Self-Awarness Post #unknown
I just realized this morning how fucking scared I am to be doing what I'm doing. When I scared, I do destructive things and then I wonder if I'm crazy.
Now I don't have to think I'm crazy because I know that I'm scared and I know that when I'm scared I will do things, bad (really bad) or good, that minimize that feeling. I've been wanting to pick up some nasty habit like smoking or contemplating how destructive it would be to go out and flirt with someone else. And I wonder where the fuck that comes from! Because that's not me. I'm not a smoker. I'm not a cheater. I'm not a sleazy, sneaky, terrible person that I have the urge to be. I just need to learn how to channel my negative impulsive into something positive.
I need to learn how to observe my fear, accept it, and then use that energy to propel myself toward my dreams and not away from them.
Now I don't have to think I'm crazy because I know that I'm scared and I know that when I'm scared I will do things, bad (really bad) or good, that minimize that feeling. I've been wanting to pick up some nasty habit like smoking or contemplating how destructive it would be to go out and flirt with someone else. And I wonder where the fuck that comes from! Because that's not me. I'm not a smoker. I'm not a cheater. I'm not a sleazy, sneaky, terrible person that I have the urge to be. I just need to learn how to channel my negative impulsive into something positive.
I need to learn how to observe my fear, accept it, and then use that energy to propel myself toward my dreams and not away from them.