(no subject)
death is stupid. i don't understand why she can't just sit up and partake in the family discussion. it doesnt make any sense in my head. i just can't seem to grasp the idea that there will be a definitive "last time" you will ever lay eyes on somebody. i was totally expecting her to say bye to me after i left...like she had every time before that. with a big hug and a kiss. and a see you later sweetheart.i wish there was more time but i guess that you will always wish for more. i left in january and she hugged me goodbye and told me to have a nice time in florida...i can't tell her about my new job. i cant tell her that i loved her and that i will miss her because she is already gone. i came as fast as i could but it wasnt fast enough. if it were only a couple hours later. this whole thing just doesnt fit in my head...