(no subject)
Visine is saving my life these days.
I held it together for most of the day.
And now I'm home to deal with this void that has appeared. And the thought, circling my brain, that I finally, finally dared, took a risk, after all these years and I should have won, I should have won. I don't deserve this. I've waited too long. I was meant to win and be happy and rewarded for taking a chance that reason said was wrong but my heart said was right.
I need to watch a movie but everything has a happy ending. And frankly I'm not in the mood for happy endings. They're bullshit. They don't exist.
Don't worry, for those still playing along, I shall recover my usual spirits. But it's hard to see through these clouds right now.
I held it together for most of the day.
And now I'm home to deal with this void that has appeared. And the thought, circling my brain, that I finally, finally dared, took a risk, after all these years and I should have won, I should have won. I don't deserve this. I've waited too long. I was meant to win and be happy and rewarded for taking a chance that reason said was wrong but my heart said was right.
I need to watch a movie but everything has a happy ending. And frankly I'm not in the mood for happy endings. They're bullshit. They don't exist.
Don't worry, for those still playing along, I shall recover my usual spirits. But it's hard to see through these clouds right now.