[DCAU - Batman Beyond] Chaotic Sleepover
Christmas fic for 1jobonthisship. ♥ I hope you like it, darling.
Title: Chaotic Sleepover
Fandom: DCAU [Batman Beyond]
Universe: Name TBD
Relationship: Platonic friendship between Rachel Dawes, Charlie Gage-Radcliffe, Max Gibson, and Bree Drake
Summary: It's a girl's night in! With bad movies and smack talk about our favorite boys! So, of course, the boys crash-land and make everything even MORE awkward.
Disclaimer: Noah, Bree, and Ash're about the only characters who belong to me. Everything else belongs to DC Comics, okay? I'm borrowing them for a fun fanfic.
Stephanie should've guessed trouble from the moment her Aubrey - her stubborn, hard-headed Bree - asked for a sleepover on a Friday night. Tim had no objections, not with his perfect civilian Bree, but Noah? Was completely a different story. He came up to his mom, sighing and protesting, "Do I have to leave? It's not like I don't want them to come, but I don't want to spend the night elsewhere either..."
Stephanie glared at him with all her might, "Yes. Yes you do."
With reluctance, Noah snagged his belongings and moved to Damian's place for the evening. However, he didn't leave before lightly bopping his sister on the head and remarking, "Give Char my warmest regards, okay, kiddo?"
Aubrey swatted at her brother's arm, "Whatever. Like you'd actually talk to her. You'd probably just snog the whole evening."
"Would not!" Noah called off before he sped up his motorcycle and disappeared into the night. Aubrey watched him for a few minutes before pulling the window curtains shut. She walked to the den, passing by Dad's junk from work, and inspected the set-up twice. Her mom and dad didn't know what to make of Bree's sleepover invitation to college kids - her normal, high school friends were out of town! - but Bree didn't mind.
The Batfamily was schway. Batgirl - Charlie - could bounce halfway across the world just for takeout. (She'd already done it twice, when it was just Bree and Charlie.) Then there was Max, their technosavvy genius... and who could forget Jason's girlfriend Rachel? Rachel had pretty much nailed the Batfamily down - and like Jay, she worked to keep the Batfam out of the law books - and it was pretty much a given that she'd arrive at these kinds of functions.
Fluffing the pillows one last time, Bree took a deep breath and smiled. "It'll be perfect."
"That it will," Her father smiled at her. Ruffling her hair ("Daaaaad! I spent all day on that!"), he chuckled, "Your friends'll be quite jealous when they return from that leadership seminar."
"Right?" Bree grinned, echoing her father's smile. "I'll enjoy tonight. Thanks for sticking around and holding the fort."
"I don't mind," Tim nodded, now walking upstairs. Stopping on the fifth step, he leaned down to her, "Steph and I had a in-house movie night planned. ... Plus a game or two, if we've enough time."
Bree rolled her eyes, "You'd better not be thinking of Twister."
Tim gave her a sly look, "So? Batgirl and Oracle'll be here. They can get a doctor faster than anyone else in town."
"Don't forget---" Wait. Bree stared at him, "You know?"
"A Robin never loses his touch," Tim smirked. "Don't forget that the next time you try to sneak out."
Bree sighed and miserably watched her dad climb the staircase. Fathers! They always said the worst things at the worst possible moments! Heaving a disgruntled sigh, she folded her arms and watched the front door. So much for thinking that Dad wouldn't know! Honestly, some nights, he was worse than Uncle Dick. (And Uncle Dick had grandkids! Who were actually pretty darn adorable.)
The doorbell rang - FINALLY! - and Bree sprinted to answer it. "Hey, Rachel," She beamed, holding the door open to let her through. "So glad you could make it!"
"Same," Rachel grinned, leaning in to hug her younger friend. "I would've gotten here on time, but Jay had to distract me."
Bree rolled her eyes as she ushered Rachel in, "Was he teasing you about having nothing better to do again? I could get Carrie on your case..."
"She's already on it," Rachel confessed, sheepishly shrugging as she set her duffel bag in an empty corner. Sitting on a couch as gracefully as possible, she smoothed her skirt. "The moment Carrie found out that Jay was giving me a hard time, she instantly supported me. It's like they're the old married couple."
Snorting, Bree handed Rachel a set of Blu-Ray discs, "Except their divorces would exceed the limit, even in soap opera land. So pick something! You're the lucky one 'cause you came first."
Something in the air cracked. In that instant, Charlie jumped down onto the couch and wedged herself ungracefully between the two girls. Beaming at them, Charlie wrapped her arms around their shoulders, "Hi guys! Guess what I brought?"
Bree crossed her fingers, "Please don't say parrots, please don't say parrots...."
Charlie gave Bree a quizzical look, "Not after Noah threw a fit. How was I supposed to know he didn't want a pet parrot?"
"Because it's common sense?" Rachel offered weakly.
