(no subject)
last night i experienced something i never want to again. it was the most terrifiying thing i have experienced in my whole life.
i was at church in the evening, the service had just finished and i was in a really good mood, so i stood up to move to go talk to people and i went really dizzy, now that doesnt bother me because i get that every single time i stand up cos of my blood pressure being low, normally i will just wait for it to wear off and carry on cos it normally lasts for about 30 seconds so its no big deal, but last night its stayed, so i just carried on waiting. unfortunatly my lungs/chest decided to do there little thing of really hurting, so much so that its hard to breathe, so there i am the world is spinning and i cant breath properly, but again im just doing the usual of trying to take deep but even breaths, only of course it wasnt working so im getting slightly panicky by then. then what really got me and sent me into a full panick attack was when it fell like all the air around me dissappeared, so did everything else in the area around me, it was like nothingness, it was really close to me like a second skin, i could still tell everything was there but my brain wasnt exactly functioning properly cos it felt like there was nothing there. it scared the shit out of me, i could hear amy and izzi around me but if i had tried i dont think i cold of said where they were, it was just voices coming out of a cloud. the panick really set in i felt like i was guna suddenly buckel, i remeber amy or izzi saying sometthing about sitting down and i am so suprised that i didnt fall. i would of sat down but i had no control ofver what i was doing, all i could think about was breathing, i was taking huge breaths but it still felt like there was no oxygen reaching me. i was so sraced, but somehow i managed to get enough control over myself to walk, i made it outside with amys help but every step i took i felt more and more like i was just going to pass out, if it wasnt for amy i dont think i would of made it to sit on a wall outside.
by that time i was a bit more in control, i was still finding it hard to breath but the fear of it happening again or just continue for any longer was what helped. i was so scared. i was shaking uncontrolbly, as if i was freezing cold, but i was actually boiling hot. one of the things that scared me most is i had no idea why it happened, it wasnt brought on by being claustraphobic, it wasnt cos i was really angry, or anything. i distinctly rember before hand feeling really happy. i eventually calmed down but i was shaky for the rest of the evening, i made myself go really bouncy and happy cos otherwise i would of just ended up in a courner rocking back and forth partly because of the difficulty to stay upright and partly cos i was just so scared.
it truely was frightening. and im sorry to amy and izzi who had to see it, it cant of been all that fun to watch.
also thankyou amy for looking after me, it meant so much my to me, i dont think i could of pulled my self out without your help, so thankyou *hugs*
i was at church in the evening, the service had just finished and i was in a really good mood, so i stood up to move to go talk to people and i went really dizzy, now that doesnt bother me because i get that every single time i stand up cos of my blood pressure being low, normally i will just wait for it to wear off and carry on cos it normally lasts for about 30 seconds so its no big deal, but last night its stayed, so i just carried on waiting. unfortunatly my lungs/chest decided to do there little thing of really hurting, so much so that its hard to breathe, so there i am the world is spinning and i cant breath properly, but again im just doing the usual of trying to take deep but even breaths, only of course it wasnt working so im getting slightly panicky by then. then what really got me and sent me into a full panick attack was when it fell like all the air around me dissappeared, so did everything else in the area around me, it was like nothingness, it was really close to me like a second skin, i could still tell everything was there but my brain wasnt exactly functioning properly cos it felt like there was nothing there. it scared the shit out of me, i could hear amy and izzi around me but if i had tried i dont think i cold of said where they were, it was just voices coming out of a cloud. the panick really set in i felt like i was guna suddenly buckel, i remeber amy or izzi saying sometthing about sitting down and i am so suprised that i didnt fall. i would of sat down but i had no control ofver what i was doing, all i could think about was breathing, i was taking huge breaths but it still felt like there was no oxygen reaching me. i was so sraced, but somehow i managed to get enough control over myself to walk, i made it outside with amys help but every step i took i felt more and more like i was just going to pass out, if it wasnt for amy i dont think i would of made it to sit on a wall outside.
by that time i was a bit more in control, i was still finding it hard to breath but the fear of it happening again or just continue for any longer was what helped. i was so scared. i was shaking uncontrolbly, as if i was freezing cold, but i was actually boiling hot. one of the things that scared me most is i had no idea why it happened, it wasnt brought on by being claustraphobic, it wasnt cos i was really angry, or anything. i distinctly rember before hand feeling really happy. i eventually calmed down but i was shaky for the rest of the evening, i made myself go really bouncy and happy cos otherwise i would of just ended up in a courner rocking back and forth partly because of the difficulty to stay upright and partly cos i was just so scared.
it truely was frightening. and im sorry to amy and izzi who had to see it, it cant of been all that fun to watch.
also thankyou amy for looking after me, it meant so much my to me, i dont think i could of pulled my self out without your help, so thankyou *hugs*