smile as she releases his hands slowly. But it starts as a practiced smile. It's the one she uses as a deception. Cheren once called her on it a long time ago, she remembered faintly, even though it fooled Bianca most of the time; as he had been her friend for years and was very perceptive, he had learned to categorize all her expressions, and filed them away for later use.
"Learn to smile, Touko," he'd called to her curtly over his shoulder after a spat, "that one you're wearing stopped fooling me years ago."
It's a good mask, certainly, but it's ultimately betrayed by a lingering look of uncertainty in her eyes, even though it's gradually fading into something more sincere as she slowly regains her bearings. Even so, it lacks the fire from before...]
I have Samurott, in the end. Even leaving me with just him, it's a big mistake for them, and I won't be bound by their will as long as I have that hope. Without that hope, people just crumble and fall.
But I won't. I'll strike those gods right at the base of their pillar if I have to. I'll find that flaw in their design and tear it wide open!
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he wishes he could understand the nuances behind the small shifts in her smile-- the droplets of yang hiding within the yin it seems, but he doesn't. he's a pisces through and through though, so while the fish might see the secret with his own eyes, he won't say a word.]
You exude confidence. That's good. Not many here have that attitude.
[although N has heard suggestions of rebellion time and time again since the beginning of his stay here-- he still wants to believe there's a way out of here.]
I have Zoroark with me. Doubtless he'll be pleased to see Samurott again. The gods say we will need to strengthen our powers over time, so perhaps they are talking about our Pokémon in our case. If so, though, I do not want to be part of any of their plans should they potentially put our friends in danger.
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[She crosses her arms and grins. The warm candor is slowly returning.]
I don't know if we have to save the cosmos or not. But Samurott and I-- [a nod in his direction] --we're doing that we feel is best. That's all.
It's wrong to be keeping people here, no matter what they're being told to do. Keeping people in a pretty little container and fooling around with them for someone else's benefit...
--Well, fine. I'm in this position now, so I'll play for a while. But I dare one of these gods, or all of them at once -- try holding me down, if you can!!
[At that point, the intense, far-reaching flare in her gaze is back as it ever was, and even stronger than before -- that grin looks almost positively mad. Her words are mad, too, but she doesn't care.]
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I don't doubt you are capable of it. However...
[his expression softens.]
I have been here for quite some time myself and a few of the other people here have gone on expeditions. The gods are elusive and there doesn't appear to be an immediate way out. There aren't any leads, either.
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So?
[She sweeps one hand out in a wide gesture more symbolic than useful and grins, semi-endearingly, with a touch of mischief.]
Maybe the people here are too afraid to get in trouble with them, too afraid to get their hands a little dirty. If we can't go to them so easily because they're immaterial, we can try and make them come to us, even if it means provoking them.
[Perfectly blithely, with some bizarre twist of logic typical of her unpredictable nature:] Come on, don't be such a pessimist! I've never been wrong about this before, not once. There's always a way.
--Just keep hoping. If you think you can't, I have enough for both of us.
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[a thoughtful noise as he glances away for a moment.]
Come to think of it, I believe there are a few people whom I have not seen in quite some time. If they've disappeared, then obviously there's a way out of this place.
[but there's not much use thinking about it and he knows it. N can only soften his expression and shake his head.]
For now, it is simply a matter of waiting it out. The ruling god should be changing this month, and when he appears-- then we can ask our questions. Until then, I will believe alongside you with all my might.
[he even gives a nod to prove his conviction.]
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[A charming smile.]
You know, I knew there was a reason I liked you so much.
...But I think I should correct you on something.
[Then, the smile gains some strange, infinite understanding.]
I don't think you should be calling me a hero from now on.
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something is amiss though, and it's one secret this little fish will not dismiss so easily.]
What are you talking about? You are always a hero. Zekrom stands by you no matter what.
[right?]
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[It's useless to look unbearably sad about it. So Touko simply smiles, wryly -- how can she not, when she has that smile opposite her to chase away the doubt?]
...I let him go.
[She feels she needs to explain herself, somehow. Maybe she just takes too much comfort in the sound of her own voice, she thinks. She thinks N would understand even with just those simple words, but she follows up anyway.]