Bree nodded in agreement, "Most girlfriends don't buy their boyfriends a real parrot." After a moment, she waved her index finger in the air to amend, "And don't think about snogging him 'cause he's not here. I banished him to Damian's house." (Banishment to Damian's house didn't sound as bad as it actually was: the Razems were loud, boisterous, and the antithesis of everything the Wayne Manor - the Batfamily - stood for.)
Charlie looked horrified, "You didn't! How's Noah going to survive the hookah?!"
"By... saying no when they smoke it?" Rachel blinked. "He'll be fine; he's with Jay."
Now standing up and facing them, Charlie put her hands on her hip. For a moment, Bree swore that Rachel was going to get an angry talk about boyfriends and Jay and hookahs and bratty Damian--- but then the doorbell interrupted them. Bree jumped to her feet and opened the door to let Max in.
"Hey," Bree breathlessly greeted. "Welcome!"
"Yay!" Charlie tossed her hands in the air as she jumped. "Now we can get this party started!" Without giving anyone a chance to react, she draped her hands around her Oracle.
Max laughed, squeezing Charlie's wrists, "Sorry I'm late."
"You're just on time," Rachel dismissed it, glancing over her shoulder to see her friends, "Sooo... how do you feel about bad chick flicks?"
"Can we flick popcorn at the screen?" Max smirked mischievously as she claimed Noah's favorite leather chair. "Because I'd so be up for that."
"If we clean it..." Bree said quietly. No one paid much mind to her warning as Charlie disappeared in a puff of smoke - and reappeared moments later with a box of Boy Scouts popcorn - and Rachel and Max gleefully picked the most offensive chick flick they could find.
Well. At least it hadn't quite descended into mass chaos yet.
Not even two hours had passed before Noah decided to escape. The moment he reached the front door, however? It was slammed in his face by an unwary lawyer. Walking into the Razems' living room, he then glanced back at the flailing Noah and raised an eyebrow.
"Weird," The lawyer commented, snickering, "I didn't even plan it that time."
Holding a hand over his nose, Noah grimaced, "Haha, very funny. Why're you so late, anyway?"
Before the lawyer could answer, a black-haired kid jumped onto the lawyer's back and latched his hands around the guy's neck, "Jay had one of those child drug cartel cases. He called ahead and said he'd be late."
"Oh," Noah blinked. Somehow, the legitimate reason gave his older cousin - Jason - more wiggle room than normal. And Noah hated him even more for it.
Glancing back at the door, Jason raised an eyebrow as he gave the kid a proper piggyback ride, "Leaving already? Did Damian's folks already break out the hookah?"
"Mom finally threw it out," Damian responded, letting his head rest on Jay's shoulders. "Said it'd make everyone addicted. Giddo1 wasn't too happy, but Giddo rarely visits anyways."
Noah folded his arms and rested his back against the door. "Can you blame me for leaving? This is Damian's family we're talking about. McGinnis and Sharif've been fighting over the TV for like... a full half-hour; Damian hasn't even bothered to do ANYTHING; and I think Ash already broke something."
"... So, it's business as usual," Jason remarked ("HEY! I ONLY BROKE THE REMOTE!") after a moment of silence.
Glumly, Noah hung his head, "Pretty much."
"On the upside," Damian remarked, glancing back towards the den, "At least he didn't break a bone or cartilage or a body part."
"True," Jason laughed, still keeping an eye on Noah. ".... You planning to crash their party?"
How did he--- was he psychic--- In the end, Noah decided that he probably didn't want to know how Jason deduced things. Chalking it up to 'lawyer logic,' Noah grumbled, "Maybe. It's less of a madhouse there."
Damian opened his mouth, thought about it for a second, and then promptly closed it. Jason snickered at his surrogate brother.
"MCGINNIS! GIVE ME BACK MY FREAKING REMOTE!"
"YOU SUUUUUUUURE? I COULD JUST---"
"---MCGINNIS! ZIFT! 2"
Something large crashed in the den. Damian winced, "That's not gonna be pretty to clean up."
Noah instantly reached towards the doorknob. No way was he sticking around here, even if they DID eliminate the hookah and spicy Dawabi food. "Have fun explaining that mess!" He called, playfully saluting them as he opened the door.
"... Wait." Damian narrowed his eyes as he climbed off Jason. "I'm not sticking around either."
Jason sighed, "You guys couldn't even give me five minutes?"
Damian and Noah exchanged glances before Noah reluctantly pointed a finger at his older cousin. "... Okay, fine. Five minutes. BUT NO MORE."
Bree could've sworn she heard something outside the window. Sitting on her knees, she pulled the curtain back and glanced at the grass below her. Huh. No one was there. Didn't she just hear--- nah. It couldn't be the boys. She'd even given Noah the death sentence.
"You know, why does the girl always take him back?" Rachel was saying to Max. "Even if he is Patrick McDreamy, he's still not Nice Guy of the Year."
Charlie blinked, "Couldn't we ask you that? You're dating Jason."
