War Journal Entry number 997 - Macho
I always feel guarded around heterosexual cis men. As soon as I find out that someone is gay, bi, trans, or in some other way queer then I relax a bit. One of the reasons that the Ice Balls essay on The Tusk resonated with me is that men do have it rough too, but you shouldn’t pity them because they are the ones that are making it difficult on each other. Men are the source of the problems, the expectations, and the values with which men find themselves burdened. (Women, on the other hand, get policed on how they fit gender roles by both men and women, so it is even more difficult on them.) (And while men are sometimes policed by women, well, where do you think the women got those ideas about gender roles?)
All of the positive qualities of manliness that I can think of are just simply positive qualities for ANY human being. Gender isn’t a factor. That’s why I have no desire to be considered “a good man.” Instead I want to be thought of as “a good person.” Likewise I don’t care about accusations that I’m not “a real man.” (I acknowledge I have it easy as I present as acceptably masculine and am rarely challenged on it.)
The qualities that are most exclusive to men, to being a so-called “real man,” are wrapped up in machismo. Machismo is, at its most crass and obvious, frat-boy culture: the condescension, the hazing, and the perpetual (to the point of pathological) need to test others and one’s own “manliness.” It can be more subtle, but basically it’s the reaffirmation of classic gender roles and that shit is not good for any of us.
And of course this is where the logical fallacies of the Scott Aaronsons (*see below) of the world fall apart. As self-identified “sensitive nerds” that are beset by the “jocks” and “Neanderthals,” they are being victimized by the agents of machismo, of the patriarchy. But instead of directing their anger at the establishment that creates the expectation that they enjoy sports, don’t show emotion, and are dominant, they become resentful that women don’t do what they want them to do. Just where is the empathy in their self-identified sensitivity? This is why nobody respects the “Nice Guy” - he’s a clueless tool, just as much a user of machismo and perpetuator of the patriarchy as he is a victim of it.
http://www.newstatesman.com/laurie-penny/on-nerd-entitlement-rebel-alliance-empire
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/12/mit-professor-explains-the-real-oppression-is-having-to-learn-to-talk-to-women/
But anyway, yeah, dudes. I just don’t fit in with those guys and find it really weird when they consider me one of them.
All of the positive qualities of manliness that I can think of are just simply positive qualities for ANY human being. Gender isn’t a factor. That’s why I have no desire to be considered “a good man.” Instead I want to be thought of as “a good person.” Likewise I don’t care about accusations that I’m not “a real man.” (I acknowledge I have it easy as I present as acceptably masculine and am rarely challenged on it.)
The qualities that are most exclusive to men, to being a so-called “real man,” are wrapped up in machismo. Machismo is, at its most crass and obvious, frat-boy culture: the condescension, the hazing, and the perpetual (to the point of pathological) need to test others and one’s own “manliness.” It can be more subtle, but basically it’s the reaffirmation of classic gender roles and that shit is not good for any of us.
And of course this is where the logical fallacies of the Scott Aaronsons (*see below) of the world fall apart. As self-identified “sensitive nerds” that are beset by the “jocks” and “Neanderthals,” they are being victimized by the agents of machismo, of the patriarchy. But instead of directing their anger at the establishment that creates the expectation that they enjoy sports, don’t show emotion, and are dominant, they become resentful that women don’t do what they want them to do. Just where is the empathy in their self-identified sensitivity? This is why nobody respects the “Nice Guy” - he’s a clueless tool, just as much a user of machismo and perpetuator of the patriarchy as he is a victim of it.
http://www.newstatesman.com/laurie-penny/on-nerd-entitlement-rebel-alliance-empire
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/12/mit-professor-explains-the-real-oppression-is-having-to-learn-to-talk-to-women/
But anyway, yeah, dudes. I just don’t fit in with those guys and find it really weird when they consider me one of them.