I couldn't do that to Zekrom. I wanted to be his friend, like you... not his keeper. But I also couldn't just store one of my other Pokemon indefinitely in favor of him, not when we'd gone through so much, all seven of us. That would be like stabbing whoever got the box treatment in the back.
So I told him we should go separate ways. But before that, I made him promise, if he ever found through some weird cosmic fortune telling or whatever legendary Pokemon are in-tune with that something would happen to me, or if I caught wind something was going to happen to him, or we just needed the help of a friend... we'd go back for each other right away.
[It's true that she should think that because she's here now, it's easy to assume Zekrom didn't keep his promise. But she doesn't believe that. Maybe it only means she's not in any danger right now, or it's some sort of trial he feels she should use to better herself...]
That was the best I could do for him, I think.
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thankfully that fear is quickly dispelled when he remembers the delighted flicker of life blazing in reshiram's eyes when he recalls the first time in aeons she was greeted with the sight of her missing half, truly her own essence in every way. N can't recall a pokémon ever looking as happy as reshiram did in that moment, and for good reason too. zekrom's strength was beyond impressive, the battle itself breathtaking, and even if the two of them lost, N still felt devoid of the crushing pressure of disappointment at having his life utterly ruined. if anything, he shared reshiram's feelings, her desire for pursuit.
it was a split-second of fear but he knows deep down zekrom should be fine.]
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You were right in your decision.
[when N returns to reality, he smiles at touko reassuringly.]
He's very strong, and very intelligent from what I heard him say. Perhaps even now, he's protecting Unova in our stead?
[a pause.]
I wonder what the current me who lives in your world has done with Reshiram. Does he sense that you have freed Zekrom? I hope so, so that he may free Reshiram as well, and she will then seek him out so that the two of them may finally be together without quarreling.
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I don't like to think of it as just "freeing" him, though. We're still tied, after all. A long time ago, I wouldn't have even thought of doing something like that. But it felt right.
Someday, maybe they'll find themselves again. I hope that someday comes soon for them both.
[Now, the smile on her face can only be described as purely fulfilled, no matter the reasons why.]
Well, that, and you had a bigger effect on me than I think you might ever know.
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They have been separated for many hundreds of years until now, right? Surely, they long for a time when they can be as they are meant to, free of battle, just two souls reveling in a feeling of completeness only they can give each other.
I would be happy to let her go. The both of them are finally free to move about as they wish, so it's only right that they be allowed to enjoy this freedom.
Even if he isn't by your side physically, Touko, Zekrom still chose you. He recognizes your strength and fortitude, and those blessings are not things that can easily vanish. You are still a hero, and nothing will change that.
[his smile softens at the thought and once again he thinks of touya. would it be proper to say she changed his life as well? it's a complex situation he's not quite ready to think about, and for right now he wants to enjoy touko as she is, no preexisting longings tying him down.]
That's pleasing to hear, though.
[a nostalgic look overcomes him as he thinks for a moment, wonders what would be appropriate to share and what wouldn't. for now, N decides to continue shouldering the weight of the world in silence, continuing to cling to these happy times.]
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[Why, then, she wonders briefly, did they do it in the first place? Sealing themselves away so fully so that nothing and no one could get through to them...
But she already knows the answer somehow. They had their own heroes, before N and herself. The brothers, wasn't it? Like them, born of the same origin. Maybe, because people aren't built to stand the test of time like a Pokemon revered as a deity, they closed up and slept, to try and escape the despair of being left behind, of having lost that other half. It was unfortunate, to be so crushed by something so natural and inevitable, but that way, they could dream of those times, instead, relive that fleeting happiness over and over and over again.
...Surely, they were happy to have the emotional capacity to go on again, too, to stand with their own strength. Touko grins sincerely.]
Maybe I am, if you think so. I'm happy I could be one, at least for a while, because it brought me so many things I didn't have before.
[And then she looks at his wistful expression as his his eyes darken and turn inward to look at something only he can see, and decides to stand on her toes to try and level out the height different and meet his gaze more closely. She can't hide the small smile-smirk that tugs at her lips.]
--Hey, N. If you have something else you want to say, say it. Don't think I can't see you drowning yourself in your own thoughts there.
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