Immediately, Rachel's face turned red as she rested her chin under her pillow. "Jay's different. He's not... really like them."
Amused, Max rose from her seat and grabbed some pretzels, "Of course not. Because Jason's a law-abiding citizen who'd never become a vigilante under any circumstances."
Charlie and Bree exchanged amused glances before laughing out loud. Rachel frowned, but even she couldn't help giggling along with Max and the others. "Okay, okay," She managed to say in-between bursts of laughter. "F-f-fine! Jay's kinda like them!"
"Much better," Bree snorted, absentmindedly playing with Rachel's locks. "Soooo... what do you guys wanna do now? I don't really feel like watching Teen Mom or I Didn't Think I Could Get Pregnant..."
"No idea," Charlie shrugged, lying upside down on the loveseat. Kicking her legs against the back of the chair, she let her hair touch the ground, "I'm thinking I should grab some Chinese soon. Or do you guys feel like Indian?"
"Chinese works," Max laughed. "... Oh god, you know, that reminds me of the time Damian and Terry fought over who'd get the last fortune cookie."
Bree leaned forward to hear, "You mean they didn't bring enough for everyone?"
"Nah, they did," Max grinned, crossing her legs, "But Terry and Damian wanted two cookies."
"You're kidding me," Rachel snorted. "They fought over a fortune cookie."
Charlie weighed the options in her hands. Closing her eyes, she remarked, "Actuallllllly... considering Damian and Boss're twips to each other about everything, fortune cookies aren't too hard to imagine. Did they fight with lasers?"
Everyone started at Charlie. Opening an eye, Charlie lazily asked, "What? It's trueeeee."
Bree heard more rustling outside the window. She jumped and stared outside again. "... That's weird," She whispered, folding her arms. Max came behind her and inspected the window.
"You heard something?" Max questioned, opening it and peeking her head outside. (Rachel and Bree held the curtain back.) "Because I don't see anything."
"Ooh!" Charlie jumped up. In a puff of smoke, she vanished. Bree grimaced, holding her sleeve above her mouth. Jeez! Trust Charlie to impulsively run off and find the source of the noise before everyone else---
"Did something happen?" Tim called from the stairwell.
Bree shook her head, "Nothing, Daddy. Go back to Twister."
Tim's voice sounded way too eager, "Who said we were playing Twister?"
"Ugh," Max wrinkled her nose. "Unnecessary Infodump, Mr. Drake!"
Rachel rose from the couch and opened the front door. "I so didn't need to hear that," She remarked. "And here I thought our movie was ridiculously contrived..."
"Mom's life could make a Lifetime Movie," Bree rolled her eyes, following Rachel outside. "Complete with Dad being her Knight in Shining Armor--"
"---Don't you mean Robin in Shining Armor?" Rachel giggled. After a moment, she rested her back against the door frame. "Actually, didn't you want to tell me about that guy in school you liked?"
Bree waved her hands wildly in front of her, "A-ah, it's totally fine! Ives can wait another day."
"No way," Rachel grinned, pushing Bree back inside. "I want all the details on this Sebastian Ives. Who is he, how'd you meet... you know, the basics."
A bush suspiciously growled. Really loudly. Glancing over her shoulder, Rachel blinked, "Huh. What was that?"
If Bree didn't know better, she would've--- "I don't know," Bree furrowed her brow. "Maybe a raccoon?"
"Raccoons don't growl."
Another puff of smoke, and Charlie appeared before them with two full paper bags of Chinese takeout. "Sorry, guys," She apologized, "But the people in Hong Kong were totally rude! I ended up heading downtown to grab something from Eat Yum."
Apparently, all the good Chinese restaurants in Neo-Gotham had names that made absolutely no sense to the average person. Bree swore that most of them were probably on Rae3 when they named their establishments. (The sad part is, she probably wasn't far off from the truth.)
"They weren't dregs to you, were they?" Max asked as Charlie set the food on the coffee table. Kneeling, Max then opened the bags and got the plastic silverware on the table. "Because if they were---"
"---Nothing happened," Charlie promised, marking her chest with a cross sign. "Though I did see Ash on the roof."
Bree blinked. "... On the roof?"
That was weird: Ash Grayson had been part of the "banished clique" to Damian's house. (Nevermind that Ash, Noah, and Jason - in the same house - always spelled trouble. Noah and Jason usually duked it out a la Star Wars... and poor, poor Ash usually got a broken bone. Or two. Or three.) What was he doing on their roof?
Oblivious, Charlie nodded, "Yeah! I think he might've been trying to not break a bone, 'cause he was all, 'CHARLIE, YOU DIDN'T SEE ME'---" Her eyes widened as realization suddenly dawned on her. "OH. You guys don't think.... do you...?"
"Probably," Bree grumbled, helping herself to some chow mein. "He might've wanted an early ride to the ER. Best way to get away from the guys, if you ask me."
