it truly is a cruel world
i've come to realize well i've know this for along time but anyway I don't have many friends. the friends i try to have (most of them seem to be in sf) ditch me or just drift away. why is this? why can't I be one of those people whos been best friends with someone since they were 5. well since i'm 24 thats never going to happen. do i unconciously push them away? i dont know. i never have understood humans very well. I have these wonderful dreams of jumping off my favorite bridge and ending it all. Its one of the most famous suicide spots in the world that hasnt put up a suicide barrier. this isnt a cry for help just me expressing my feelings please dont try to be my friend just cause i want to die that makes things even more depressing. i guess i'm just taken for granted and the person i feel closet to in the world is my exboyfriend/best friend junkie eli. i often feel like nico "no one love nico and nico loved no one" she died from brain hemmoraging from a bike accident. how come when i get in bike accidents i just suffer from constant knee pain. ooooooh how i hate life i guess nothing has changed.