War Journal Entry number 1010 - Life Update
A few months back I went for another position in the department because where I'd been I was just accumulating responsibilities and needed to break it off. I was burnt out as fuck and all the requests for backups or distribution of work were never high priority. Replacing me entailed training four different people for four different roles to cover what all I was doing. Finally got training done and not only was I getting started into my new position but I even had some time to start cleaning my desk. Seriously, I still had printed call reviews for someone who left the company three years ago.
Then the person whom I'd trained in the most time consuming, most hectic, most grinding and disheartening role was injured playing sports and is out for two months. Guess who has to cover it. I'll give you a hint, it's somebody totally burnt out with the BS of sales people. For the last 15 years or so, way too much of my life, I've had to be constantly working closely with sales people and I fucking hate (most) sales people. It's the BS, you see, I have a very low tolerance for bullshit and that is pretty much a prerequisite for working in sales. I get how important what they do is, and I try to keep professional, but the mindset that they'll treat you like a best friend for only as long as they are dealing directly with you, and then be total shit otherwise wears me down. If they seriously appreciate the work I put in helping them then how about listening when I expressly lay out what I need from them. Like I said, burnt out.
Fucking sports. Fucking injuries. I'm very intentionally trying to keep any and all resentful feelings towards my coworker squelched. She certainly didn't do it on purpose, and is a totally solid worker who I sincerely believe will do a better job at the position than I did. But I'm so exhausted and there's still maybe a month and a half to go before she's back. It'll be rough.
Sigh.
Much sighs.
Trying to keep in mind good things.
My partner is awesome as always, and I have a spectacular anniversary gift in the works for her. Shhhh, it's a secret.
I have a super adorable outfit coming in from Black Sheep Latex; it's currently going through the Chicago mail hub right now. I swear it takes things longer to get through customs in Chicago than it takes to get from Europe to Chicago. Super excited about this and if the quality is as good as it looks online then there's a LOT more from the maker that I'll be getting. Oh my squee, yes!
In other good news that I need to keep in mind, there's been the beginnings of other flirtings, that's always nice. But with the work situation it's a really bad time for such additional mental efforts and I've already let things drop a little long. Keeping up with friends is hard, especially when my only response to how I am will be "exhausted." I really don't like to be constantly complaining which is one reason why I often drop a lot of communication when things are rough.
You can't tell but I paused a moment there to try to come up with another good thing. For many years I felt very alone, even with friends it all felt superficial and I never felt like I fit in. I still rarely feel like I belong anywhere but that's another topic. The point I was moving towards is that for quite a while I felt like my mom was the only one who cared about me. But now not only do I have my partner but I have a number of friends who I feel genuinely like and care about me. That's something worth remembering and appreciating.
Then the person whom I'd trained in the most time consuming, most hectic, most grinding and disheartening role was injured playing sports and is out for two months. Guess who has to cover it. I'll give you a hint, it's somebody totally burnt out with the BS of sales people. For the last 15 years or so, way too much of my life, I've had to be constantly working closely with sales people and I fucking hate (most) sales people. It's the BS, you see, I have a very low tolerance for bullshit and that is pretty much a prerequisite for working in sales. I get how important what they do is, and I try to keep professional, but the mindset that they'll treat you like a best friend for only as long as they are dealing directly with you, and then be total shit otherwise wears me down. If they seriously appreciate the work I put in helping them then how about listening when I expressly lay out what I need from them. Like I said, burnt out.
Fucking sports. Fucking injuries. I'm very intentionally trying to keep any and all resentful feelings towards my coworker squelched. She certainly didn't do it on purpose, and is a totally solid worker who I sincerely believe will do a better job at the position than I did. But I'm so exhausted and there's still maybe a month and a half to go before she's back. It'll be rough.
Sigh.
Much sighs.
Trying to keep in mind good things.
My partner is awesome as always, and I have a spectacular anniversary gift in the works for her. Shhhh, it's a secret.
I have a super adorable outfit coming in from Black Sheep Latex; it's currently going through the Chicago mail hub right now. I swear it takes things longer to get through customs in Chicago than it takes to get from Europe to Chicago. Super excited about this and if the quality is as good as it looks online then there's a LOT more from the maker that I'll be getting. Oh my squee, yes!
In other good news that I need to keep in mind, there's been the beginnings of other flirtings, that's always nice. But with the work situation it's a really bad time for such additional mental efforts and I've already let things drop a little long. Keeping up with friends is hard, especially when my only response to how I am will be "exhausted." I really don't like to be constantly complaining which is one reason why I often drop a lot of communication when things are rough.
You can't tell but I paused a moment there to try to come up with another good thing. For many years I felt very alone, even with friends it all felt superficial and I never felt like I fit in. I still rarely feel like I belong anywhere but that's another topic. The point I was moving towards is that for quite a while I felt like my mom was the only one who cared about me. But now not only do I have my partner but I have a number of friends who I feel genuinely like and care about me. That's something worth remembering and appreciating.