In retrospect, Bree'd taken the "wrong conclusion" train to its not-so-logical end. Silenced by Charlie's news - and Chinese food, of course - the four girls sat on the ground and mindlessly watched the latest episode of Teen Mom.
"Is this girl for real?" Rachel frowned. "I can't believe anyone would just run from her parents like that..."
"Apparently," Max shook her head in dismay. "And with her hunting boyfriend too. What a catch."
Not even Charlie could fail to catch the sarcasm dripping from every word. In their banter, none of them heard the rather... unusual sounds from the second floor. At first, Bree mistook them for her parents' game - they did sound like moans of pleasure - but after a couple of minutes? There was absolutely no way her parents amused themselves that violently.
Charlie stared up at the ceiling, "What the heck's going on here?"
"Your guess's as good as mine," Rachel followed her friend's gaze. "Maybe they---"
And that's when the ceiling caved in. Barely avoiding the sudden debris, the girls jumped back and watched a large chunk of the ceiling crash onto the coffee table - and their beloved Chinese food! It almost wedged itself onto the floor. Groaning, five boys lay on top of the debris.
"... That's one way to end in the ER," Max remarked, staring at the sudden loss of their dinner.
Rachel's palm met her face, "Jason. You promised me you'd stay out of trouble tonight."
Jason opened one eye lazily as he slowly - and painfully - sat up, "This isn't my definition of trouble," He insisted, glancing at his four younger charges. "The boys didn't want to stick around and clean up the mess at the Razems..."
"Oh, so you have to make an even worse mess of my house?" Bree retorted, glaring at her surrogate brothers. (For once, Noah didn't feel the full wrath of his kid sister.) "Come on, Jay!"
"Hey!" One black-haired boy remarked as he cheerfully got up. Avoiding the debris, he then waved his arms and inspected himself for damage. "I STILL haven't broken anything."
"Congratulations, Ash," Noah miserably replied, wriggling his feet. "I think the rest of us made up for your personal best."
"A-agreed," The teenager beside him groaned. "I can't even get up."
"B-Boss!" Damian called as he kneeled beside the teenager. "Don't even joke like that! The old man'll have our hide---"
"---And you think we wouldn't?"
Oh. Oh Crap.
The entire room turned and stared to face two frowning adults. Barely dressed, Stephanie and Tim still managed to intensely glare at the nine teenagers - two of whom were barely in puberty. Yet again, Bree thanked God that looks couldn't kill. (She meant it this time too!)
Pulling down her long shirt, Stephanie growled, "BOYS. CLEAN THAT DEBRIS. NOW."
Terry swung his arms around Noah's and Jason's shoulders as he got up, "Y-yes m'am. Cleaning right now."
Everyone else exchanged amused glances. Huh. So Terry McGinnis could listen to authority figures after all! Just when Damian was about to open his mouth, Terry shot his apprentice a glare.
"Just wait," He mouthed before shooting Tim an innocent smile.
Tim leaned against the stair rail, "You all have a lot of explaining to do. Terry, if you'd please...?"
Taking the rail, Terry winced as he slowly walked up the staircase with Tim. Even though their words were whispered, everyone could still catch snippets of conversation.
"-- what do you mean, it looked harmless---"
"-- didn't think they'd actually follow through---"
Once they were completely out of sight, Damian's shoulders sank. "... Ya Allah. This isn't how I wanted to spend my weekend."
"This isn't how any of us wanted to spend our Friday night," Noah quipped. Heading to the pantry, he tossed out every single cleaning instrument - including the mops, vaccuums, and buckets - to those that remained. "How was I supposed to know it'd end this way?"
"Uh, common sense?" Bree stood on her tip-toes and poked her brother's forehead. "Most boyfriends don't crash their girlfriends' slumber parties."
Noah shot Charlie an apologetic glance, "Sorry."
"... I'm not the one you should be apologizing to." Charlie sheepishly smiled.
Rachel laughed, "Doesn't she know it."
Well, Bree knew her friends would be jealous of this evening. She just didn't expect their jealousy to stem from... oh, her ceiling crashing in the middle of an episode of Teen Mom and nearly killing her and her friends during a slumber party! Even if it had been totally ruined, Bree couldn't say that she totally had been expecting a peaceful night.
Damian and Noah still competed over "who'll clean the floor first"; Ash and Max swapped stories about Dr. Grayson and the ER; and even Rachel and Jason shared a romantic moment or two as they helped free the coffee table from its dusty grave.
Maybe it'd descended into mass chaos sooner than she'd liked, but... considering who her family was? Bree shouldn't have expected any different.
1 Giddo: Arabic word meaning "maternal grandfather."
2 Zift: Future slang meaning "idiot" in Arabic. Traditionally used among kids of Arab descent. In the present day, it's a loanword meaning "shit." (AKA DON'T USE THIS IN POLITE COMPANY.)
3 Rae: Future slang meaning a "hallucinogen drug" that's taken to make oneself happier. It's basically Neo-Gotham's way of saying "what the heck were you smoking?"
Title: Chaotic Sleepover
Fandom: DCAU [Batman Beyond]
Universe: Name TBD
Relationship: Platonic friendship between Rachel Dawes, Charlie Gage-Radcliffe, Max Gibson, and Bree Drake
Summary: It's a girl's night in! With bad movies and smack talk about our favorite boys! So, of course, the boys crash-land and make everything even MORE awkward.
Disclaimer: Noah, Bree, and Ash're about the only characters who belong to me. Everything else belongs to DC Comics, okay? I'm borrowing them for a fun fanfic.
Stephanie should've guessed trouble from the moment her Aubrey - her stubborn, hard-headed Bree - asked for a sleepover on a Friday night. Tim had no objections, not with his perfect civilian Bree, but Noah? Was completely a different story. He came up to his mom, sighing and protesting, "Do I have to leave? It's not like I don't want them to come, but I don't want to spend the night elsewhere either..."
Stephanie glared at him with all her might, "Yes. Yes you do."
With reluctance, Noah snagged his belongings and moved to Damian's place for the evening. However, he didn't leave before lightly bopping his sister on the head and remarking, "Give Char my warmest regards, okay, kiddo?"
Aubrey swatted at her brother's arm, "Whatever. Like you'd actually talk to her. You'd probably just snog the whole evening."
"Would not!" Noah called off before he sped up his motorcycle and disappeared into the night. Aubrey watched him for a few minutes before pulling the window curtains shut. She walked to the den, passing by Dad's junk from work, and inspected the set-up twice. Her mom and dad didn't know what to make of Bree's sleepover invitation to college kids - her normal, high school friends were out of town! - but Bree didn't mind.
The Batfamily was schway. Batgirl - Charlie - could bounce halfway across the world just for takeout. (She'd already done it twice, when it was just Bree and Charlie.) Then there was Max, their technosavvy genius... and who could forget Jason's girlfriend Rachel? Rachel had pretty much nailed the Batfamily down - and like Jay, she worked to keep the Batfam out of the law books - and it was pretty much a given that she'd arrive at these kinds of functions.
Fluffing the pillows one last time, Bree took a deep breath and smiled. "It'll be perfect."
"That it will," Her father smiled at her. Ruffling her hair ("Daaaaad! I spent all day on that!"), he chuckled, "Your friends'll be quite jealous when they return from that leadership seminar."
"Right?" Bree grinned, echoing her father's smile. "I'll enjoy tonight. Thanks for sticking around and holding the fort."
"I don't mind," Tim nodded, now walking upstairs. Stopping on the fifth step, he leaned down to her, "Steph and I had a in-house movie night planned. ... Plus a game or two, if we've enough time."
Bree rolled her eyes, "You'd better not be thinking of Twister."
Tim gave her a sly look, "So? Batgirl and Oracle'll be here. They can get a doctor faster than anyone else in town."
"Don't forget---" Wait. Bree stared at him, "You know?"
"A Robin never loses his touch," Tim smirked. "Don't forget that the next time you try to sneak out."
Bree sighed and miserably watched her dad climb the staircase. Fathers! They always said the worst things at the worst possible moments! Heaving a disgruntled sigh, she folded her arms and watched the front door. So much for thinking that Dad wouldn't know! Honestly, some nights, he was worse than Uncle Dick. (And Uncle Dick had grandkids! Who were actually pretty darn adorable.)
The doorbell rang - FINALLY! - and Bree sprinted to answer it. "Hey, Rachel," She beamed, holding the door open to let her through. "So glad you could make it!"
"Same," Rachel grinned, leaning in to hug her younger friend. "I would've gotten here on time, but Jay had to distract me."
Bree rolled her eyes as she ushered Rachel in, "Was he teasing you about having nothing better to do again? I could get Carrie on your case..."
"She's already on it," Rachel confessed, sheepishly shrugging as she set her duffel bag in an empty corner. Sitting on a couch as gracefully as possible, she smoothed her skirt. "The moment Carrie found out that Jay was giving me a hard time, she instantly supported me. It's like they're the old married couple."
Snorting, Bree handed Rachel a set of Blu-Ray discs, "Except their divorces would exceed the limit, even in soap opera land. So pick something! You're the lucky one 'cause you came first."
Something in the air cracked. In that instant, Charlie jumped down onto the couch and wedged herself ungracefully between the two girls. Beaming at them, Charlie wrapped her arms around their shoulders, "Hi guys! Guess what I brought?"
Bree crossed her fingers, "Please don't say parrots, please don't say parrots...."
Charlie gave Bree a quizzical look, "Not after Noah threw a fit. How was I supposed to know he didn't want a pet parrot?"
"Because it's common sense?" Rachel offered weakly.
Bree nodded in agreement, "Most girlfriends don't buy their boyfriends a real parrot." After a moment, she waved her index finger in the air to amend, "And don't think about snogging him 'cause he's not here. I banished him to Damian's house." (Banishment to Damian's house didn't sound as bad as it actually was: the Razems were loud, boisterous, and the antithesis of everything the Wayne Manor - the Batfamily - stood for.)
Charlie looked horrified, "You didn't! How's Noah going to survive the hookah?!"
"By... saying no when they smoke it?" Rachel blinked. "He'll be fine; he's with Jay."
Now standing up and facing them, Charlie put her hands on her hip. For a moment, Bree swore that Rachel was going to get an angry talk about boyfriends and Jay and hookahs and bratty Damian--- but then the doorbell interrupted them. Bree jumped to her feet and opened the door to let Max in.
"Hey," Bree breathlessly greeted. "Welcome!"
"Yay!" Charlie tossed her hands in the air as she jumped. "Now we can get this party started!" Without giving anyone a chance to react, she draped her hands around her Oracle.
Max laughed, squeezing Charlie's wrists, "Sorry I'm late."
"You're just on time," Rachel dismissed it, glancing over her shoulder to see her friends, "Sooo... how do you feel about bad chick flicks?"
"Can we flick popcorn at the screen?" Max smirked mischievously as she claimed Noah's favorite leather chair. "Because I'd so be up for that."
"If we clean it..." Bree said quietly. No one paid much mind to her warning as Charlie disappeared in a puff of smoke - and reappeared moments later with a box of Boy Scouts popcorn - and Rachel and Max gleefully picked the most offensive chick flick they could find.
Well. At least it hadn't quite descended into mass chaos yet.
Not even two hours had passed before Noah decided to escape. The moment he reached the front door, however? It was slammed in his face by an unwary lawyer. Walking into the Razems' living room, he then glanced back at the flailing Noah and raised an eyebrow.
"Weird," The lawyer commented, snickering, "I didn't even plan it that time."
Holding a hand over his nose, Noah grimaced, "Haha, very funny. Why're you so late, anyway?"
Before the lawyer could answer, a black-haired kid jumped onto the lawyer's back and latched his hands around the guy's neck, "Jay had one of those child drug cartel cases. He called ahead and said he'd be late."
"Oh," Noah blinked. Somehow, the legitimate reason gave his older cousin - Jason - more wiggle room than normal. And Noah hated him even more for it.
Glancing back at the door, Jason raised an eyebrow as he gave the kid a proper piggyback ride, "Leaving already? Did Damian's folks already break out the hookah?"
"Mom finally threw it out," Damian responded, letting his head rest on Jay's shoulders. "Said it'd make everyone addicted. Giddo1 wasn't too happy, but Giddo rarely visits anyways."
Noah folded his arms and rested his back against the door. "Can you blame me for leaving? This is Damian's family we're talking about. McGinnis and Sharif've been fighting over the TV for like... a full half-hour; Damian hasn't even bothered to do ANYTHING; and I think Ash already broke something."
"... So, it's business as usual," Jason remarked ("HEY! I ONLY BROKE THE REMOTE!") after a moment of silence.
Glumly, Noah hung his head, "Pretty much."
"On the upside," Damian remarked, glancing back towards the den, "At least he didn't break a bone or cartilage or a body part."
"True," Jason laughed, still keeping an eye on Noah. ".... You planning to crash their party?"
How did he--- was he psychic--- In the end, Noah decided that he probably didn't want to know how Jason deduced things. Chalking it up to 'lawyer logic,' Noah grumbled, "Maybe. It's less of a madhouse there."
Damian opened his mouth, thought about it for a second, and then promptly closed it. Jason snickered at his surrogate brother.
"MCGINNIS! GIVE ME BACK MY FREAKING REMOTE!"
"YOU SUUUUUUUURE? I COULD JUST---"
"---MCGINNIS! ZIFT! 2"
Something large crashed in the den. Damian winced, "That's not gonna be pretty to clean up."
Noah instantly reached towards the doorknob. No way was he sticking around here, even if they DID eliminate the hookah and spicy Dawabi food. "Have fun explaining that mess!" He called, playfully saluting them as he opened the door.
"... Wait." Damian narrowed his eyes as he climbed off Jason. "I'm not sticking around either."
Jason sighed, "You guys couldn't even give me five minutes?"
Damian and Noah exchanged glances before Noah reluctantly pointed a finger at his older cousin. "... Okay, fine. Five minutes. BUT NO MORE."
Bree could've sworn she heard something outside the window. Sitting on her knees, she pulled the curtain back and glanced at the grass below her. Huh. No one was there. Didn't she just hear--- nah. It couldn't be the boys. She'd even given Noah the death sentence.
"You know, why does the girl always take him back?" Rachel was saying to Max. "Even if he is Patrick McDreamy, he's still not Nice Guy of the Year."
Charlie blinked, "Couldn't we ask you that? You're dating Jason."
Immediately, Rachel's face turned red as she rested her chin under her pillow. "Jay's different. He's not... really like them."
Amused, Max rose from her seat and grabbed some pretzels, "Of course not. Because Jason's a law-abiding citizen who'd never become a vigilante under any circumstances."
Charlie and Bree exchanged amused glances before laughing out loud. Rachel frowned, but even she couldn't help giggling along with Max and the others. "Okay, okay," She managed to say in-between bursts of laughter. "F-f-fine! Jay's kinda like them!"
"Much better," Bree snorted, absentmindedly playing with Rachel's locks. "Soooo... what do you guys wanna do now? I don't really feel like watching Teen Mom or I Didn't Think I Could Get Pregnant..."
"No idea," Charlie shrugged, lying upside down on the loveseat. Kicking her legs against the back of the chair, she let her hair touch the ground, "I'm thinking I should grab some Chinese soon. Or do you guys feel like Indian?"
"Chinese works," Max laughed. "... Oh god, you know, that reminds me of the time Damian and Terry fought over who'd get the last fortune cookie."
Bree leaned forward to hear, "You mean they didn't bring enough for everyone?"
"Nah, they did," Max grinned, crossing her legs, "But Terry and Damian wanted two cookies."
"You're kidding me," Rachel snorted. "They fought over a fortune cookie."
Charlie weighed the options in her hands. Closing her eyes, she remarked, "Actuallllllly... considering Damian and Boss're twips to each other about everything, fortune cookies aren't too hard to imagine. Did they fight with lasers?"
Everyone started at Charlie. Opening an eye, Charlie lazily asked, "What? It's trueeeee."
Bree heard more rustling outside the window. She jumped and stared outside again. "... That's weird," She whispered, folding her arms. Max came behind her and inspected the window.
"You heard something?" Max questioned, opening it and peeking her head outside. (Rachel and Bree held the curtain back.) "Because I don't see anything."
"Ooh!" Charlie jumped up. In a puff of smoke, she vanished. Bree grimaced, holding her sleeve above her mouth. Jeez! Trust Charlie to impulsively run off and find the source of the noise before everyone else---
"Did something happen?" Tim called from the stairwell.
Bree shook her head, "Nothing, Daddy. Go back to Twister."
Tim's voice sounded way too eager, "Who said we were playing Twister?"
"Ugh," Max wrinkled her nose. "Unnecessary Infodump, Mr. Drake!"
Rachel rose from the couch and opened the front door. "I so didn't need to hear that," She remarked. "And here I thought our movie was ridiculously contrived..."
"Mom's life could make a Lifetime Movie," Bree rolled her eyes, following Rachel outside. "Complete with Dad being her Knight in Shining Armor--"
"---Don't you mean Robin in Shining Armor?" Rachel giggled. After a moment, she rested her back against the door frame. "Actually, didn't you want to tell me about that guy in school you liked?"
Bree waved her hands wildly in front of her, "A-ah, it's totally fine! Ives can wait another day."
"No way," Rachel grinned, pushing Bree back inside. "I want all the details on this Sebastian Ives. Who is he, how'd you meet... you know, the basics."
A bush suspiciously growled. Really loudly. Glancing over her shoulder, Rachel blinked, "Huh. What was that?"
If Bree didn't know better, she would've--- "I don't know," Bree furrowed her brow. "Maybe a raccoon?"
"Raccoons don't growl."
Another puff of smoke, and Charlie appeared before them with two full paper bags of Chinese takeout. "Sorry, guys," She apologized, "But the people in Hong Kong were totally rude! I ended up heading downtown to grab something from Eat Yum."
Apparently, all the good Chinese restaurants in Neo-Gotham had names that made absolutely no sense to the average person. Bree swore that most of them were probably on Rae3 when they named their establishments. (The sad part is, she probably wasn't far off from the truth.)
"They weren't dregs to you, were they?" Max asked as Charlie set the food on the coffee table. Kneeling, Max then opened the bags and got the plastic silverware on the table. "Because if they were---"
"---Nothing happened," Charlie promised, marking her chest with a cross sign. "Though I did see Ash on the roof."
Bree blinked. "... On the roof?"
That was weird: Ash Grayson had been part of the "banished clique" to Damian's house. (Nevermind that Ash, Noah, and Jason - in the same house - always spelled trouble. Noah and Jason usually duked it out a la Star Wars... and poor, poor Ash usually got a broken bone. Or two. Or three.) What was he doing on their roof?
Oblivious, Charlie nodded, "Yeah! I think he might've been trying to not break a bone, 'cause he was all, 'CHARLIE, YOU DIDN'T SEE ME'---" Her eyes widened as realization suddenly dawned on her. "OH. You guys don't think.... do you...?"
"Probably," Bree grumbled, helping herself to some chow mein. "He might've wanted an early ride to the ER. Best way to get away from the guys, if you ask me."
In retrospect, Bree'd taken the "wrong conclusion" train to its not-so-logical end. Silenced by Charlie's news - and Chinese food, of course - the four girls sat on the ground and mindlessly watched the latest episode of Teen Mom.
"Is this girl for real?" Rachel frowned. "I can't believe anyone would just run from her parents like that..."
"Apparently," Max shook her head in dismay. "And with her hunting boyfriend too. What a catch."
Not even Charlie could fail to catch the sarcasm dripping from every word. In their banter, none of them heard the rather... unusual sounds from the second floor. At first, Bree mistook them for her parents' game - they did sound like moans of pleasure - but after a couple of minutes? There was absolutely no way her parents amused themselves that violently.
Charlie stared up at the ceiling, "What the heck's going on here?"
"Your guess's as good as mine," Rachel followed her friend's gaze. "Maybe they---"
And that's when the ceiling caved in. Barely avoiding the sudden debris, the girls jumped back and watched a large chunk of the ceiling crash onto the coffee table - and their beloved Chinese food! It almost wedged itself onto the floor. Groaning, five boys lay on top of the debris.
"... That's one way to end in the ER," Max remarked, staring at the sudden loss of their dinner.
Rachel's palm met her face, "Jason. You promised me you'd stay out of trouble tonight."
Jason opened one eye lazily as he slowly - and painfully - sat up, "This isn't my definition of trouble," He insisted, glancing at his four younger charges. "The boys didn't want to stick around and clean up the mess at the Razems..."
"Oh, so you have to make an even worse mess of my house?" Bree retorted, glaring at her surrogate brothers. (For once, Noah didn't feel the full wrath of his kid sister.) "Come on, Jay!"
"Hey!" One black-haired boy remarked as he cheerfully got up. Avoiding the debris, he then waved his arms and inspected himself for damage. "I STILL haven't broken anything."
"Congratulations, Ash," Noah miserably replied, wriggling his feet. "I think the rest of us made up for your personal best."
"A-agreed," The teenager beside him groaned. "I can't even get up."
"B-Boss!" Damian called as he kneeled beside the teenager. "Don't even joke like that! The old man'll have our hide---"
"---And you think we wouldn't?"
Oh. Oh Crap.
The entire room turned and stared to face two frowning adults. Barely dressed, Stephanie and Tim still managed to intensely glare at the nine teenagers - two of whom were barely in puberty. Yet again, Bree thanked God that looks couldn't kill. (She meant it this time too!)
Pulling down her long shirt, Stephanie growled, "BOYS. CLEAN THAT DEBRIS. NOW."
Terry swung his arms around Noah's and Jason's shoulders as he got up, "Y-yes m'am. Cleaning right now."
Everyone else exchanged amused glances. Huh. So Terry McGinnis could listen to authority figures after all! Just when Damian was about to open his mouth, Terry shot his apprentice a glare.
"Just wait," He mouthed before shooting Tim an innocent smile.
Tim leaned against the stair rail, "You all have a lot of explaining to do. Terry, if you'd please...?"
Taking the rail, Terry winced as he slowly walked up the staircase with Tim. Even though their words were whispered, everyone could still catch snippets of conversation.
"-- what do you mean, it looked harmless---"
"-- didn't think they'd actually follow through---"
Once they were completely out of sight, Damian's shoulders sank. "... Ya Allah. This isn't how I wanted to spend my weekend."
"This isn't how any of us wanted to spend our Friday night," Noah quipped. Heading to the pantry, he tossed out every single cleaning instrument - including the mops, vaccuums, and buckets - to those that remained. "How was I supposed to know it'd end this way?"
"Uh, common sense?" Bree stood on her tip-toes and poked her brother's forehead. "Most boyfriends don't crash their girlfriends' slumber parties."
Noah shot Charlie an apologetic glance, "Sorry."
"... I'm not the one you should be apologizing to." Charlie sheepishly smiled.
Rachel laughed, "Doesn't she know it."
Well, Bree knew her friends would be jealous of this evening. She just didn't expect their jealousy to stem from... oh, her ceiling crashing in the middle of an episode of Teen Mom and nearly killing her and her friends during a slumber party! Even if it had been totally ruined, Bree couldn't say that she totally had been expecting a peaceful night.
Damian and Noah still competed over "who'll clean the floor first"; Ash and Max swapped stories about Dr. Grayson and the ER; and even Rachel and Jason shared a romantic moment or two as they helped free the coffee table from its dusty grave.
Maybe it'd descended into mass chaos sooner than she'd liked, but... considering who her family was? Bree shouldn't have expected any different.
1 Giddo: Arabic word meaning "maternal grandfather."
2 Zift: Future slang meaning "idiot" in Arabic. Traditionally used among kids of Arab descent. In the present day, it's a loanword meaning "shit." (AKA DON'T USE THIS IN POLITE COMPANY.)
3 Rae: Future slang meaning a "hallucinogen drug" that's taken to make oneself happier. It's basically Neo-Gotham's way of saying "what the heck were you smoking?"